To call out my friend in this situation?

[berryice]

We’ve always been really close. Maintained a solid friendship since school really!

She’s fairly recently single (as in, been single for almost a year).

I invited her to my wedding reception a few weeks ago and she didn’t show. She received the invite in the post, we had a whole chat over a coffee about how she could bring a plus one/literally anyone as I worried she would feel awkward. She told me not to be daft and that she would be fine to pop in by herself for a drink as she wanted to see me and DH and knew some people there anyway

Highly doubt she forgot because I sent a reminder to everyone before and directions to the venue, she acknowledged it and said can’t wait to see you there.

I just feel hurt, we catered for her as she said she would be coming. Surely she could have made an excuse and said she could no longer attend even if this was on the day of the party. She didn’t text me congratulations, like the photos or message me about it in any way. I’m perplexed, I always acknowledge her life milestones and usually in a big way!

Would it be a bit thoughtless of me to send her a message? I don’t want to be all bridezilla esque as life does not revolve around my wedding but I was looking forward to see her and she just didn’t show. The venue charged per head. She is totally fine btw and has been posting regularly on social media since; meals out, spa day with her sister etc.

I just feel rude and embarrassed though but maybe im not valuing myself enough here! She should feel that way, not me, I know. She just keeps saying

’i feel so bad’ rather than asking how it was, or saying literally anything else..

Don't feel rude or embarrassed. She's took the total piss.

If a friend of mine did that to me I'd honestly be wondering if she was having an affair with my husband. Sorry to put that in your mind if it's not already in there.

Bloody hell, that's not great, is it? Hangovers are the absolute pits, of course, but hard to believe she couldn't manage to pop in for an hour or two. I'd need to be hospitalised with alcoholic poisoning to miss a close friend's wedding reception for a hangover. And if I did miss a friend's wedding for a hangover, I would also probably invent a dose of food poisoning rather than just saying 'Yeah, soz, couldn't come because I was off my tits last night'.

Also hard to understand how the hangover not only prevented her from attending your wedding reception for an hour, but also somehow stopped her from sending you a message or a card or something afterwards to congratulate you and apologise for not being there. That's just plain bad manners.

That's no friend. She could get to fuck.

Don’t worry! She’s absolutely not, she doesn’t like men I’m fairly sure.

Thank you, this is what I’ve been thinking you could at least message. She claims she couldn’t move but I reckon she forgot or thought cba and now is thinking of a good excuse. For a long time I’ve felt it’s been a bit one sided but maybe this is just the final straw. X

Sounds like she has a big drinking problem, and, until and unless she does something about it, is quite unreliable.

She clearly did not expect you to have paid for a meal etc. She said she would pop in for a drink. You should have been clearer as she seems to have been quite open that she was not coming as a formal guest. I would imagine that for this reason she didn't think it was such a big deal and many people would maybe not want to be fielding texts about people being hungover on their wedding day as it is a busy day. I think you would be stupid to fall out over this.

Honestly I’m probably going to be in the minority here but it wouldn’t bother me too much. People have lives and shit going on and it’s only a wedding reception. Maybe it’s different here in Ireland but you wouldn’t even RSVP for a wedding reception. I wouldn’t fall out over it if it’s an important friendship. Everyone has their own shit going on and no one died so 🤷

You didn't mention age, but she sounds quite immature, selfish, and irresponsible. Which is no excuse but some people are pretty dumb when they are younger and grow out of it.

'She told me not to be daft and that she would be fine to pop in by herself for a drink.'

Popping in? Doesn't sound like she thought it was a formal thing.

Are you sure you are really close? It seems odd to not know if someone you are close to for years is gay or straight… and her saying she would pop in to the reception sounds like it wasn’t ever an important thing to her?

Either way it’s extremely rude and unkind not to turn up and not to at least send a card or something to apologise/explain. I think I would conclude that our friendship wasn’t as strong or as important to her as I thought it was.

Definitely in the minority. What sort of friend misses a huge life event like that, without even apologising?! And because of a hangover? Not just that but rsvping to say you'll be there incurs a huge cost to the couple as they then pay per head for catering and drinks. Incredibly rude to just not show up.

not a friend. tell her to do one.

Yes thought I would be in the minority 😂😂. It just wouldn’t bother me too much, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. She said she would pop in for a drink and then she didn’t…meh 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she doesn't like men but likes you?

Sounds like she's not as invested in this friendship as you.
I'd ghost and move on.

I had the same at my wedding, spoke to her the day before the wedding, she was coming to the evening but had confirmed she was coming and had taken a half day to get her hair done. Never turned up and never text me since. I deleted her off everything and moved on.

What?! Do you need some safety equipment for a leap that big?!

Boom!!

I think SuckingFunt may have cracked it

Bad form on her part. Would you treat her like that? No you wouldn’t. Are you going to continue your friendship with her? Only you can decide.
some people are just so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t think how their thoughtlessness will affect others.

That would make sense!

Nasty thing to do. You don't treat your friends like that, especially not a milestone event like a wedding. Sorry you had to go through that OP. You sound lovely.

I'm wondering if the hungover thing was an excuse....

You said She’s fairly recently single (as in, been single for almost a year).

You getting married would highlight her single state, maybe she couldn't face it.
And yes, maybe getting shit-faced was her way of dealing with it.

She's an idiot though. Weddings are where you meet lots of nice new people.

She sounds flakey and I'd gently fade her out, especially as you feel it's been one-sided lately.

It'll be interesting to see if she steps up once she realises you're cooling the friendship.