Feeling isolated by work colleagues

[mickey54]

AIBU for being so upset about a situation at work? I work in an office environment with 8 other people. Today two of the staff were discussing an outing they had arranged with the team in front of me, which transpired a WhatsApp group has been created by one said member of staff and I was the only one excluded then proceeded to discuss it in front of me.
this is the second time now that I have been excluded and then they have discussed it in front of me. I feel so upset that People are cruel and unkind. I told my manager I felt like I was being singled out. I must say this is a very clicky environment with several staff in a click so the whole situation is unpleasant. I just don’t know what to do or whether being upset is normal. It’s hard to think your colleagues must dislike you so much ! I don’t know what to do ? AIBu ??? X

Consider discussing it with one of the more reasonable members of the team. There might be a genuine reason.
If not simply ask was there a reason you were not invited. At least then you know.

@Legaleagleplease yes I have one friend in the team but she does not like to be involved with them. I feel if I ask why not am I making more of an issue?!

Ok, I see two options. Ask your friend to raise it on your behalf sensitively, in a round about way.

Alternatively you can ask without making it a big deal. Act casual and not emotional.

If the response is painful to receive just play it down in public or plainly say that is not very nice.

Can you ask your friend for their honest opinion?

I've long learned that if I work in a toxic environment the best course of action is to find another job.

This is a form of bullying and should be reported to HR.

@Gettingbysomehow totally agree but having worked here for 20 years with no issues with any colleagues this has only started due to new colleagues starting the team anx causing a click it feels unfair to be pushed out your job in such circumstances 😞

@lissie123 thank you wasn’t sure who to speak with it’s definitely exclusion and doesn’t feel nice. X

@Holidayhell22 i can ask her yes xx

This is workplace bullying. Are you in a union? Tell HR about the way the team are excluding you.

@Legaleagleplease i can try but feeling a bit stupid about being emotional about it tbh 🙁

So does she go on the outings?

@Legaleagleplease no she doesn’t go and never has but still gets invited even tho they know she won’t go.

@MaliciaKeys yes I’m in the union I did wonder if they could help or advise?

Unfortunately I’ve found this can happen as you get older and/ or just a longtimer in a team when new people come in. The new ones often click together and you get treated almost like a different species, especially if a lot of previous colleagues you got on with have left.
Don’t know what the answer is.

You’ve worked there 20 years! Oh wow that is terrible.
I would raise it with your manager it’s not on.

Clique

@SurelySmartie yes you have hit the nail on the head, a lot of my longer term colleagues have left and the problems are being caused by newer staff xx

Just because you work together doesn't mean that you have to socialise together. Let them get on with it.

@Holidayhell22 i have but the issue with colleagues these are relatively new compared to that ! I will def speak to manager x

You're not there to make friends, go in get your work done

@RedHelenB totally agree, it’s not I want to go more everyone has been asked / discussing it and in front of me when not invited feels cruel and spiteful!!

What outcome do you want?
Them told they have to invite you when they go out?
Them not being allowed to discuss out loud their socialising?
Them getting told by work they can't socialise unless they invite you?
I know it's not popular on mn to say but I don't think work/hr should get involved in people's friendship groups.

@Shoxfordian hard to do when you spend so long in an office with a clique around you. You need to be pretty tough skinned to manage it.

@SheSaidHummingbird exactly