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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this unethical re discount?

101 replies

ugal · 07/11/2023 18:46

My two siblings and I do joint presents for my parents. Our budget is £50 and we stick within a little way of this either side depending on the exact item chosen. This is the way we've always done things. The reality of this is that the load of choosing, shopping, wrapping falls on me and they just reimburse me the money afterwards - it's just the dynamic. A small part of me resents that this allows them to get away with being useless and getting the credit while I put in all the effort. But in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and I can't be bothered to change it. It's worth it to me to ensure that my parents get a thoughtful item they will enjoy (which I think is unlikely if siblings left to own devices). This is perhaps irrelevant backstory!

Anyway, currently looking at mum's bday present. I've left it a little late and we need to order over next couple of days. The item I know she wants (because she remarked on it when we were shopping earlier this year) is £149, so exactly at budget. I always look for a discount obviously but have not been able to find somewhere, despite my efforts. The one place I have found which does do a 20% discount requires a minimum spend, which we would not meet.

I have separately been considering another item for myself which is £130. I've been dithering for a couple of months because it is a pricey item. If I bought this item at the same time, a 20% discount would apply to the entire basket (£55 discount, only £26 of which is attributable to my item). We'd also get free shipping. A £26 discount still makes the item borderline for me. A £55 discount makes it a definite yes.

Would AIBU to use the entire discount for my item and ask my siblings to transfer £49.66 for the present? Or is that a form of theft?

OP posts:
Thehop · 07/11/2023 18:48

Oh do it!

terriblyangryattimes · 07/11/2023 18:48

Do it. I would in your position.

OwlBasket · 07/11/2023 18:49

Yes, you really, really should

NoNameNoOne · 07/11/2023 18:49

Yes

NameNew · 07/11/2023 18:50

No, that's not fair to your siblings. You're not contributing to your mother's present - you're making a profit off it in fact.

Justlovedogs · 07/11/2023 18:51

I'd ask siblings for £49 each. I'm sure you can cover the £1.32...

ugal · 07/11/2023 18:53

NameNew · 07/11/2023 18:50

No, that's not fair to your siblings. You're not contributing to your mother's present - you're making a profit off it in fact.

Golly I hadn't actually thought about it that way - you're right. Maybe that does change how I think about it! (Although part of me thinks it's still a low hourly rate for 18 years of sorting 4 presents per year).

OP posts:
ugal · 07/11/2023 18:54

But maybe this is how corruption happens...! "Oh well I'm actually owed it"

OP posts:
ugal · 07/11/2023 18:55

The flip side is that if I don't do it and decide not to buy the item then no one gets the discount...

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 07/11/2023 18:57

I'm interested that out of all the replies to your post, that are mostly encouraging you, you only replied to the sanctimonious one that accused you of profiting off your sisters. I bet you do most of the running around for your mum as well...

Buy her the nice present, and buy the nice thing for yourself as well. Get your sisters to pay their fair share. Life is short, enjoy it.

IAmMeThisIsI · 07/11/2023 18:58

Take it as payment for years and years of wrapping paper and time spent faffing about with gifts etc.

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/11/2023 18:59

No, you're being unfair. Fine to benefit from the discount on your own item but not fair to use the entire discount to cover your item. You're basically stealing from your siblings.

If you're not happy always taking responsibility for presents, then say so. But don't take their money and use some of it to buy yourself a gift without telling them.

Thingsthatgo · 07/11/2023 18:59

Why not share the discount on your mums gift and buy the thing for you too. £36 discount for you, £10 each for your siblings.

CatamaranViper · 07/11/2023 19:01

In your mind, take all the discount off your item. Your siblings still send the money, you still contribute the same amount, but the other item gets the full 20% off

charlotte361 · 07/11/2023 19:02

You need to pro rata the discount.Maybe also get one of your siblings to sort they might actually want to

Okwotnext · 07/11/2023 19:02

Definitely buy both items and use full discount on yours. You deserve it

divinededacende · 07/11/2023 19:03

The discount wouldn't have applied without you buying your item so you could easily justify taking the discount for yourself. Your parents are still receiving (and your siblings are still contributing to) a gift at the value of £149. If the item was on sale and you still charged them £149, it would be a bit shady.

You do all the work, maybe one time you get to take advantage of the situation? You seem like a good person and this won't change that. I highly doubt this is gonna be a slippery slope towards bank robberies and insurance fraud.

Yes you could do the absolute gold standard, decent thing and slit the discount but for god sake treat yourself.

justwantobeamum · 07/11/2023 19:03

Your siblings are no worse off. If you don’t buy the item they still pay £49.66. Why should you spend £130 to save them £10 each. Just buy your item and take all the discount off your item.

cava14una · 07/11/2023 19:03

IAmMeThisIsI · 07/11/2023 18:58

Take it as payment for years and years of wrapping paper and time spent faffing about with gifts etc.

This!😺

GreyTS · 07/11/2023 19:07

Honestly just do it, there would be no discount without you purchasing the other item so no one is losing out. My sister does most of the mental/emotional work with our parents, if she told me this story I'd encourage her to use the discount. You're still saving them the hassle and for me that's priceless

vernatheraven · 07/11/2023 19:08

I am you and you are my sibling lol.

I'd share the discount and she wouldn't think twice about not sharing it.

Take your discount.

vernatheraven · 07/11/2023 19:08

Sorry I am saying take the discount when I am you and would probably not lol

HoHoHoliday · 07/11/2023 19:12

I think you should go ahead. Look at it this way:

You are putting two items in your basket.
One is £149 and the other £130.
The total amount gets you a 20% discount, which is £55 (rounded).
You and both of your siblings each pay £50 for your mum's present. Then you should be the one to benefit from discount as it is generated by the higher total from your second item.

NalafromtheLionKing · 07/11/2023 19:13

I would just do it and wouldn’t even have given it this much head space. No discount without you and you have to do all the work (again) so just enjoy.

potatoheads · 07/11/2023 19:14

NameNew · 07/11/2023 18:50

No, that's not fair to your siblings. You're not contributing to your mother's present - you're making a profit off it in fact.

Ok so they can go find it wise where and pay full price. You'd rather no one benefits rather than op who has done all the work and is buying something herself to get the discount. Stupid

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