People moving out of cities but wanting all the things that a city offers

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Messages go something like this;
Hi, my husband and two kids and I are moving out of our one bed flat in x city and would like to find an area we can afford a four bedroom detached house. It MUST have great transport links to a neighbouring city, a thriving home Ed community, vegan bakery, great Lebanese food, a variety of brunch places and cool live music venues.

But that's why we all live in cities?!! There is no magical semi rural place with all the nice, cultural bits, jobs, facilities, public transport with cheap houses.
City life isn't for everyone so you either compromise on space or location. If you move out to the suburbs or the countryside then you know that you will no longer have those things in walking distance.
This is not just on mumsnet but in real life too. I work in a much cheaper area, bits are nicer, there is more green space but it's just not worth giving up the job opportunities, museums and like minded people you get in a city. My friends that have moved out have changed their whole life styles, more driving, more countryside, more meals in chain restaurants in retail parks, I'm not judging it at all! As someone who can barely afford to live here, I can't afford to eat out at all so all the new, cool pop up street food places are wasted on me anyway. But I still love being here.
AIBU

Your Frugi clad children will draw attention, you won't be able to get mesa harina or nutritional yeast in your local Tesco and the majority of people will not be as interested in Montessori preschools, wooden toys or other quite niche things as you.

Never have I been more called out on this website haha. This is why me and my Frugi clad children moved to a small town! Affordable houses and nearby nature, good transport to city, joined a few play groups in the next town over (rich London commuter samll town, cooler and much more expensive) to meet the wooden toys / montessori crowd. I do miss my city, of course, but it's a fairly decent compromise. I think that the people who think they want suburbs or country actually want a town.

I've only lived in smaller cities, which I think have the best of both worlds: Southampton, Hull, Portsmouth, Canterbury. My current home is on the edge of the city centre: shops, cinema, supermarkets, leisure centre, theatre, bus & train stations, farmer's market, schools, doctor, dentist are all within 15min walk. 5min in the other direction are 2 large nature reserves. Unfortunately, that makes it a magnet for the 'down from Londons' who've pushed up house prices, and several new estates are being buiilt.

You're not wrong.

But not all the countryside is a cultural and gastronomic desert. It depends where you go. And times are a-changing.

I grew up in a part of the countryside which was essentially the back-of-beyond. No one had heard of it. 40 minutes drive to the nearest decent-sized town. As for one bus per hour, there were usually around 3 buses a day. And the buses didn't run every day 😂. So you might be able to go somewhere on a Tuesday, but you'd have to wait till Thursday to get back. It was beautiful but oh god the winters could be so, so grey.

But now there are new restaurants, hotels and galleries popping up all over the place as it's suddenly been "discovered" in the past few years.

However, I know myself. Having lived in cities for and since university, there's no way I'm going smaller than a large market town with decent rail links or (present situation) a leafy suburb with a good bit of "pretend" countryside. Neither of the two extremes - village with a single shop or loft apartment in Zone 1 - are for me.

Where do you live @Mangotango39 and what do they complain about? I'm hoping to be an be an expat soon 😂

We're about half an hour to our local market town which has quite a few independent shops, nice restaurants and pubs. It also has a theatre and independent cinema. DD goes to school there so I can always pick up things that we need. There's a local Waitrose and independent shops for exotic ingredients. We're 45 minutes to the nearest city where DD and I can go to the theatre, gigs, art galleries and museums. There are some beautiful beaches about 45 minutes away

Our village has one local shop which is very limited but I just make sure I stock up in town and there is also little Co-op in the next village which is a five minute drive away and also has a doctor's surgery, bakers, butcher and other little shops. We are also in the middle of some gorgeous scenery and some of the darkest skies in Europe.

Yes we do have to drive but I feel like I've got the best of both worlds.

Houses aren't particularly cheap though and we definitely don't get any takeaway deliveries.

I think the main difference is that there is no public transport so driving is a must.

My nephew was pretty horrified when he came to visit and found that we had no 5G and his first comment when they pulled up outside our house was "Is this it?" in a slightly horrified tone. He does live in a city though!

Hmm...I live in a small country town with cheap houses, home ed, vegan bakeries, great live music venues, brunch, and 25 minute trains to a large city centre, which is useful because I can't drive. I don't think it's the only place.

Have you been to the countryside recently?

Your Frugi clad children will draw attention, you won't be able to get mesa harina or nutritional yeast in your local Tesco and the majority of people will not be as interested in Montessori preschools, wooden toys or other quite niche things as you

I feel personally attacked 😂

I don't live in a City but I have all the things you describe and more. I moved here a few back from a major city with a 1.5 million population, I now live in a town now with a population of around 60k. We have countryside on our doorstep, a huge choice of indy restaurants and shops, theatre and music venues a thriving community and affordable housing. Nearest city is around 55 minutes by train. You can have it all, I have 😂

@coliqua do you by chance live in Frome ? That has lots of that- not super cheap but cheap by SE prices

@Allicando where do you live- ? As plenty on here seem to want the impossible - and unless you have been everywhere it's impossible to know all areas

I live in a small rural hamlet but just 10 mins drive to a market town. There are lots of cool independent restaurants, including at least 3 vegan joints, lots of beautiful independent shops, thriving home ed scene, lots of live music etc. I do think city snobbery is unnecessary many people living rurally don't live in some boring cultural vacuum.

🤣🤣I think this is me

@VivaVivaa yes! I think a lot of it is that we are taught to aspire to the "dream home" very narrowly defined as basically the property you live in. But there isn't a comparable narrative for the "dream context", and yet as with most things in life, context is everything...

Well, when we moved here, we had an hourly bus service.
I now have to walk past primary and secondary school, tesco, postoffice etc etc to catch a bus. 45mins walk to my nearest bus stop. Why shouldn't I expect some public transport???

You can get fab amenities, more space and good access to country but those places are well trodden commuter locations and are £££. There seem to be quite classic paths of moving out eg Wimbledon to Guildford or West Hampstead to St Albans. You’re not going to be able to leave London, rock up to some random village in Devon and expect it to be like living in London but with cows.

There are places like that though - near Bristol there's Stroud and Frome that are steadily being twatted up Londoners. Most of the Cotswolds has the same thing.

I live in a city and meet lots of people that choose to move out of the city because it’s cheaper outside but expect to drive into the city without endless traffic of people doing the same, park for free without using the park and ride scheme whenever they like. Causing loads of jams and pollution just because they want a bigger house but still want access to everything at the drop of a hat.

As my Gran used to say... everyone wants to live in the middle of nowhere, next to Tescos.

YABU. What's so unreasonable about wanting to move out of a very big city to a small city or medium-sized town and asking on a large forum for recommendations of towns which might have the kind of facilities and vibe you want? I mean... you might not find one that ticks absolutely every single box, but there's no harm in trying!

I live in a suburb just 10 minutes drive and one train stop from a major city. I still get in a piss whenever I have to drive or train in and would like nothing more than to live right in the middle of it. I have friends who have moved out to the country. Their houses are nicer than mine and they have cosy pubs and cute village schools, but their QoL is definitely not better than mine - they always want to visit and sample the new bars and interesting shops that I have on my doorstep. And I know one of them deeply regrets the move, but house prices have shot ip and she can’t get anything similar for the money.

Funny when a new family moved into our village. They were most put out when they found out that we had no bus service at all. They saw the bus stops on the main road through the village but didn't think to check online about routes and timetables. In fact, had they asked or googled, they'd have discovered the last bus through the village was in 2005. That same year the library closed and is still empty, still with the library sign above the door - again they assumed it was still open and didn't ask. It blew their mind when they discovered there wasn't a village primary school - again closed 20 years ago, they just assumed every village had a school!

Yup. I live in rural Northumberland and love it. But when friends and family come and stay they bulk at the idea that there is no Uber or Deliveroo. They just can't imagine living somewhere where you can't order a Katsu curry at any time of the day or night.
No where has everything. I just happen to want to live in quiet beautiful countryside rather than a busy bustling city.
Having said that, we did make a conscious decision to be fairly close to a town where there is a lot of culture (Hexham) and good restaurants.

@IcouldbutIdontwantto where is this magical land please?

We have exactly the same. People who retire from the city and then complain about: the sound of the steam train from the heritage railway, the noise of the guns on Sunday at the local shoot, the smell from muck spreading and then say how unfriendly the locals are

What they don’t realise is that everyone knows everyone and everyone is probably related to everyone and their name is now mud for being so snooty and aggressive.

Chesham?!