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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unethical re discount?

101 replies

ugal · 07/11/2023 18:46

My two siblings and I do joint presents for my parents. Our budget is £50 and we stick within a little way of this either side depending on the exact item chosen. This is the way we've always done things. The reality of this is that the load of choosing, shopping, wrapping falls on me and they just reimburse me the money afterwards - it's just the dynamic. A small part of me resents that this allows them to get away with being useless and getting the credit while I put in all the effort. But in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and I can't be bothered to change it. It's worth it to me to ensure that my parents get a thoughtful item they will enjoy (which I think is unlikely if siblings left to own devices). This is perhaps irrelevant backstory!

Anyway, currently looking at mum's bday present. I've left it a little late and we need to order over next couple of days. The item I know she wants (because she remarked on it when we were shopping earlier this year) is £149, so exactly at budget. I always look for a discount obviously but have not been able to find somewhere, despite my efforts. The one place I have found which does do a 20% discount requires a minimum spend, which we would not meet.

I have separately been considering another item for myself which is £130. I've been dithering for a couple of months because it is a pricey item. If I bought this item at the same time, a 20% discount would apply to the entire basket (£55 discount, only £26 of which is attributable to my item). We'd also get free shipping. A £26 discount still makes the item borderline for me. A £55 discount makes it a definite yes.

Would AIBU to use the entire discount for my item and ask my siblings to transfer £49.66 for the present? Or is that a form of theft?

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 07/11/2023 19:15

I'd just do it. How will they ever know....

LakeTiticaca · 07/11/2023 19:15

Do it. You are the one that has been doing the donkey work for years so you deserve a little bonus 😉

potatoheads · 07/11/2023 19:16

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/11/2023 18:59

No, you're being unfair. Fine to benefit from the discount on your own item but not fair to use the entire discount to cover your item. You're basically stealing from your siblings.

If you're not happy always taking responsibility for presents, then say so. But don't take their money and use some of it to buy yourself a gift without telling them.

Ok so she doesn't do this. She doesn't get her item so she doesn't get the discount at all so everyone pays £50 and no one benefits. Stupid cutting off nose to spite face behaviour. What a ridiculous stance

littlefireseverywhere · 07/11/2023 19:16

Of course, go ahead and do it. They’re happy you’re happy!

FreebieWallopFridge · 07/11/2023 19:17

Stop overthinking and just buy them both.

BarelyCoping123 · 07/11/2023 19:17

Of course take the discount OP. You have sourced a nice gift to give from all of you, for the agreed price. Anything beyond that has nothing to do with the gift itself.

potatoheads · 07/11/2023 19:18

Thingsthatgo · 07/11/2023 18:59

Why not share the discount on your mums gift and buy the thing for you too. £36 discount for you, £10 each for your siblings.

Because without the full discount the OP can't really justify buying her item. So it will end up that they will have to pay full price anyway so no one is better off.
Option a) no one gets a discount
Option b) the person doing all the running around gets the discount by upping the total spend herself.
Which one makes sense.

ButtonsForEyes · 07/11/2023 19:18

Please, please just do it. Your siblings deserve to be taxed a bit for all the extra work and effort you have put in over the years. It’s a thankless task!

Ilovecashews · 07/11/2023 19:19

Get the discount, life is hard enough without you having to do everything by yourself!

Suckingalemon · 07/11/2023 19:20

It's likely a one off situation and consider it payment for years of your effort and possibly more years to come.

BooBooBaloo · 07/11/2023 19:20

I'd definitely do it and not feel guilty. Consider it your fee for years of putting in all the work

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 07/11/2023 19:22

I agree, take the discount. There would be no discount if you weren't buying the item, and you are doing all the work.

Ignore the sanctimonious posters 🙄

RunningFromInsanity · 07/11/2023 19:22

Just do it. But I wouldn’t ever tell them.

IcanandIwill · 07/11/2023 19:23

Just do it.

Honestly. Do.

FiveShelties · 07/11/2023 19:24

Yep another vote for do it.

coldcallerbaiter · 07/11/2023 19:25

Take the benefit of the discount for yourself, it’s your time and time is money. If they find out, tell them your time and minimum purchase so your it’s your discount. If they don’t like it, stick 2 fingers up and blow a raspberry

Shortpoet · 07/11/2023 19:25

Do they ever give you money for cards and wrapping paper?

18 cards and 18 gift bags at £1.50 each comes to £54.

Double that for Christmas and Birthday and your looking at £108 over the years.

Take the discount. It’s a one off, and if they were bothered about it, the could have once over the years offered to do the running.

Whataretheodds · 07/11/2023 19:25

Just do it. Given the circumstances you don't need to pass on the discount

PenguinLove1 · 07/11/2023 19:26

I am you with my siblings and gift buying, and wouldnt give this a second thought - in fact my siblings would tell me to do it because i save them the hassle of shopping every year!

To the poster that said she isn't contributing to her mums gift, thats not correct( and even if the discount was split she would still be contributing so dont worry about that OP)

Think of it like this -
Mum gift costs £150 total = £50 each if you dont buy yourself the second item

If when buying her item you decided to buy additional items that then get you the 20% off,
Your mums gift is still worth £150, you still contribute £50 to it, and then your extra item only costs the extra £75 to you

Yes i know the discount could be split etc, but if you weren't buying the other item the gift wouldn't be any cheaper, so why should your siblings save money because you are buying yourself something?

I see this as the added bonus of being the one that does all the leg work - if they were giving out a free bottle of wine, or bath set with a purchase surely you would keep that and not split it, so I would see this discount the same way and enjoy it - they have no need to know.

Haydenn · 07/11/2023 19:29

Pass the free shipping onto your siblings. Take the full money saving for yourself. The money saving is only there because of your item

ChimChimeny · 07/11/2023 19:30

Think.of it as commission for all the planning & organising three times a year for years

Ponderingwindow · 07/11/2023 19:32

Are they going to help pay for shipping wherever it is purchased or would you have to cover that extra?

WimpoleHat · 07/11/2023 19:34

You’re doing the purchasing and it’s the second item that generates the discount - so it’s “your” discount, if you see what I mean? Do it.

LizzBurg · 07/11/2023 19:35

How would you feel if your sibling did this and then you found out? If you would be annoyed with them and would think that they were out of order to pay nothing whilst two of you paid £50 then that’s your answer.
Personally I would split the discount with my siblings so we all benefit from the discount.

diddl · 07/11/2023 19:35

£49.66?

I'd be asking for £50 from each of them & think nothing of it!