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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call out my friend in this situation?

101 replies

berryice · 08/11/2023 20:46

We’ve always been really close. Maintained a solid friendship since school really!

She’s fairly recently single (as in, been single for almost a year).

I invited her to my wedding reception a few weeks ago and she didn’t show. She received the invite in the post, we had a whole chat over a coffee about how she could bring a plus one/literally anyone as I worried she would feel awkward. She told me not to be daft and that she would be fine to pop in by herself for a drink as she wanted to see me and DH and knew some people there anyway

Highly doubt she forgot because I sent a reminder to everyone before and directions to the venue, she acknowledged it and said can’t wait to see you there.

I just feel hurt, we catered for her as she said she would be coming. Surely she could have made an excuse and said she could no longer attend even if this was on the day of the party. She didn’t text me congratulations, like the photos or message me about it in any way. I’m perplexed, I always acknowledge her life milestones and usually in a big way!

Would it be a bit thoughtless of me to send her a message? I don’t want to be all bridezilla esque as life does not revolve around my wedding but I was looking forward to see her and she just didn’t show. The venue charged per head. She is totally fine btw and has been posting regularly on social media since; meals out, spa day with her sister etc.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2023 20:48

I’d message her and ask if she’s okay and say how sorry I was not to see her at the wedding. Not sure what you mean by calling her out which sounds quite confrontational. But do contact her and ask. Hope you had a wonderful day!

Hearmenow23 · 08/11/2023 20:51

I ended a friendship over this. If you can't celebrate life's events, even via text, then what's the point of the friendship?? It's ridiculous. It's your fucking wedding and she couldn't even message you!

Original poster
berryice · 08/11/2023 20:51

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2023 20:48

I’d message her and ask if she’s okay and say how sorry I was not to see her at the wedding. Not sure what you mean by calling her out which sounds quite confrontational. But do contact her and ask. Hope you had a wonderful day!

Thank you. I did miss seeing her. I was upset at first but I’m a bit annoyed really. I can see it sounds confrontational and prob is cos I am baffled that she couldn’t text - even two hours before or the day after - to say she could no longer attend.

If it was me I would message the day after even if I forgot and say omg, so sorry we’ll have to meet for a coffee can’t wait to hear about it. Rather than just fail to acknowledge it! Idk.

OP posts:
Hearmenow23 · 08/11/2023 20:52

I thought the same: even a week later, a month later- no congratulations text!

Original poster
berryice · 08/11/2023 20:52

Hearmenow23 · 08/11/2023 20:51

I ended a friendship over this. If you can't celebrate life's events, even via text, then what's the point of the friendship?? It's ridiculous. It's your fucking wedding and she couldn't even message you!

I felt like I was being a bit OTT with feeling annoyed, hence why I posted, so it’s validating to hear you’d feel the same. Thanks. I understand life gets in the way sometimes but she could have at least messaged the day after or week after to say ‘hope you had a nice time’!

OP posts:
PostOpOp · 08/11/2023 20:53

I invited her to my wedding reception a few weeks ago and she didn’t show.

Is she upset at not being invited to the ceremony?

Grapefruitsquash · 08/11/2023 20:53

I also ended a friendship over this. A bit awkward as we worked for the same company but I was angry. We had a waitlist and I had less close friends who would have loved to have come and instead their was an empty seat at the table.

Hankunamatata · 08/11/2023 20:56

I'd be worried that she wasn't ok

Original poster
berryice · 08/11/2023 20:56

PostOpOp · 08/11/2023 20:53

I invited her to my wedding reception a few weeks ago and she didn’t show.

Is she upset at not being invited to the ceremony?

No as we had family only and she said she’d do the same.

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 08/11/2023 20:58

Is there something else going on, like she's put on weight and feels uncomfortable, anything like that?

GlasgowGal82 · 08/11/2023 21:10

I had a single friend who didn't turn up to my wedding reception and didn't send a message. I messaged her a few weeks later to ask if she was ok because we'd missed her and she was really apologetic, but said she had been feeling really low on the day of the wedding and as much as she had wanted to come beforehand she just couldn't face it. She had been feeling guilty about it, but had convinced herself that I'd be angry so didn't get in touch. It made me really sad that she hadn't felt able to come and then had obviously been stewing about it afterwards. My advice would be kind and reach out to her.

Original poster
berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

OP posts:
Kittenkitty · 08/11/2023 21:14

berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

Oh that is not ok! I was going to say maybe she was sick and didn’t want to be texting you on your wedding day. But that is not ok.

Birch101 · 08/11/2023 21:17

Your 'friend' missed your wedding day because she was hungover?? And then didn't contact you
Is she an alcoholic?
I'd be done

Hibiscrubbed · 08/11/2023 21:21

Do people not realise that if you RSVP to a wedding, the bride and groom will be paying a fair whack of money for you to attend? Just not turning up is pretty unthinkable. It fucks up table plans and wastes food and money.

I’d end a friendship over that, for sure. It's astonishingly rude as she’s clearly fine.

Hibiscrubbed · 08/11/2023 21:22

berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

Not cool.

I’d ghost.

Blackcatowner44 · 08/11/2023 21:23

But you see then on here people often comment that if you can't afford an expensive gift or cash that you shouldn't go to the wedding, maybe she thought the same?
Also, to my shame I have done this once to a friend. I really, really struggle with large social events, especially one where I have to get dressed up because I'm ugly.
I convinced myself that she wouldn't miss me and it didn't matter. I was broke and couldn't afford a gift too so stayed away and thought it was for the best.
So, as much as I understand your hurt and it's a completely natural thing to feel. I start by asking her if everything is ok and telling her you missed her rather than an all guns blazing "calling her out."

Blackcatowner44 · 08/11/2023 21:24

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover!

Oh ok missed this update, yeah don't blame you for being mad then!

DottieMoon · 08/11/2023 21:33

berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

That’s really shitty. I wouldn’t be making any more effort with her and I would totally call her out on it and tell her it was really shitty.

ThePoshUns · 08/11/2023 21:37

berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

I'd be fuming.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 08/11/2023 21:43

berryice · 08/11/2023 21:11

Messaged her, she said she is sorry she forgot to message but she was just so hungover! 😬

Wow!

I’d call her out on her shitty behaviour and then never speak to her again.

Who needs enemies with friends like her.

Badgrief · 08/11/2023 21:48

Saying she was happy to "pop in for a drink" without a plus one sounds as if she wasn't really aware of the costs of a catered wedding meal. Was she imagining a very casual event, where one person missing wouldn't be noticed? Bit rude not to be in touch at all, up to you if you forgive.

Shoxfordian · 08/11/2023 22:01

She's totally out of line - I'd blank her tbh

Dacadactyl · 08/11/2023 22:04

I'd text back "are you joking? Or having some kind of breakdown? I'm really hurt and can't believe you didn't come because of a hangover."

xyz111 · 08/11/2023 22:06

That's the worst excuse ever!! At least say you had a stomach bug or something 🤦🏻‍♀️