To call out my friend in this situation?

[berryice]

We’ve always been really close. Maintained a solid friendship since school really!

She’s fairly recently single (as in, been single for almost a year).

I invited her to my wedding reception a few weeks ago and she didn’t show. She received the invite in the post, we had a whole chat over a coffee about how she could bring a plus one/literally anyone as I worried she would feel awkward. She told me not to be daft and that she would be fine to pop in by herself for a drink as she wanted to see me and DH and knew some people there anyway

Highly doubt she forgot because I sent a reminder to everyone before and directions to the venue, she acknowledged it and said can’t wait to see you there.

I just feel hurt, we catered for her as she said she would be coming. Surely she could have made an excuse and said she could no longer attend even if this was on the day of the party. She didn’t text me congratulations, like the photos or message me about it in any way. I’m perplexed, I always acknowledge her life milestones and usually in a big way!

Would it be a bit thoughtless of me to send her a message? I don’t want to be all bridezilla esque as life does not revolve around my wedding but I was looking forward to see her and she just didn’t show. The venue charged per head. She is totally fine btw and has been posting regularly on social media since; meals out, spa day with her sister etc.

I think she's either deeply jealous and unable to acknowledge it to you or yourself, or she's been in love with you for ages and was heartbroken you were getting married. It's probably the former. Never underestimate how much envy poisons relationships.

I'd be hurt and angry. Meant to be one of your closest friends. She gives you a shitty dismissive excuse.

I would quietly withdraw from this friendship. She doesn't value you at all to treat you so disrespectfully.

Appalling behaviour…..I’d be edging away from this friendship and concentrate on your marriage, family and genuine friends that bothered to turn up to your wedding.

🍾🥂🍰💐

Did she get drunk the night before your wedding because you were getting married and she couldn't face it? Maybe the breakup of her own relationship has made her bitter about your happy relationship with DH and she's jealous, or she likes you more than she lets on. Whichever way, I'd be fading her out as it's not the actions of someone who's acting like your best friend.

I was leaning towards YABU but after that update I would be making no further effort with her.

Confrontation would achieve nothing- now you know she doesn't give a shit you can reciprocate.

@berryice so she was so hungover she couldn't come to your wedding, but what's stopped her contacting you, sending congratulations, apologising and catchup about hiw it went?

She is no friend.

If I was to guess she wasn't hungover, she's raging jealous that you're married and happy and she is single and unhappy.

She is no friend.

i expect she got cold feet - and hangover was a lie
shame

The hangover excuse is a bit crap, as is the fact that she didn't acknowledge you until you messaged her. Going forward, maybe lower your expectations of her as a friend.

I think that she's either annoyed about not being invited to the whole day, (maybe she feels like family) or she is jealous of you getting married while she is single. Perhaps a bit embarrassed too for having to go solo.

Maybe she couldn’t find anyone to go with, and doesn’t want to admit it. It must be hard being single, yes you offered her a plus one, but maybe no one she knows wanted to go to a wedding reception.

I’m more shocked that she didn’t acknowledge your wedding or congratulate you at all, even if she did miss the reception that is a shocking thing to do! She’s no friend.

I agree with this, especially as you only invited her a few weeks ago. How long had you been planning for and when did you invite everyone else?

"Do you realise that each place setting was £100, and because we had limited space there are people we could not invite who wanted to be there?"

Someone who thinks repeating “I feel so bad,”
is an apology is a very self-absorbed person indeed.

that, right there, is all the information you need in order to decide how to move forward. Is it worth it, keeping a friend and knowing she’ll only think of herself and her own feelings? Only you can decide that.

Unforgivable, except in case of medical emergency. I had a supposedly close friend do the same at my wedding. I no longer considered her a friend (which was a bit awkward because we worked together!).

I must be honest if i was your friend from school and only got invited to the reception, I would be very upset, but I would have told you so.
To me only say people you work with ect only get invited to the evening, people you are close to are invited to the actual wedding.

I don't care what she said I think she is annoyed at not being invited to the ceremony, a close friend is like family and she is annoyed.

That would be quite a leap 🤣 why would you start distrusting your husband because your friend is an arsehole?

Why do you have to ‘call her out’ OP? This sounds aggressive.

Is she offended it was an evening invite? I’m doing some for my own wedding but I think they’re rubbish and won’t blame people who decline, I’ve just run out of space at venue for the meal.

My childhood friend did the same, she had no explanation. I cut her off.

What the actual fuck? Sorry to put that in your mind if it's not already in there

What a mean and unnecessary thing to say, sorry my arse

That was my first thought

But op told her the ceremony was family only, and the friend said she'd do the same.