Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

[Mysticcatmum]

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

Your family and personal life is as important as theirs, regardless of whether you have kids or not. I have kids and have worked Xmas before. It is what it is, just tell them to fuck right off politely refuse, no need to justify it.

@LaurieStrode this is such an offensive and judgemental way of looking at things.

I’m a doctor and a single parent who doesn’t have childcare at Christmas because I left an abusive marriage. I genuinely believe my ex is a sociopath, who is extremely skilled at deception and manipulation, and he played the part of being a decent man who respected women so well that not only I but all of my family and friends thought he was a brilliant choice for marriage and would make a fantastic husband. Then he dropped the mask after I got pregnant.

I would never have married him if I thought he was going to be abusive. I went through hell getting myself and my child out of that situation. It almost broke me completely. And I still have all the challenges of single parenting which is significant. But according to you I deserve to suffer forever for having had the misfortune to have been taken advantage of by an abusive man.

I get so frustrated with people like you who can’t understand that you could so easily have ended up in my shoes. Your judgement in men is not superior to mine. My ex has managed to fool even the judges at family court. Awful men are often very good at hiding their nasty side until a woman is trapped by marriage and/or pregnancy and preferably both, it’s literally part of the domestic abuse playbook.

Basically I would consider myself to have also been the victim of involuntary misfortune as you put it.

As for finding a childminder on Christmas Day, whatever comes up on Google, if you’ve never tried doing it in reality and evening he situation where you’re in need of it, you have no idea of how impossible that would be. I’m not here arguing that childless or child free people are less important and should give up their Christmas Day off for someone like me. But let’s not pretend that someone in my situation doesn’t have a genuinely challenging situation on their hands if they have to work Christmas Day.

It's annoying people are asking, but they are not entitled for asking to swap a shift. Ver y strange to use the word entitled. Are the childless people pestering you to swap NYE shifts to go partying, the colleagues that care for other dependants like elderly parents, or people that want to go abroad for Christmas to see family 'entitled' too? Strange thing to do just picking on the mothers asking for swaps and not anyone else. Sounds like there is more to this. 🤔

Usually the people throwing out the word entitled about every situation they disagree with tend to be the most entitled people I know. Plenty of examples on this thread.

Everythinghasgonetoshit, but it's not those without children who are asking parents to swap, is it? It is always (in my experience) those people who have children, who ask/pester their colleagues. Not only do they ask, they apply pressure and that is the issue. If it would be a question of colleague A asking colleague B if they would be willing to swap - and leaving it once told, 'no', then that would be one thing but it's not ever that, parents who feel entitled to ask (and it is entitlement), use their children as a lever.

I don't think it's right for people to ask it of individual team members. Maybe it should be a thing that if anybody does want to give up their Christmas/New Year time off, they are the ones to let it be known?

I totally accept that childcare on holidays/high days is difficult. It is for the employer to resolve and make provision for colleagues needing time off when they are rota'd to work.

People who have reproduced are so entitled.
As if their having had sex has done us all a favour.

I think I am saying the same thing with respect to taxes. We pay taxes to benefit society as a whole , and we benefit from living in a country with safety nets/ public services.
Which has nothing to do with a childless/ child free person being discriminated against when it come to having an earned day off at Christmas.

Over 500 comments and no update from OP
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It doesn't and shouldn't matter if your family have had a rough year. I have three children. The only day I have ever insisted I have off is their birthday (mid december and Christmas eve 🙄) but as soon as they're not bothered I'll work that too. Don't let them bully you into it!!

I agree with you, in an ideal world this would be for an employer to sort out, what a lovely utopia that would be, you’ve clearly never worked for the NHS though!

HR wash their hands of any impact that the rota they’ve designed has on individual people’s lives, even when informed well in advance of important events, and it’s all up to negotiation between individual people on the rota to sort out time off work at a time that you want/need it. Bear in mind these are often a whole bunch of people you don’t know from Adam as you’ve just been rota’ed to work there for the next 6 months.

There are so many times where people (including me) have had to beg for time off literally for their own wedding day, and the only thing HR say is “you’ll have to find someone to swap with you”. I wasn’t able to attend my best friend’s wedding because of this, she isn’t medical and just didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just make the effort to take time off for her wedding (believe me I tried but I was on a week of nights which unsurprisingly nobody wanted to swap into). I basically lost that friendship as a result.

I’m so glad I got out of hospital medicine and rota’ed leave. I can’t always get the exact leave I want as a GP but I can get most of it and my colleagues will generally cooperate to make sure I can attend important events, as I do for them too.

Maybe people should think about this before they combing childrearing with a 24/7 type career.

I totally refute the idea that with 364 days to do so, people cannot line up a minder for 9 hours on a Christmas Day.

Disability is an involuntary misfortune. People don't choose it.
Those who have children out of wedlock, or with a dodgy, absent or non-existent partner, or when they don't have sufficient resources (money, nearby family, friends, etc.) have CREATED the adverse situation by conscious choices. And then expect the rest of us to pick up the pieces.

As to childminders not being available on Christmas Day, what a crock. A quick google search turns up numerous options.

This is such a ridiculous post on so many levels (love the bit about ‘wedlock’, is it 1893 😂) but I’m really interested to hear more about the ‘numerous options’ for childminders who’ll take children on Christmas Day. Because I’ve just done a ‘quick google search’ and there are certainly aren’t ‘numerous options’ in my area (large town close to London).

The person who has 100 percent choice in whether or not to a) accept the sperm in the first place and b) continue with a pregnancy is, yes, more accountable for the outcomes. I don't excuse rotten and feckless men but the fact is that they have zero say in whether or not a child is born into shitty, disadvantaged or poorly resourced circumstances.

As a woman, no one ever made me have a child against my will. I accept that with more power comes more responsibility and more accountability.

@LaurieStrode your posts are wonderfully pompous 😂

Why does everyone use the word” entitlement” ? So puerile.

Whats entitled about asking for a holiday off that’s special to kids when you have kids. People are just asking.
If someone’s parent was terminally ill would they be entitled to ask as well? Because everyone has parents and they will all go one day. So that doesn’t make anyone special either does it.

@LaurieStrode oooohkay then! Remember not to have a career everyone if you want to have kids because you might be asked to work Christmas Day 🙄 Despite the fact that it is literally what saved me from being trapped in an abusive marriage and gave me the financial resources to leave. Meaning that I didn’t have to put my child in a shitty situation because of a rotten man.

Interesting that you say you’re not giving rotten and feckless men a free pass, and then immediately go on to give them one by saying they have no say into whether a child is born into shitty circumstances. Apparently these men just can’t help but spread their sperm around willy nilly, they have no control poor things…!!

YANBU

It's not your problem. They know they have children, and they choose to work a job that is likely to give them a Christmas shift. If they don't wan that, they need to find another job, not pressure others to give up their Christmases for them.

That's not fair,it's your turn x

Then don't work a job that might demand it. It's not your colleague's fault you made that choice.

The problem with that is then the child free person will never, ever get their turn. Because every year there will be someone with kids who has priority over them.

By prioritising people with children you are condemning the others to always be bottom, never get that special day off. And where does it end? Starts with Christmas Day, then goes on to Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, Easter, the child's birthday, their Nativity Play, their Sports Day.....

As I posted above, I was always willing to work but it got to the stage when I'd just had enough of being the one who was always at the bottom of the heap, it was never my turn, because others all had good reasons to be prioritised over me. Every. Single Time.

The main reason I volunteered to work over the Christmas/New Year period this year was because nobody made the assumption that I would do it, and nobody was prioritised over me, and I wasn't pressured into it.

@lightisnotwhite - in my opinion, the entitled parents aren’t the ones that are simply asking if a colleague will swap with them - they are the ones who are not taking No for an answer, pestering, guilt-tripping, and expecting that the colleague who has no children is going to give up their fourth/fifth/sixth/umpteenth Christmas in a row, because they don’t have children so don’t deserve to spend the day with their family/loved ones.

When you are a parent, you save up the good will of colleagues for times when you HAVE to be off. Child has a hospital appointment and must be accompanied by their legal guardian - you MUST take the time off. Child is sick, school, childcare or frail grandparent is NOT an option, you MUST take time off. Childcare calls out an hour before you drop them off and no-one else is available short notice. Those are the times that colleagues must step in and rightly so. Everything else you organise your childcare around your work.

If people wanted to work Christmas Day, they'd already be on the rota. It's obnoxious to bother someone when the exchange only benefits the asker, not the askee. It's entitled to put people on the spot and make them feel guilty, defensive or bothered, which they will.

Asking someone to trade and take the inferior day, for non-emergency reasons like "Christmas magic," IS entitled.

But they should have backup, too. Going through life assuming Plan A will always work out is irresponsible. If I found that someone hadn't bothered to make contingency plans in case grandparents sick, nursery closed, etc., I'd not be impressed. Co-workers aren't the emergency Plan B.