None of this is a stealth boast, I would just like an insight into how others do this.
DH is my second relationship ever. My first relationship lasted 5 years and it was in my early 20s with a man who I believe took advantage of me financially (I paid for absolutely everything, meals out, holidays etc.) I was naive and I just complied. I used to dream of being in a relationship where my partner would treat me, be wined and dined etc. I am giving context because I feel like I don't have perspective of what normal is.
OK, and with DH we've been together 4 years, married 3 and have 7 month old DC. While dating DH would pay for dates etc, I would always offer to go halves but he never let me. It felt really nice being "treated" and tbh even to this day it doesn't feel normal being paid for despite being his wife. Genuinely I feel like my previous relationship has made me so awkward with money.
Last week, we made a joint account so I can have some spending money etc. On maternity leave I only get SMP and so far DH has just been transferring me money. DH is a much higher earner than me (he makes 4 times my salary).
Ok, so you now have all the context. Here's my problem that I'd like some advice on:
This is going to sound so shallow but here we go.. Before I met DH I planned on pursuing a career in banking because I have seen my brother do well in it and I wanted to be similarly comfortable. I quit my job as a scientist (I spent years on my PhD etc only to wind up in a job the pays £30k) to try and angle myself in a better position for a banking role. I settled for a halfway house job and then my subsequent role (and the current role I'm in now) is one step closer to a banking job.
Now I have DC it almost feels as if my career is on ice. I don't know how much I can commit to those hours and whether I want to be in a job that demands me to be in the office 12 hours a day. And whether I should wait until DC is a bit older before committing to that type of career. We would also like two more DC as soon as we can (I am 32 and DH is 41)
Basically, what happens to all my dreams? They're a bit superficial, but I've always wanted a nice watch or a nice handbag (I mean designer things). DH has a nice watch that he treated himself to, many many years ago and similar things. He is not at all a big spender, but does have a handful of high value items. I feel like I can't really spend DH's money on this stuff as I wasn't "there" yet in my career but had it not been for DC I would still be aiming for it all head first. I spoke to DH about it and he says to buy/use the money for the things I want.
But it doesn't feel right given I know he himself is not a big spender and also that maybe if it weren't for DH I would only be able to afford one very expensive thing every couple of years. But also, does that just mean wait until I'm 40something once DC are all in school? DH's career is totally unaffected by having children.
Anyway, I would love some insight into how others do joint money/treat themselves if they want to.
Thank you.