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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working on christmas day, the entitlement of others

898 replies

Mysticcatmum · 08/11/2023 11:15

I have a job in a 111 NHS call centre, the office is open 24hrs 7 days a week. I have just been given my Christmas rota and to my delight I have been given off Xmas day (which I have worked previous years).

Now I have had an influx of colleagues who have children, asking me to cover their shifts since 'I have no children'.

So, my question is, AIBU for thinking that I do not (apprantly) deserve to have a christmas off with my family (who have had a rough year) all for the sake of those who have children, who have been off previous years?

OP posts:
treebranch123 · 09/11/2023 20:20

I think the issue that I would have is, it's the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare. Unless you use your family which may be not possible for some people. In that sense, it can be tricky for parents.

Unless you are a FULL TIME carer for a relative, nothing quite compares to being a parent. And how tricky it can be to find cover especially at Christmas.

For example, my mum couldn't really she has full time caring responsibilities when the reality is she popped in to see my Nan a couple of times a month and might take some shopping over or host her for Christmas once every three years. Having a child is 24/7 and for some there is little opportunity for a break.

I think possibly the fairest thing would be to take turns. Or to work shorter shifts on that day so everyone takes their turn.

I see so many of these threads lately which is very strange... hating parents

Gingernan · 09/11/2023 20:21

Of course you deserve your Christmas off! Thank you for what you do!
When I was young my stepmumwould work most Christmases as a nurse and dad and I would cook dinner for her return! A working Christmas is still Christmas.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/11/2023 20:22

Nobody hates parents @treebranch123. We hate entitlement. If you’d been unable to have one Christmas off in 7 years due to other parents kicking off, you’d be annoyed too.

And if you’re unable to work Christmas day then you choose a job that doesn’t require it - you don’t just decide it’s someone else’s job to cover it for you and then say they hate parents if they get sick of it.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/11/2023 20:23

Keep your well earned day off

theduchessofspork · 09/11/2023 20:23

CherryMyBrandy · 08/11/2023 17:55

@LaurieStrode Don't be ridiculous. Announce it! How would they do that ffs! Ask the local town crier! You can throw about phrases all you like. Here's one:you don't ask, you don't get! Obviously not ok to put pressure on anyone but of course it's fine to ask. Don't be silly.

I think she was thinking more like a group WhatsApp?

But a town cryer would be a nice touch for sure.

🤦‍♀️

Zzey · 09/11/2023 20:23

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Why did they choose that job if there was a chance they have to work Christmas day (but they've got kids and don't want to)

You are entitled to have a Christmas with your family too, I'd stay strong and say I'm sorry but I can't.

TiredCatLady · 09/11/2023 20:24

likethislikethat · 09/11/2023 19:37

Sell your day off.

£500 or £1000 in the bank is well worth missing the day.

In this kind of job, this isn’t a thing. If you are rota’d on, then you’re paid the same as any other day more often than not. So it’s not financially beneficial. Same as bank holiday pay doesn’t really exist for most people any more. Or even overtime for that matter.

SecondUsername4me · 09/11/2023 20:24

If people want to guarantee Christmas day off then they don't work in industry which is open christmas day.

And I say that as someone who often worked Christmas day with kids.

Gamjs · 09/11/2023 20:25

Take it off, if you swap with someone there will be someone else who thinks that’s unfair.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 09/11/2023 20:26

TiredCatLady · 09/11/2023 20:24

In this kind of job, this isn’t a thing. If you are rota’d on, then you’re paid the same as any other day more often than not. So it’s not financially beneficial. Same as bank holiday pay doesn’t really exist for most people any more. Or even overtime for that matter.

Show quote history

Exactly. If you’re going to force someone to miss out on Christmas every year, you should at least pay them well for it, but that’s not what happens.

theduchessofspork · 09/11/2023 20:27

treebranch123 · 09/11/2023 20:20

I think the issue that I would have is, it's the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare. Unless you use your family which may be not possible for some people. In that sense, it can be tricky for parents.

Unless you are a FULL TIME carer for a relative, nothing quite compares to being a parent. And how tricky it can be to find cover especially at Christmas.

For example, my mum couldn't really she has full time caring responsibilities when the reality is she popped in to see my Nan a couple of times a month and might take some shopping over or host her for Christmas once every three years. Having a child is 24/7 and for some there is little opportunity for a break.

I think possibly the fairest thing would be to take turns. Or to work shorter shifts on that day so everyone takes their turn.

I see so many of these threads lately which is very strange... hating parents

Don’t be daft, no one is hating parents.

The OP is pointing out that Christmas is an important family day for many people, with small children or not, and the people expecting her to give up her day for them are CFs.

If you are (say) an A&E nurse with young children you will have to have family back up childcare or else you wouldn’t be able to do the job in the first place - nurseries don’t work on Sundays or in the evenings, so the childcare argument does not apply.

As for taking turns.. that is what happens.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 09/11/2023 20:28

You are entitled to it off and shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Would it mean more to someone with young kids (and more importantly the kids)? yes absolutely Christmas is a much bigger deal for little kids. You’re bonkers if you think otherwise. Adults enjoy it of course but to little kids it’s magic and that must be dampened hugely if they are missing their parent.

There will always be someone ‘more
deserving’ of everything you have though. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve It or shouldn’t have it.

Spendonsend · 09/11/2023 20:28

Both my parents did shift work which involved either one of both of them working christmas day. They used to try do opposite shifts. It was fine. I have nice memories of opening presents at unusual times and eating the maim meal the day before or late etc.

I can see a single parent with no family or friends is going to struggle to find child care though so i'm not quite sure what they can do to solve that.

Witchbitch20 · 09/11/2023 20:42

Enjoy your day off OP. You deserve it.

Possimpible · 09/11/2023 20:44

@itsalongwaybackfromsorryFor all those people advising people to 'just say no' to working on Christmas, that's not how these jobs work.

Who's saying just say no to working? Nobody that I can see. People are saying to say no to the CFs asking OP to give up her management-rostered Christmas Day off!

@treebranch123I think the issue that I would have is, it's the one day a year that it is tricky to find childcare. Unless you use your family which may be not possible for some people. In that sense, it can be tricky for parents

The other parent? If you're a shift worker who is a single parent and has no family support, you'd need to already have an agreement in place with your employer to support, and you'd be unlikely to be on for Christmas without prior discussion. Reasonable adjustments where truly necessary.

I think possibly the fairest thing would be to take turns

Err, which is exactly what OP is wanting to do..? It's her turn to be off work

Soffii87 · 09/11/2023 20:48

YANBU!
also talking from experience Christmas after the actual day with kids is great because food is cheaper, and shops are open for emergency batteries for new toys haha. Takes the pressure off habit. To be super organised lol so on short I would never ask someone to swap ‘because I have kids and they don’t’.
someone did that to me once and it felt very hurtful (because I wanted kids) but they told me that seeing my parents (who lived far away) was not as important as them spending Christmas with their kids who they saw every day!
stay strong and enjoy your Christmas Day off!

CaramacFiend · 09/11/2023 20:49

Not your problem, OP. Maybe you decided to forego having kids to focus on other stuff. You certainly don't want to miss out on that for other people's kids.

Househusband123 · 09/11/2023 20:55

I work in similar job. I have two primary aged children and working Christmas Day. If I dont like it I can get another job. It isn't for my colleagues to bail me out. Tell them all to jog on.

AdoraBell · 09/11/2023 20:56

Stick to your guns. You’ve worked Christmas Day many times now it’s your turn. End off.

I once swapped holiday dates with a colleague who couldn’t get childcare for half term. Boss said I could choose any other week. Then HR didn’t approve any dates I tried to book.

Jack80 · 09/11/2023 21:02

I used to work in a care home and I worked christmas day and new years eve it's how it falls. Luckily I had a 8-2 shift on Christmas and it was a 12 hour I think on new years eve.

Mrschristmasqueen · 09/11/2023 21:04

You are definitely not being unreasonable. You are as entitled to Christmas Day off as everyone else. I spent 15 years in the police, working shifts. Once I had my children I didn't want to work Christmas Day anymore so I found a job that didn't involve Christmas working. My husband is still in the police and will be working Christmas Day this year. It's the nature of the job and you know this when you take on a 24/7 job. Enjoy your well deserved day off.

winnieanddaisy · 09/11/2023 21:37

One year when I was working we had a few new starters on our ward our Ward Manager did the Christmas off duty and gave all the new starters Christmas Day off and most other staff to work .
when I asked her reasons she said that they all had small children and we don’t .
I let her know that it was wrong as just because my children were now adults did she think I was to work Christmas Day for the next 20 years ?
turns apiece is more fair which we had always tried to do it .

Weenurse · 09/11/2023 21:42

The fact that you are asking for validation here tells me you are being guilted in a big way at work.
Personally, I preferred the night duty Christmas Eve. Home in time for Church Christmas Day. Nap while meal was being cooked. Off to work again while clean up was being done.
Kudos from family and friends for working Christmas.
I had it made!
Do not feel guilty for having the day off, it is your turn.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/11/2023 21:51

YANBU to tell them to do one.

You would also NBU to sell your Christmas holiday to the highest bidder! And enjoy a specially designated Christmas Day in lieu with your family. It’s just a random date in the calendar at the end of the day.

PortalooSunset · 09/11/2023 21:54

I've had a long day and I'm struggling a bit but I think from how you worded your last bit that yes, YABU. It's absolutely unreasonable to think that you don't deserve Christmas off just because you don't have kids. Rotas are done like that so everyone has a turn off and then works another year.

I'm in a job where I don't have to work it any more, but I'd never ask anyone to swap when I was rotad on. Just once asked a colleague if I could swap my morning for her late but it was actually mutually beneficial and I'd have sucked it up if she said no with no ill feelings.

Enjoy your day @MysticcatmumFlowers

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