People moving out of cities but wanting all the things that a city offers

[downdowndowndowndown]

Messages go something like this;
Hi, my husband and two kids and I are moving out of our one bed flat in x city and would like to find an area we can afford a four bedroom detached house. It MUST have great transport links to a neighbouring city, a thriving home Ed community, vegan bakery, great Lebanese food, a variety of brunch places and cool live music venues.

But that's why we all live in cities?!! There is no magical semi rural place with all the nice, cultural bits, jobs, facilities, public transport with cheap houses.
City life isn't for everyone so you either compromise on space or location. If you move out to the suburbs or the countryside then you know that you will no longer have those things in walking distance.
This is not just on mumsnet but in real life too. I work in a much cheaper area, bits are nicer, there is more green space but it's just not worth giving up the job opportunities, museums and like minded people you get in a city. My friends that have moved out have changed their whole life styles, more driving, more countryside, more meals in chain restaurants in retail parks, I'm not judging it at all! As someone who can barely afford to live here, I can't afford to eat out at all so all the new, cool pop up street food places are wasted on me anyway. But I still love being here.
AIBU

Makes my head explode.

I live in a small city. It has a waterfront, plus beautiful countryside to the north, east and west, and everything you could want in a city.

I have a foot in both camps, I grew up rurally (proper on a farm, two buses a day rural) and have lived in London for 23 years.

People who move to the country and moan about rural life are hilarious (why is the broadband bad, the cows are too noisy etc.. etc..) but equally annoying are the types who move to London for better or high paying jobs and expect a country/suburban life - moaning they can't get a large house and garden in one of the more expensive cities in the world, or going on and on about the crowds and traffic. Those kind of people IMO are also bad they see London as a place to take from and never consider establishing a life or community there.

Country mumsnetters must meet posher Londoners thanme though, we definitely do not have half of the amenities mentioned in our friendly but rather scrappy SE London suburb.

I am in a village in Scotland. About 25 minutes to the city. I drive but there are reasonable links too. Butcher, bakery, tiny supermarket, places to eat. Not a massive range, but good quality. The city is not far if we feel like doing something there, but the rural feel, nice walks close etc is priceless.

Got to admit I did this. We moved from the south coast to Shropshire. And I cried because there wasn't a beach

@grottyb yes! People who move to cities in their youth and stay there but moan constantly about large class sizes, pollution, the cost of housing, feeling 'safe' (which is very often a code word for 'there's loads of black youths around') and pretty much lament that their child isn't having the same leafy village upbringing that they had in the eighties.
Number one it's not the eighties, primary school kids in the villages aren't permitted to take off on their bikes all day with no oversight anymore.
I completely understand you would not feel safe in London or Manchester if you had a black son or daughter. I completely understand why you would see what's in the news and move, like Candice did. But the fear of the countryside and racism is real. So you're stuck.
I don't think this fear about safety applies to white mums who worry that their children might be mixing with the local population, when they can no longer coordinate play dates with their friends kids. Deep down, I wonder how much looming secondary school causes a mass exodus out to the sticks. Its a good school but 28% of kids are on free school meals. I wonder how much parents want to keep their kids mixing with other parents with 'similar values'. As a single mum on UC I guess I don't have the same concerns.

Oh lord, and we've already descended into competitive "my village is the coolest artiest loveliest place in the world, with seven specialist bakeries and four art galleries and cows moo at me while I walk to my artisan baking class".

I'm very happy you enjoy where you live. But every choice is a compromise. If this theoretical village with amenities comparable to a city and beautiful countryside all around existed, house prices would be off the charts, well outstripping said city. Unless of course it does in fact have some disadvantages compared to being in the city...

The big supermarkets have the advantage of supply and demand so cheaper prices to buy in bulk. And presumably village shop owners aren't prepared to open all hours on minimum wage. Add additional delivery charges onto higher prices.... Not difficult to understand really.

Exactly Op

Or you get the family where the husband has insisted on or at least instigated a move to a rural location (perhaps due to family ties or else a dream of living an idyllic life). But then refuses to take part in driving the teenagers hither and tither - leaving the OP wife to it, because he “likes to have a drink”.

Or perhaps he insists on taking the family car to work every day - OP is said not to need it as she’s a SAHM to little ones, and why would that necessitate a car living rurally? Or perhaps he wants running to the station at 6 am when OP has a newborn.

Equally you get people who moved to the country during lockdown for “lots of lovely walks” - and then complain when they are asked to attend their office

I live in the city, but about 30 minutes from downtown. But I also have good shops and also a supermarket in my area.

Incommers and visitors also have some quite unusual expectations as to what the rural environment should offer them. They seem to see us as a petting zoo/theme park which should be free of noises from livestock, machinery and muck, with a few quaint rural characters thrown in for their amusement.

The north is a big place, entirely depends where you are. A 1 bed flat in central London could easily be a million+.

@Porridgeislife Kewl username

It doesn't have to be all or nothing though. You don't have to go from a big city to a small village in the middle of nowhere...

I moved from London to a small seaside town in Kent. There is a lovely high street, several supermarkets, yoga and pilates studios, small art galleries, nice restaurants (including vegan food), horse riding school, a weekly market and fast trains to London.

There are lots of places where you can find a nice balance and better quality of life.

I grew up in a small village in the countryside and no way would I go back to that level of isolation.

You really need to do some research before moving somewhere new and preferably rent for a bit (I rented for almost a year in my new location) to make sure the lifestyle will suit you.

For those mentioning things like "an hour by train" to nearest big city.

That's fine if the trains run regularly and have a late enough "last train".

In theory, we're only an hour from Manchester. But the service is so unreliable it's a joke, with trains regularly cancelled. The "last" train back is so early you can't use it after, say, a theatre show as you'd have to leave before the end. That's IF the last train runs at all. Far too often, it's cancelled, leaving you stranded.

We're also an hour from Leeds. The "Last" train back is even worse - it's around 7-15pm, so completely useless if you want to stay, even for an evening meal.

It's no wonder people complain when they're led to believe it's "only an hour" from city x, and assume the same kind of public transport as they have in London, i.e. regular frequency and late "last" trains, not the reality of a train service that's only every 2 hours and the last is 7-15pm!!

I have tried both extreme ends of the lifestyles.

Apart from what has already been mentioned, my struggles with the countryside were the unendingly mud and driving wet winds in the winter (urban densely packed buildings insulate the streets better)… light coloured carpets are NOT compatible with country living (we were renting and hadn’t chosen the carpet).

I really felt very claustrophobic regarding the goldfish bowl that is village gossip. Lots of rules! Less freedom anonymity and autonomy (neighbours complain about the unsightliness of our bikes parked outside… other comments like wearing Londoner clothes - I’m not sure what that is, wearing more colour I think? Felt too much of an outsider and under scrutiny.

You can tell I have grown up in London…! And I returned there… my only concerns are air quality and safety, otherwise very happy to visit the countryside in the summer for a day or two, and then go home!

Hi, my husband and two kids and I are moving out of our one bed flat in x city and would like to find an area we can afford a four bedroom detached house. It MUST have great transport links to a neighbouring city, a thriving home Ed community, vegan bakery, great Lebanese food, a variety of brunch places and cool live music venues.

OP, YANBU in general, people are ridiculous, but I literally live in the area you're describing. Can walk to three artisan bakeries in one direction or into the woods in another. Don't want to tell anyone where it is now because I think I've found a magical land? Houses are terraced though. And the trains home do stop at 11.30.

Grew up in a commuter village in the East Midlands. One bus an hour which stopped at 6pm. Nothing to do as a teenager. My dad drove me around a lot to see friends in neighbouring villages. God it was dull. So when I got the opportunity to move to London at 19, I was ecstatic!!! So much to do and try out and experience...going back to see my parents is still a shock to me. But it's a different lifestyle. In fact I've recently got a bit annoyed with London and looking to move to the county town in the county my parents live. Still enough to do but not as much as London, and it's fine. But I don't expect to have an artisan coffee shop at the end of my road or a Mongolian Grill within walking distance. You move out of the city and you have to adjust to a new way if living. It's never the same.

Lol very London Centric post there, OP. I live somewhere rural that is a 10min drive to all of the places you mentioned.

@Allicando Yep, thats a very nice place. I do think some people go solely on a house size and impressing friends, rather than being practical and thinking what do we need/want on the doorstep and enjoy doing day to day.

We had a recent trip from here in Bath down to Christchurch and called in at Wimborne, that too was a very nice place, small town with lots of nice upmarket stuff but practical stuff too and didn't seem in decline and only 15 minutes drive into Bournemouth , poole or Christchurch.