To have a sulk over this comment in bold

[dreambream]

DH: I think we need to decommission the babygrow DC is wearing. It's too tight around the legs.
Me: you shouldn't have put it on her if you felt it was that tight
DH: you could have taken it off her too
Me: I didn't put it on her
DH: it was tight on the legs, you could see there was no give
Me now feeling irritable: if I had seen it I would have taken it off, I wasn't paying attention. I guess this is how we learn as parents. Next time you feel like it's too tight, just don't put it on her, you don't need to tell me.
DH: you didn't need to give me all that commentary, you could have just said 'fine'
Me: Fine.

Perhaps it's immature of me, and I need to learn how to deal with my irritation better. But I haven't spoken to DH since and he's now downstairs building some flat pack furniture. He asked if I was annoyed I said no and that I was going to bed. DH is the King of avoidance so not a chance he will ask again. And I shall sit here and stew and think about how much of a knobby comment he made.

When someone says 'we need to' they mean you. I usually say yes we do then do it if I want to.

I'd have said "good to know maybe next time take it off and replace it with one that does fit " so you are handing the problem back.

For me this is the start of Mum’s Mental Load. As a SAHM for 18 years I’m seriously sick of carrying the mental load. As a PP says, and assuming you do the washing, you are now taking on the mental load as you have to wash it, dry it, remember it doesn’t fit and put it into the charity bag.

In hindsight, I should have explained to DS to take it off, put it into the charity bag, mention it to me. What I actually would have done is cut the feet off for more wear and continued my journey towards mental load overload.

Don’t sulk, explain you’re tired and cranky, have a little cuddle and make friends before falling asleep.

I'm genuinely surprised at some of these replies.
Let's just role reverse for a second.
Woman says babygrow is too tight.
Man replies "you shouldn't have put it on her if you felt it was that tight"
Man gets absolutely flamed for it.

He was making a general observation that the babygro was small. I'm sure the babygro wasn't so tight as to be cutting off the baby's blood supply to her legs 🙄 You then immediately fired back with blame. Any sentence that starts with "you should have" is instantly inflammatory.

I've done it before now where I've got baby dressed for bed etc then realised the babygro is a bit on the small side but not enough so to warrant unsettling her right before bed by stripping it off her and changing it. But then by saying it out loud to someone else acts as a bit of a mental note to you both that whoever gets her changed in the morning should put that gro to one side as its a bit small.

I don't see why it needed to escalate into a blame game?

I can't understand the pp tying themselves in knots to blame dh.

He put the babygro on and noticed it was a bit tight - not tight enough to immediately remove, but whoever takes it off in the morning needs to drop it in the bin.

He mentions this in an entirely reasonable way. Maybe he is telling op so she knows why he has put it in the bin. Maybe he is telling op because she will be the parent undressing baby in the morning.

Yet op, having had a bad day, turns this into a criticism of him.

She posts here about the fact that he 'never shows emotion' as further criticism, when really he is just someone who is able to control his emotions - unlike his dw who causes an unnecessary argument and then sulks about it.

Posters banging on about 'mental load' when he's the one downstairs building furniture.

I wonder what the responses would be if op made an innocuous comment and dh criticised her, caused an argument and then sulked while she built furniture.

Feels like many on mn just want to fuel more drama for their own entertainment sometimes.

OP - I hope you have a better day today.

The OP is sulking passive-aggressively over a non-comment and has completely ruined an evening and yet people are blaming the DH???

I mean this kindly, OP: get a grip and get some help for that sulking. I was married to a sulker, note "was". It sucks the very life out of you. It WILL ruin your marriage.

He is building flat pack furniture not painting a masterpiece

He saw it was too tight he should have delt with it then and there not passed it off onto the next person

surprised that you're old enough to be married TBH
your poor child

Only on MN, can the act of thinking to oneself "those baby gros are a bit small now, I'll chuck them in recycling and get some new ones from Asda tomorrow" be construed as "mental load" like the Thinker is the busiest person ever.

Seen it on here a few times recently.

I would be so annoyed with DH from the start. Its going to get incredibly draining if every single little decision has to be discussed like that. Just a simple "I'm going to change baby out of that one as it looks too tight" from him would have sufficed why do you need to be involved?

Hope you have a better day today
Sulking is childish and immature-try not to.

This is EXACTLY the type of banal task that contributes to the mental load of running a household and looking after small children. When it’s the same person responsible for these things time and time again, it’s no wonder parents (mostly women) become burnt out and stressed if the workload (even just the thinking, coordinating smd planning) is unequally shared.

I am sure that there are some men who don't contribute to the mental load of monitoring a child's clothes. I am equally sure that there are women who don't contribute to the mental load of mending loo seats, looking after the garden, wear and tear on the house, building flat packs etc. or even contributing to household finances by having a paid job. Being a SAHP for eighteen years is probably going to lead to resentment on both sides.
However, I think the OP knows that she was wrong and just wanted a bit of a hand hold. Have a better day today

What stripped baby just as he's going to bed?

I'd do what he did - when baby gets undressed in the morning, the babygro needs to go in the bin.

I don't think women help their cause at all by calling the above mental load. We don't have to see victimhood in every interaction.

From what you've quoted, his opener sounds fairly neutral and your response a bit combative. I think that like him I'd have eventually felt I didn't need the 'commentary. However obviously we can't see tone here, which no doubt played a big part.

He said babygrow shouldn't be used again as a bit small ,the answer is 'ok ' or 'I'd not noticed' or something else similar. Baby obviously not uncomfortable so all the rest is point scoring.

Sorry OP but you sound like hard work. I hope you had a cuddle and apologised for being snarky.

Surely we have all put little ones in clothes and thought “oh that’s a bit small will need to get rid when it’s washed” and as such tell the other parent so they know what you have noticed?

I don’t get how such a normal comment led to problems!

So much projection on this thread based on one innocuous, normal comment made by a man OP has admitted is a good husband who pulls his weight.

Some of you must be in really unhappy marriages to be this desperate to try and convince the OP she is too.

OP this is just babies. They test even the most solid of marriages. You're both tired, molehills become mountains, squabbling over stupid shit can happen, small cracks that you couldn't see before start to show. Just talk to him, stop sulking. If you want him to open up about his emotions you need to do the same, you can't just both avoid each other and sulk every time an argument happens. You're a team. You don't want resentment to set into the cracks now.

@dreambream initiative is king!! I was on night shift and my hubby couldnt find another babygrow to put on baby so he just cut the feet off! voila! it was fine with a pair of socks

Decommission made me laugh.

My response to the first message would just have been "Ok". It was information. Didn't need anything else. Wouldn’t have got my back up at all.

Laugh this one off.
I think "decommission" should become your family word for anything that's worn out, broken or needs replacing.

I don’t understand how it escalated like that. This exact situation has happened to us many times with our second baby growing so fast.

My answer to his comment would not have been a dig at him as yours was but a standard “is it? Thanks for noticing, I’ll put it away”. I don’t often notice, he does.

Regarding the anger - I found the book “Self-compassion for parents” by Susan Pollak extremely useful.

This. “We need to take some stuff to the charity shop/tip”, “We need to change the cat litter/mow the lawn/wash the windows”

My response is “cool, feel free to plan it into your day.”

Is there something wrong with him? Why did he think him putting a too-small babygro on your kid was somehow your problem to fix?