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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People moving out of cities but wanting all the things that a city offers

252 replies

downdowndowndowndown · 08/11/2023 20:36

Messages go something like this;
Hi, my husband and two kids and I are moving out of our one bed flat in x city and would like to find an area we can afford a four bedroom detached house. It MUST have great transport links to a neighbouring city, a thriving home Ed community, vegan bakery, great Lebanese food, a variety of brunch places and cool live music venues.

But that's why we all live in cities?!! There is no magical semi rural place with all the nice, cultural bits, jobs, facilities, public transport with cheap houses.
City life isn't for everyone so you either compromise on space or location. If you move out to the suburbs or the countryside then you know that you will no longer have those things in walking distance.
This is not just on mumsnet but in real life too. I work in a much cheaper area, bits are nicer, there is more green space but it's just not worth giving up the job opportunities, museums and like minded people you get in a city. My friends that have moved out have changed their whole life styles, more driving, more countryside, more meals in chain restaurants in retail parks, I'm not judging it at all! As someone who can barely afford to live here, I can't afford to eat out at all so all the new, cool pop up street food places are wasted on me anyway. But I still love being here.
AIBU

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 08/11/2023 20:39

YANBU.

Also: “I can’t drive and we live rurally.”

Ok then…

Meeting · 08/11/2023 20:43

I see the outcome of this as a person who lives in a village, it's funny the things people complain about.

CirceIsMyHomegirl · 08/11/2023 20:44

I live in a small rural village and our local Facebook page is full of people like this, it's hard not to think of them as idiots.

tortoiseshellcats · 08/11/2023 20:44

YANBU at all

Mangotango39 · 08/11/2023 20:46

I live in a big expat country.
People move here and the things they moan about wow.
They seemed shocked it's a whole other country and not just England in the sun HAHA.

IvorTheEngineDriver · 08/11/2023 20:48

YANBU

And that is why we do not live in a village in this family.
We're in a market town that is thriving, which has good transport links to the nearest city and close enough that a day out in London is not a major pain.

My SIL who moved to rural Argyll OTOH....

Nothanksthanksanyway · 08/11/2023 20:48

I live in a city where it takes 30 mins to get to ‘the city’ so actually do have it all!!

( not cheap though!)

Pigtailsandall · 08/11/2023 20:49

Mangotango39 · 08/11/2023 20:46

I live in a big expat country.
People move here and the things they moan about wow.
They seemed shocked it's a whole other country and not just England in the sun HAHA.

UAE?

Several of our friends have moved to the countryside for fresh air and "better quality of life". Now they are bored because there's nothing to do but walk. And it rains a lot. Yanbu.

EightChalk · 08/11/2023 20:49

And complain about city dwellers as polluters who are out of touch with nature, despite driving everywhere, and ordering loads of stuff online to be driven over vast distances because visiting a city is too much hassle. Part of moving somewhere "very rural" should be accepting that your way of life will change.

Seashor · 08/11/2023 20:51

Another one is people moving to our socio economically deprived area and wondering why their over priced ‘art’ and ‘unique shite’ isn’t selling.

There is NO market for it here, did you not do your homework on the area before you moved here!!!!

Tatumm · 08/11/2023 20:53

Ha ha, yes YANBU.

wannabetraveler · 08/11/2023 20:54

EatYourVegetables · 08/11/2023 20:39

YANBU.

Also: “I can’t drive and we live rurally.”

Ok then…

Good lord, this is sentence on MN that just makes my head spin! Why oh why or why...

Mangotango39 · 08/11/2023 20:54

@Pigtailsandall Australia

I have genuinely heard people say 'there's no countryside' 😅

enchantedsquirrelwood · 08/11/2023 20:55

wannabetraveler · 08/11/2023 20:54

Good lord, this is sentence on MN that just makes my head spin! Why oh why or why...

Yes, if you grew up there, and you can't drive, that's one thing.

If you move somewhere knowing you can't or won't drive, that is very stupid!

And yes we should have functioning public transport but even if we did, it wouldn't go everywhere you need, whenever you wanted it.

Cramlington567 · 08/11/2023 21:00

Mangotango39 · 08/11/2023 20:54

@Pigtailsandall Australia

I have genuinely heard people say 'there's no countryside' 😅

Watched a show on Brits in Oz. Remember one said "birds don't tweet here, they squawk"

Pooooochi · 08/11/2023 21:01

Ive mainly seem this with people leaving london & wondering where to go, they are duly directed to bristol & guildford and manchester & brighton and what have you

Pebbles16 · 08/11/2023 21:02

YANBU. I LOVE LOVE LOVE living in a city, had a grand plan from about aged eight to live here.
Grew up in the rural idyll that many (including DH) covet except for the lack of public transport, the (therefore) overpriced taxis, complete lack of delivery (except for Amazon and, post covid, some supermarkets).
Chain restaurants and retail parks - never really had them nor would I want to.
I MAY move at some point (outside the UK) but will be going in eyes fully open - if anyone catches me going on about lack of arts etc, they are permitted to clock me one

MongoFrogman · 08/11/2023 21:02

I’ve just moved back from south London to a big village of about 6000 people which only has one shop. Imagine a Budgens/Co-Op type franchise. And have to say going in there I’m really shocked at the prices! It’s easily 40% more than the same items would cost in London. £3 for a chocolate bar for example that would be £2.20.

The kind of high prices you’d normally expect in an airport or mainline train station. But in a village shop? Seems pretty grotesque to me when they can’t be paying as much rent as in London, and they are abusing a captive audience of older people who can’t drive.

Yes I’m surprised by this. Food and shopping is much cheaper in London than here.

LimeCheesecake · 08/11/2023 21:03

Oh can I add - those who’ve decided to stay in Cities and then are annoyed it’s not like suburbia of their childhoods? Friends who stayed in London and positively sneered at others moving out to commuter towns, very angry they need to live within 0.4 miles to get into the good primary school, that their dc will have to spend ages travelling to secondary (or look at private). Friends who have stayed in the area they chose as they wanted to live somewhere “with a bit more of an edge” but don’t like the night noise levels now they’ve outgrown partying.

crackofdoom · 08/11/2023 21:04

Well, we have the live music and theatre venues (2 of them 10 minutes walk down the road, the majority of the rest 20 minutes drive away), the home Ed group, the vegan restaurant....food's improving but still more expensive than a large city - and yes, public transport is not great. And we are very rural.

It does make me laugh when city folk see the countryside as some kind of culture free desert. I remember when I used to believe that 😆

VivaVivaa · 08/11/2023 21:05

EatYourVegetables · 08/11/2023 20:39

YANBU.

Also: “I can’t drive and we live rurally.”

Ok then…

This! Posts where people genuinely can’t figure out why they aren’t enjoying maternity leave or being a stay at home parent despite living in their ‘dream house’…before dropping in that said dream house is half way up a mountain, they can’t drive and the bus comes once every 6 months. Blows my mind.

Pigtailsandall · 08/11/2023 21:05

enchantedsquirrelwood · 08/11/2023 20:55

Yes, if you grew up there, and you can't drive, that's one thing.

If you move somewhere knowing you can't or won't drive, that is very stupid!

And yes we should have functioning public transport but even if we did, it wouldn't go everywhere you need, whenever you wanted it.

Lol, my very sweet but very out-of-touch ex-neighbour said (after moving to a v rural location) that she wished they had a bus service from the main street opposite her house to the close by town at regular 5-min intervals that would run late into the night...I was like, so basically you want a taxi :D

SylvieLaufeydottir · 08/11/2023 21:05

YANBU. I love public transport and galleries and restaurants and cultural events and live music, so I live in the city, and I accept that that means smaller houses and smaller gardens and living cheek by jowl with other people. The countryside is nice, but living there FT would bore me silly, and I would really really hate having to drive everywhere. (I also go "oh god, WHY" whenever we get the old "we live very rurally and I don't drive".)

As my DF likes to say, life is all about choices. Every place you could conceivably live is a compromise.

gotomomo · 08/11/2023 21:05

Yanbu but I live in said place, assuming you accept every 20 mins bus as a suitable transport link and have £500k for a house

IcouldbutIdontwantto · 08/11/2023 21:09

Hmm, I kind of agree - but I live in a village with the country side on my doorstep and have some lovely independent restaurants, pubs and cafes all in walking distance, plus a small supermarket, schools, post office, dentist, doctors, library etc. The leisure centre is in the market town a couple of miles away (so walkable but not on my doorstep) where there are also more of the same amenities. Good bus services, and a train station with frequent trains taking you to the nearest city (about 45 minutes - DH and I both commute there) as well. So you can find such a place... houses aren't cheap though 😆