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Original poster

To have a sulk over this comment in bold

111 replies

dreambream · 07/11/2023 22:44

DH: I think we need to decommission the babygrow DC is wearing. It's too tight around the legs.
Me: you shouldn't have put it on her if you felt it was that tight
DH: you could have taken it off her too
Me: I didn't put it on her
DH: it was tight on the legs, you could see there was no give
Me now feeling irritable: if I had seen it I would have taken it off, I wasn't paying attention. I guess this is how we learn as parents. Next time you feel like it's too tight, just don't put it on her, you don't need to tell me.
DH: you didn't need to give me all that commentary, you could have just said 'fine'
Me: Fine.

Perhaps it's immature of me, and I need to learn how to deal with my irritation better. But I haven't spoken to DH since and he's now downstairs building some flat pack furniture. He asked if I was annoyed I said no and that I was going to bed. DH is the King of avoidance so not a chance he will ask again. And I shall sit here and stew and think about how much of a knobby comment he made.

OP posts:
Weepingskies · 08/11/2023 10:55

Well done OP I really admire you for responding like this - it’s not easy to reflect and think maybe you need to make some changes but it is something I respect a huge amount. Good luck!

billy1966 · 08/11/2023 11:17

Good for you OP.

You sound tired and worn out.

Have a look at how much you are doing and see if you can make things a bit easier for yourself.

Getting enough sleep is crucial.

Eat simply to make life easier.

Soups, toasties etc.

Anything to make life easier for you.

Username6445 · 08/11/2023 11:22

Willowkins · 07/11/2023 22:52

DH: I think we need to decommission the babygrow DC is wearing. It's too tight around the legs.
Me: Can you take it off her now then please? I'm busy putting the flatpack furniture together.
Fixed it for you Grin

This ☝️👍

or: ‘oh so it is. Yeah last time she’s wearing that eh?’

Isittimeformynapyet · 08/11/2023 12:45

saraclara · 08/11/2023 10:41

I'm really glad that this thread has helped @dreambream . I think that getting some therapy is a really good idea. As you recognise yourself, your reaction really wasn't justified, and you deserve to feel more relaxed and happier. And of course (although plenty of mumsnetters want to make him the villain!) your DH needs to be able make innocuous conversation without risking decapitation!

The best of luck, and all power to you for taking responses on board positively.

Edited

Nice post @saraclara , but are we allowed to say decapitation? 🤔 It's even longer than decommission....

Trevorton · 08/11/2023 12:51

Minfilia · 07/11/2023 23:11

Yeah, you attacked him first. He does have a point.

“yeah you’re right it is looking a bit small, just throw it away tomorrow”

would have saved all the drama over nothing

Yup

Projectme · 08/11/2023 12:56

DappledThings · 08/11/2023 08:16

Decommission made me laugh.

My response to the first message would just have been "Ok". It was information. Didn't need anything else. Wouldn’t have got my back up at all.

I thought the same as you @DappledThings

so whomever has changing 'duty' in the morning, knows the babygro isn't to be used again so is to be chucked/re-washed for charity bag.

MasterBeth · 08/11/2023 12:59

Looooads of assumptions in this conversation.

He said "We need to...."

Loads of people on this thread heard it as "You need to..." and make all sorts of assumptions that he's saying that you (as the woman) will be responsible for carrying out the action.

But you don't actually hear that. You hear it as an invitation for a mild rebuke of your husband.

Why couldn't you have said "fine" or "good idea - please do that."

(And then get knobby about him for using the term "decommission"...)

MasterBeth · 08/11/2023 13:01

billyt · 08/11/2023 08:47

That was my first thought.

Alright, our girls are all grown up now, but if I thought something was too small for them I'd not put it on. I'd say to my wife 'babygro too small, I'm not putting it on' and she'd probably agree. We'd probably have bigger ones as well, anyway (cos babies grow Grin)

I don't think OPs first response was too bad, all she said was 'but you put it on'.

Why would anyone with an iota of intelligence put something on a baby that was too small/tight? Hardly fair to make the baby uncomfortable.

Show quote history

Why would anyone with an iota of intelligence put something on a baby that was too small/tight?

Because they were absent-mindedly changing the baby and, in retrospect, realised it was a bit tight?

MasterBeth · 08/11/2023 13:05

CrikeyMajikey · 08/11/2023 05:47

For me this is the start of Mum’s Mental Load. As a SAHM for 18 years I’m seriously sick of carrying the mental load. As a PP says, and assuming you do the washing, you are now taking on the mental load as you have to wash it, dry it, remember it doesn’t fit and put it into the charity bag.

In hindsight, I should have explained to DS to take it off, put it into the charity bag, mention it to me. What I actually would have done is cut the feet off for more wear and continued my journey towards mental load overload.

Don’t sulk, explain you’re tired and cranky, have a little cuddle and make friends before falling asleep.

assuming you do the washing

More fool you for putting up with a family situation where you assume the woman is the natural and only washer of clothes.

MasterBeth · 08/11/2023 13:08

Summonedbybees · 08/11/2023 08:40

@Hibiscrubbed
Why should the daily fixing of the loo seat which the OP says he does regularly without mentioning it, be his job?

If he is genuinely fixing the toilet seat every day, he is doing a terrible job at it!

electriclight · 08/11/2023 15:05

I'd use the word decommission and I'm not a twat. I think some of the responses on this thread explain why my new cohort of pupils have such poor vocabulary.

OP, really glad you've got a good one and sorted it all out.

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