to be furious at this awful teacher?

[MySweetBubba]

First parents evening for DS, aged 4.5. Teacher gave a long list of things he is not doing well enough at. There were a few positives, but overall she had very little good to say about him. I was fuming!

DD's first teacher never said a single nice thing about her for a year. She's a tween now and every other teacher has been wonderful. And lovely to her.

Listen to them, do an honest evaluation, ignore the rest.

Much better to hear the truth than the general your child is amazing nonsense. No one grows from generic comments.

If you disagree with the comments, thats a different matter. But if you think there might be some truth then use the comments to grow your child.

You say she had very little good to say. What were the good things?

A parents' evening should never be a surprise. What feedback has been given between September and now?

I can't answer your question because you provided absolutely no info on what she was telling you.

It makes a huge difference if he can't look after his own things, he's hitting other kids, he throws items on the floor, or he refuses to follow simple directions... compared with... he can't spell "hippopotamus", he can't remember all the months of the year, he doesn't know his times tables and he hasn't grasped calculus yet.

One lot is cause for concern (so wind your head in and focus on helping your child because this teacher is a good one) and one lot is unfair and she is being mean.

Did you expect her to lie and blow sunshine up your ass?

First, consider that maybe there is a long list of things your child at which your is not doing well enough.

Don’t you think you should be told if that is the case?

🙄

DD too. Came home saying she was 'stupid' a word she has never heard in my house.

And yes, PP, a 4.5 yo deserves a positive story, because at that age you're all new and fresh and need love and encouragement. That's a small child and small children need people around them with positive things to say.

By all means look at helping the child achieve things if he's struggling. But there are teachers out there who shouldn't be.

We had a teacher like this. Parents shared horror stories in the playground the next day. A few had gone in without their partners and felt totally ambushed. It was really quite horrible. The things she said - almost 16 years later still gets brought up - every parent who had a child at that school could tell a story about how horrible that teacher was - sometimes it’s the teacher and not your child. It’s still upsetting though and it’s hard to have perspective when she’s the first teacher you encounter.

The point of the PE is to report to you hiw your child is doing, not to blow smoke up your arse!

I would have thought it is to form a good working relationship to support the child, work on common goals and not surprise the parent with mostly negative information about their child. As their first experience of school.

Most teachers manage to do this with the most challenging of children and parents. And some don't manage it with almost anyone.

As I said, I had the experience of a teacher who said NOT ONE good thing about my child for a year. Not one. It was a game for me by the end. I would chat to her and wait and see. Nope, got to the end of the year without saying one nice thing. I've worked with challenging, gang-involved, incarcerated young people and I manage to find good things to say about each and every one. Genuine things, that they value in themselves. And LO! They behave better.

There should never be surprises at parents evening. Issues should have been communicated before this.

That does sound hard OP, and it's never easy to hear. Do you agree with any of what she said?

I recently had PE for mine aged 11 and 7,and literally nothing was a surprise...Loads of lovely things to say for both but also comments about handwriting, attention span, social skills for my eldest...all of which I am well are of - as I see it in action every day. However, I have a very close relationship with the school because my kids do need an extra eye on them. So we're usually communicating a lot more frequently than one might expect.

Could you possibly ask to check in more with your child's teacher? You may well be asked to do more work at home but it's worth it.

Do agree though that it sounds like a very tough way to speak about such a young child.

Some teachers have a learning to do themselves.

*Alot"

Charming...hope you are not involved to much at school 🤣

Dad's first teacher actively disliked her. I witnessed it, as I volunteered in the school. At our first parents evening she made it sound as though DD was a really badly behaved child. I had seen the behaviour of other kids and so asked for specific examples of dd's poor behaviour which amounted to fidgeting during storytime and refusing to sit next to a little boy who whispered horrible things to her

The teacher wasn't nice.

It happens.

I’m a teacher.

I will ALWAYS find something good to say about my students to their parents. There are students for whom that is quite difficult. But I WILL manage to do it.

However, with some students, there will be more negatives than positives.m

I could lie. But that doesn’t help my students or their parents. So I tell the truth. Then, there is an opportunity for parental intervention or support before they fail/irreparably screw up/get expelled/arrested/insert consequence of your choice.

But the teacher did say good things, it's in the OP.

As a PP said, what were the things the teacher said could be improved?

I would email back, copying in the head, and ask what plan is in place to meet your child's targets and how can you support what she is doing at home.

Perhaps this was discussed at the meeting.

Are you sure that the teacher said 'bad things' OP or is this just how you've received 'needs to work on' type information? It's easy to hear things as criticisms, when in fact they are meant to be helpful...so that you know what targets are being set and you can support at home.

Perhaps, but it doesn't sound like it. Even if it was, I would still email to get it all in writing and clarify what school are doing and how I can support them.

Yeah you'd hope OP didn't just sit there passively.

Are the things the teacher said correct OP? It's hard to tell from a post on the Internet if the teacher was being overly negative or if they were all valid points.

That’s not a word.

Teacher gave a long list of things he is not doing well enough at…she had very little good to say about him
these are not the same thing. She gave a list of the things he should be able to do by reception but yet cant. That doesnt mean she said bad things about him.

where did he attend before school? And how frequently? Was he meeting all his targets there?