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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

898 replies

Mysticcatmum · 08/11/2023 11:15

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 09/11/2023 22:01

YANBU you have done your fair share in the past and this year, it is your turn to have that day off.

I grew up with a nurse and a police officer for parents, so one would generally be working, or they both worked opposite shifts. We still had lovely Christmases.

Enjoy having the day off!

KissyMissy · 09/11/2023 22:10

SkiingIsHeaven · 08/11/2023 12:34

Wear a badge say "Don't even ask"

👏

2021x · 09/11/2023 22:32

Nah done this, I volunteered the first 4 years with all the other immigrants but there was a year that all 3 of us had made other plans (one had a baby, one went home and I had booked a holiday) People actually said "We want to spend Christmas with family and you don't live near your family, so you should cover Christmas". Not one person had actually said thank you in previous years that I had volunteered so they didn't have to.

HappiestSleeping · 09/11/2023 22:33

HakunaMatiłda · 08/11/2023 11:18

You are entitled to the day off.

They are entitled to ask you to swap.

You are entitled to say fuck off no.

This 👆

DollyLeggs · 09/11/2023 22:34

YANBU & you do not have to justify yourself to your entitled colleagues. Stay strong and enjoy your Christmas.

UKAus · 10/11/2023 01:22

Nope, have the time off. Enjoy your life. They have a job that requires working Christmas sometimes, that is their choice. Speaking as someone who worked most Christmas' and new years and Easters so others could be with their children for almost two decades. Nope nope nope, never again. Your life is not less important than theirs. I regret being so accommodating.

LaurieStrode · 10/11/2023 02:13

CaramacFiend · 09/11/2023 20:49

Not your problem, OP. Maybe you decided to forego having kids to focus on other stuff. You certainly don't want to miss out on that for other people's kids.

This is another good point.

Many if us chose to not have kids because we consciously chose to spend our time, money and energy on activities we do value. Not so we'd be available handmaidens to the childed. Fuck that.

LaurieStrode · 10/11/2023 02:19

treebranch123 · 09/11/2023 20:20

I think the issue that I would have is, it's the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare. Unless you use your family which may be not possible for some people. In that sense, it can be tricky for parents.

Unless you are a FULL TIME carer for a relative, nothing quite compares to being a parent. And how tricky it can be to find cover especially at Christmas.

For example, my mum couldn't really she has full time caring responsibilities when the reality is she popped in to see my Nan a couple of times a month and might take some shopping over or host her for Christmas once every three years. Having a child is 24/7 and for some there is little opportunity for a break.

I think possibly the fairest thing would be to take turns. Or to work shorter shifts on that day so everyone takes their turn.

I see so many of these threads lately which is very strange... hating parents

My answer to that is: too bad, so sad.
Don't bother me with your domestic problems; I'm your coworker, not your mother.

You have 364 days to source childcare for 8 or 9 hours on Dec 25. Get on with it instead of importuning your colleagues.

PandorasMailbox · 10/11/2023 04:59

You have as much right as anyone else to have Christmas Day off. My sister used to have the same problem as you with everyone expecting her to work over Christmas just because they'd chosen to have children and at that point, she didn't have any. She still had a mother, sisters, brother, nieces and a nephew who she wanted to spend Christmas with.

I've actually volunteered to work Christmas Day this year. My kids are grown and quite honestly, I'd rather be working than eating crap and watching shite on TV.

Don't let them guilt you into backing down.

Nurselifex · 10/11/2023 06:31

YANBU, I’m a manager in the NHS and would love to give everyone (including myself) Christmas off however our service also runs 24 7. We take it in turns to cover Christmas. It’s part of the job we do unfortunately. I think what makes it easier for our staff is that managers who do the rota also work key shifts too

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 10/11/2023 07:07

2021x · 09/11/2023 22:32

Nah done this, I volunteered the first 4 years with all the other immigrants but there was a year that all 3 of us had made other plans (one had a baby, one went home and I had booked a holiday) People actually said "We want to spend Christmas with family and you don't live near your family, so you should cover Christmas". Not one person had actually said thank you in previous years that I had volunteered so they didn't have to.

Edited

Fucking racists/xenophobes! Hope they all got sacked!

MargotBamborough · 10/11/2023 07:25

2021x · 09/11/2023 22:32

Nah done this, I volunteered the first 4 years with all the other immigrants but there was a year that all 3 of us had made other plans (one had a baby, one went home and I had booked a holiday) People actually said "We want to spend Christmas with family and you don't live near your family, so you should cover Christmas". Not one person had actually said thank you in previous years that I had volunteered so they didn't have to.

Edited

My god, the brass fucking neck of that.

GilChesterton13 · 10/11/2023 07:29

the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare.

Really???? The one day where childcare can be a problem???

Isometimeswonder · 10/11/2023 07:31

Just laugh at them when they ask you. A proper "Ha hahaha ha ha..NO."

MargotBamborough · 10/11/2023 07:35

UKAus · 10/11/2023 01:22

Nope, have the time off. Enjoy your life. They have a job that requires working Christmas sometimes, that is their choice. Speaking as someone who worked most Christmas' and new years and Easters so others could be with their children for almost two decades. Nope nope nope, never again. Your life is not less important than theirs. I regret being so accommodating.

This is precisely the problem in a nutshell.

The moral obligation never ends, does it?

There are people on this thread who talk about having worked over Christmas when they were young and childfree so others could be with their children and now think other people should do the same. But if you don't ever have children, you are never the priority person. You've got potentially a 40+ year career where you are never considered deserving of time off at Christmas, because there is always someone else with young children.

Older people who are childfree because for whatever reason they never had kids shouldn't accept this as their lot in life because if they do they will be expected to do it every year.

Even younger people who haven't had kids yet but plan to some day shouldn't necessarily feel the need to do this. If you live with your parents and you don't care about Christmas or you're getting paid time and a half and then you get to clock off at the end of the day and go back to your family Christmas, working on the 25th might be no big deal for you. If you're living in a flat share hundreds of miles from your family and you don't have a car, working at Christmas might involve having to get expensive taxis to and from work which wipe out your pay and then going home to an empty house.

So in my view, everyone might have equally valid reasons for wanting to be off at Christmas, and people with children should never be considered a priority.

What employers should do, if they really need to be open at Christmas, is to offer extra pay and transport to and from work for anyone who usually relies on public transport, and then ask for volunteers. Anyone who doesn't mind working can put themselves forward. Then they should work out how many extra staff they need from the non volunteers, and then see how many of those people worked Christmas last year and eliminate all of those people if at all possible. Then you choose your remaining Christmas staff by picking names out of a hat. And you do it early enough in the year to give people with children enough time to sort childcare if necessary.

Ewock · 10/11/2023 07:51

You deserve to have the time off, everyone should have a turn. When you take a job in an area where working over christmas happens then you have to suck it up when it's your turn.
Keep strong and say no.
My dsis and her dh don't have chn but they love a family Christmas with us our dc and our elderly parents. Why should they kiss out on that. Christmas is for family/friends/whatever you want it to be. Doesn't matter if there are kids there or not. I have dc and myself and dh work in areas where holiday work and weekend work is not part of it, this was a choice we made when we decided to have chn.

lightisnotwhite · 10/11/2023 08:28

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/11/2023 18:12

@lightisnotwhite - what about the elderly person who has to spend Christmas alone because their childless son or daughter can’t have Christmas off because the parents of young children always take priority? Or the person whose children are grown up, but has a terminally ill relative and wants to spend their last Christmas with them? Or what about the person who has no children and has worked every Christmas for several years, and would just like to have one Christmas Day with their family?

Oh for goodness sake. Read previous post . Yes of course there are other family reasons.
The point was about having the time off because it’s written a shift sheet.

It’s not just “time off” if you have a young family.

sueelleker · 10/11/2023 08:39

What employers should do, if they really need to be open at Christmas, is to offer extra pay and transport to and from work for anyone who usually relies on public transport, and then ask for volunteers. Anyone who doesn't mind working can put themselves forward. Then they should work out how many extra staff they need from the non volunteers, and then see how many of those people worked Christmas last year and eliminate all of those people if at all possible. Then you choose your remaining Christmas staff by picking names out of a hat. And you do it early enough in the year to give people with children enough time to sort childcare if necessary.
I worked in a hospital pharmacy, and that's what they did. In October, sheets went round with the weeks before, during and after Christmas and the New Year. You ticked the dates you wanted, then they worked out a balance of working days between us. One of my colleagues liked the New Year, because he went skiing, and I liked the days before Christmas so that I could do the final preparations at leisure. We didn't always get what we wanted, but it balanced out.

MargotBamborough · 10/11/2023 08:44

lightisnotwhite · 10/11/2023 08:28

Oh for goodness sake. Read previous post . Yes of course there are other family reasons.
The point was about having the time off because it’s written a shift sheet.

It’s not just “time off” if you have a young family.

Show quote history

Yes it is.

Your childcare arrangements are no one else's problem.

x2boys · 10/11/2023 08:48

Nurselifex · 10/11/2023 06:31

YANBU, I’m a manager in the NHS and would love to give everyone (including myself) Christmas off however our service also runs 24 7. We take it in turns to cover Christmas. It’s part of the job we do unfortunately. I think what makes it easier for our staff is that managers who do the rota also work key shifts too

Is that just.for xmas?
When I wss a nurse ,it wss frowned upon for managers to work shifts due to being to expensive ,hence most of them worked 9-5 Monday - Friday

x2boys · 10/11/2023 08:51

treebranch123 · 09/11/2023 20:20

I think the issue that I would have is, it's the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare. Unless you use your family which may be not possible for some people. In that sense, it can be tricky for parents.

Unless you are a FULL TIME carer for a relative, nothing quite compares to being a parent. And how tricky it can be to find cover especially at Christmas.

For example, my mum couldn't really she has full time caring responsibilities when the reality is she popped in to see my Nan a couple of times a month and might take some shopping over or host her for Christmas once every three years. Having a child is 24/7 and for some there is little opportunity for a break.

I think possibly the fairest thing would be to take turns. Or to work shorter shifts on that day so everyone takes their turn.

I see so many of these threads lately which is very strange... hating parents

Nobody is hating parents ,its the unfairness of it all
When you work in a 24hr service like the NHS you know childcare will be an issue and its not just Xmas day ,its weekends ,nights etc that need covering
Its really not fair to expect other colleagues who don't have children to work all the rubbish shifts .

Brefugee · 10/11/2023 08:58

When we get questions on MN about splitting Christmas with an ex and where the children celebrate, one of the answers is often "so have Christmas a day earlier/later" whatever. Why isn't that the answer here?

My DH worked most Christmas days until our DC were about 10 because he's a chef and that is how cheffing works. He usually managed to get Boxing Day off, but if not we just pushed the whole celebratory bit (presents, dinner, games) until we could all be together. It bothered our DCs not one jot. They usually got a stocking, and maybe a small present on The Day, but the rest was done all togehter. And now they are grown and have left home, we still all get together on a day that suits us all and do the same thing (one of my DC works shifts - nobody is allowed to have annual leave over the public holidays and they give people the shifts they request where they can, but it is not a given)

That is the clear solution here. Not entitlement and "me me me I'm more important and you must prioritise MY DCs"

Having said that: i don't think it's too bad to ask generally if anyone wants to swap, as long as it is kept light and a refusal isn't then challenged

Runki · 10/11/2023 08:59

I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest. Before I had children, I worked with a woman who did have children, and for years , she was given priority for the day off on Christmas Eve. One year I thought I would really like Christmas Eve off that year. On 1st January, I made a request to have Christmas Eve off that year (so I gave almost twelve months' notice). My boss told me she couldn't agree to it as she would have to see what my colleague (the one with children) wanted to do nearer the time. I remember feeling so annoyed! I did eventually get the day off, but it was the first time in about ten years, and I was made to feel dreadful about it, because I didn't have children. What could I possibly want to do on Christmas Eve?! Now I have children, I always try to be careful not to become like that woman! You enjoy your Christmas Day off....it is well deserved!

Nurselifex · 10/11/2023 09:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Possimpible · 10/11/2023 09:15

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Disagree, services should absolutely not be person-dependent. You should never be in a position where you are the only person who can do X Y or Z. Nobody is indispensable. I'm probably a similar band, and if either of us were hit by a bus tomorrow they'd cope.