Work drinks after work

[SloopyDoodle]

A colleague of mine organises work socials going out drinking normally once a month. It is usually something like 5:30pm on a weekday. I can never attend these as I do the nursery pick ups (husband does drop offs) I could always attend a lot later (e.g. turn up at 7pm) but I don't really want to as I'm knackered from working all day and then parenting, cooking, cleaning! AIBU? I'm the only one in our team who is a parent and most people go. I feel guilty I can never go but I'm knackered all the time, I also don't drive so it means waiting around for buses and getting back really late and then I have to be up again at 5:30 am - 6am to do it all again. When I say I can't my colleague says "next time we'll try a time that's convenient for you!" And I feel awkward as in this stage of life I'm not sure when that would even be (no family or friend help close to us for childcare, my husband and I have a date night about once a year).

This has mainly become a thing post pandemic because we work hybridly now, I like my colleagues but feel like I see them enough really and want to see my own family. What are peoples thoughts?

You are not unreasonable. I don’t understand why people don’t want to go back to their partners or families.

Is your husband not able to collect from nursery as a one off?

You’re not unreasonable not to do something you can’t do or don’t want to do.

You can't make it so you don't go. People who want to go and can make it, go. What's the issue here? If you want to go one time, why can't your husband help with pick-ups that time?

If it's once a month then I would ask my husband to pick up that day so I could go along for a drink or two.
No one has to do anything outside work hours they don't want to but sometimes socialising with your colleagues is a nice thing to do.

If you don't want to go, don't go. But if you do want to go, just arrange the odd swap with dh every now and again so you can.

How often does your dh go do something for himself after work?

It's once a month. God forbid people socialise with someone outside their immediate household. It's also not mandatory

YANBU.

It's an EDI issue on all kinds of levels and not something that'd be tolerated where I work.

Like PP, I don't understand why people want to spend evenings with their work colleagues rather than their family and friends. I never socialise outside of work hours with work people. Ugh, no.

If you actually want to go and would enjoy it then YABU. I dont see any reasons in there why you couldn't go, your DH could do a pick up once in a while surely? If you don't want to go then YANBU.

Once a month??!

Its perfectly normal and healthy to socialise with people outside of your family.

My husband does drop offs so I start work early, and then he is back later and has a long commute so I do the pick ups as I finish earlier. Thanks for the replies, I am a people pleaser sadly so I just feel bad saying no all the time.

Because you are allowed to have a social life and enjoy it as well as enjoying time with your family?
@SloopyDoodle get DH to do the pick up once and go. You might enjoy it. If you don’t, problem solved, you never need try again or feel guilty about it. If you do enjoy, either ask DH if he can do a regular (but infrequent) pick up so you can go again, or put some child care in place if he genuinely can’t.

Is this on a work night?
I'm child free but wouldn't do a work night

You shouldn't feel bad, OP. Your colleagues should feel bad for organising something with excludes people who would like to, but can't, attend. As I said, it's an EDI issue

I agree with possimble. It's really not an issue.

It's an EDI issue on all kinds of levels and not something that'd be tolerated where I work

sounds joyous

If you don't actually want to go... don't go. It's not mandatory. If you do actually want to go, surely your DH can manage pickup once a month. I manage occasional work drinks fine despite being the one who generally does pickup, because DH does it if I have a social engagement.

Yes but you could both do a swap once in a while so you can attend.

I am the last person to confuse work colleagues and friends, but a few drinks with colleagues after work once in a while and a bit of banter is a normal thing to organise and makes the whole office a bit more pleasant.

What's an edi issue? The op says they've offered to do it at a time that's convenient to her but admits there isn't really a time that she would want to do. So does that mean her colleagues should never socialise?!

Early evening optional drinks are not an EDI issue on any level.
Have you never had a friend at work? How sad. Some of my best friends are ex work colleagues.

Like PP, I don't understand why people want to spend evenings with their work colleagues rather than their family and friends

Some people are friends with their work colleagues.

You never have to, but surely it makes more sense on a work night, straight out of the office than having to slot it in the middle of a weekend, then no one wants to go!

You wouldn’t go out for early drinks on a work night.? Not ever?

Surely the answer if you want to go is swap drop off/ pick up with your husband?
It makes sense that they plan the drinks immediately after work. If you don’t want to go then that’s fine.