to be furious at this awful teacher?

[MySweetBubba]

First parents evening for DS, aged 4.5. Teacher gave a long list of things he is not doing well enough at. There were a few positives, but overall she had very little good to say about him. I was fuming!

It's because parents' evenings are a legal obligation, but are so short, they can never be a detailed examination of what the students has schemed/areas for further work.
No need to exaggerate with your "every five minutes", but regular updates should be part of the expectation of every parent.

You should be more concerned about your son. Getting cross with the teacher because he is s struggling is silly.

Sounds like teacher has shared with you the things your DS is needing support at home with? Teacher needs to let you know areas your dc is finding difficult. Parents night isnt really there as a time to list positive personality attributes. It's about how your child is managing at school. Take it on board and support your dc to develop skills at home. Parents night can be as little as 5 minutes so concerns need to be shared so you can help.

Absolute LOL at copying in the head in a formal email to the teacher about the targets set for a reception child in November.

All you will do is look like an epic pain in the arse to the headteacher. They have more important things to do.

if you really want to go down the ‘talk to the manager’ route, at least do it to the EYFS lead, and then you only risk showing yourself up to them

OP- you have given NO information. Absolutely none. No one can give you any valuable advice, because you haven’t said what the teacher has said. She might be an evil witch, she might be hugely reasonable. NO ONE KNOWS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T SAID.

Re: ‘parents evening shouldn’t be a surprise’ - that’s a strategy to deal with parents who kick off. But most issues at this time of year, for a reception child, would come to light at the first parent evening- because guess what, calling a meeting so early in the year would be perceived as negative and we like to give kids some time to settle if it’s low-level stuff.

This first parents' evening isn't a legal obligation. Schools must report on progress at one point in the year and must give parents the chance to discuss that progress at one point in the year. Having additional parents' evenings and/or reports is going above the legal obligation and is how schools do ensure parents are communicated with.

It is not reasonable to expect frequent, individual updates for each child in a class, particularly if there are no or only minor areas for concern or the parents don't actually do anything with the information anyway. It is, however, perfectly reasonable to expect significant or ongoing issues to be communicated about more regularly.

4.5!!! give the kiddie a chance. he is barely out of nappies. surely teacher does not expect 20 kids to all sit and be quiet while she yaks on?

Where have you got not sitting still from? OP hasn't said what the teacher said.

Are the negative things mentioned true though? Perhaps the teacher could have taken more of a shit sandwich approach and cushioned the negative comments, but I’d want to know about the negative things that were happening as soon as possible so I could begin to help addressing them.

No one can assess what is happening without you explaining what the teacher said - both positive and negative. Yes, some teachers are awful, but it’s at least as likely that your DS is behind and she’s setting that out so you can work on those aspects with him too.

I think some parents are overly precious about their children and think their child can do no wrong and anyone who thinks otherwise is a bad person. Providing constructive feedback is a really important part of teaching.

Without you providing any detail of what the teacher said, it’s impossible to know if she is genuinely at fault or your DS has some catching up to do (whether educationally or socially.)

“Yaks on”? I don’t imagine many Reception teachers are delivering hour long lectures.

I would expect my, and other people’s children, to listen to their teacher though.

"MySweetBubba" (🤢) is not a user name chosen by anyone who will tolerate any criticism - however constructive - of their offspring.

"yak on"? What do you think actually happens in reception?

4.5 is not a toddler, yes, I would expect kids to be able to sit still and be quiet for 5 minutes, all the kids I know manage.

They already manage from much younger when it's story time at preschool and baby groups.

They may not have lied but they can, and do, get things wrong and it can be very damaging.

This reminds me of when my 10 year old was told that it was a good job he was good at sport because he's 'not very clever'.

Turned out he had undiagnosed dyslexia and other SEN and he's now predicted 3 A*s in A Level and is applying to Oxford.

The damage that teacher did to my child's mental health and confidence at the time is untold

She may not have been lying, in the sense that he wasn't meeting targets, but she didn't have the imagination and the teaching skills to work out that this wasn't due to a lack of intelligence.

Teachers have a hard job but they are not saints and they don't always get things right.

It's far from a dick move. The school have a responsibility to the child and if they have concerns they need to be putting things in place. Are you in education? I'm a former reception teacher and now an advisory teacher and have a lot of experience in this area.

I very much doubt the teacher said he “wasn’t doing well enough” at things. They probably mentioned things that could be improved on and as the OP says there were positives mentioned. There’s absolutely no reason to be “fuming” for goodness sake. Just because the OP didn’t get a glowing report on her “bubba” she thinks the teacher is awful. The OPs username say is it all really.

This.
those first parents evenings can be brutal. Not all kids are the fluffy little sunbeams you think they are who adapt to school straightaway. School is a sharp learning curve for many both in terms of learning and behavior. But he is 4, he will get there. You will probably get better feedback when he is older and had more time to settle. Be open minder though OP.

Is she wrong or is it just hard hearing the truth?

Yes feedback should be constructive and respectful but being told oh he's amazing, brightest happiest funniest cutest more erudite child I've ever known isn't helpful if he's struggling to follow instructions and won't engage with learning

It's because parents' evenings are a legal obligation, but are so short, they can never be a detailed examination of what the students has schemed/areas for further work.
So where exactly would the teacher find the time for this comprehensively detailed feedback for each child on an ongoing basis?

Well @MySweetBubba you’ve made a judgement about your child’s teacher, based wholly on a brief meeting, the tone of which you didn’t like. You’ve described her as ‘awful’. Is she awful because she’s a poor teacher, or because she had negative things to say about your sweet bubba?

You haven’t described the positive things she said, you haven’t indicated how or if the negatives could be improved and I think you’re going to struggle for the remainder of the academic year.

She has only known him a month or so and only for a few hours a day. I don't know how teachers can give very detailed feedback on their character or abilities after such a short time. It should be mainly how they have settled in socially.

Unfortunately, some teachers don't have a very good 'bedside manner' and don't understand how hard their words hit.

My son is bright and never gets into trouble but his year 3 teacher wasn't interested in him academically at all - at parents evening she literally went 'yes, yes, his work is all fine but I have to remind him to put his pencil case away EVERY DAY!' and then she banged on about how annoying that was for her for 9 of our 10 allocated minutes!

Luckily for her poor blood pressure, she left the school soon after, because I'm afraid my son can't turn his autism off and become less scatty overnight!

My advice would be to try not to take it too seriously and to drop an email to the head re her delivery. PPs are right - if school communication is as it should be, parents evening should never come as a shock.

You don't sound very measured

Why do teachers even bother, eh? They know fuck all.

You do know they have criteria they HAVE to report about don't you?

As I've already said, the school absolutely will be taking steps to support all of their children.

However, pretending that you are going to support that development at home and then not bothering is absolutely a dick move and, to be honest, is neglecting the parental side of, and responsibility for, education.

I wish I shared your firm belief that the school will be doing something, @Iamnotthe1 - I've seen too many schools throw it all back on the parents and not put things in place.

And it's just you who is saying the parent isn't actually going to follow up on anything. You don't know that they won't, once they are given some ideas of what the school are doing.