to be furious at this awful teacher?

[MySweetBubba]

First parents evening for DS, aged 4.5. Teacher gave a long list of things he is not doing well enough at. There were a few positives, but overall she had very little good to say about him. I was fuming!

Completely agree with this

Is it that it they said loads of bad things and few good or is it just how you perceived it? I’m a Reception teacher and you have to be so careful about how you discuss any difficulties a child is having as parents are (understandably) particularly sensitive to anything that sounds like criticism to parents in their first year of school, where it could be the first time they’ve ever heard anything they perceive as negative about their child.

I know some teachers at my school and my children’s school are very keen to be liked and will talk about how wonderful they are and nothing negative and I find that frustrating!

I think it's very hard to hear feedback like that about your child. We had similar experiences with DS's reception teacher who said he wasn't meeting any targets and wouldn't be where he needed to be by the end of reception. We were very concerned. He's in Year 2 now and has had the same teacher for the past two years and he's in the top sets for everything and has even done work with the year above. I think in reception sometimes they can be so young and overwhelmed with everything. And possibly he and his teacher weren't a good fit because within a term in year one he had caught up and moved past most of his peers with his new teacher who he loves. Try not to worry, he's only at the very beginning of his journey

Only ask this if you are actually going to do the things at home that they recommend. If you're asking purely to try to backfoot the teacher or in a 'tit for tat' kind if way then don't bother.

I teach an exam year so often get parents asking what more they can do to help at home. I give clear and detailed explanations, ideas, resources, access to digital support etc. and, unfortunately, some of the parents do nothing beyond just asking the question.

I always used to be confused that every other parent would talk about how amazing the feedback from parents evening was, and you knew their kid really wasn't that amazing...or in some cases was a little PITA....and my kids only ever got average feedback, no real criticism but never the gushing praise others talked about.

Was it constructive? Anything you can work on?

That does sound odd. I've always taken our primary school parents evenings with a pinch of salt, because it was so obvious that they felt they had to say good things! And to be so critical of a 4.5 year olds abilities sounds highly non-productive. Is your son happy in the school? We have had a couple of "old-school" teachers in the past who were definitely more on the critical side, but in the main, contrary to what others are saying here, there definitely was a certain amount of smoke being blown up our rears.

If a school has concerns that your child is behind in certain areas, when is the time to raise that if not at parents' evening?

Teachers can't win. If she hadn't said anything and you found out months later your DS was behind in reading, phonics, etc, you'd be annoyed at not being told. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why is she awful?you haven't said. If they were valid points, I would say that's excellent teaching - indentify early what needs work. Far better than the pointless 'your child is excellent at everything' meetings.

I’m in two minds. My eldest didn’t have his first Parents Evening due to Covid, however within the first month his teacher started ‘moaning’ about things. It did come as a bit of shock, never had someone make negative comments about him before.

I had already suspected he had traits of ASD and yes, with what the teacher said it became very apparent it was the case. However, I also found they not only found his emerging traits a negative, they also found his positive traits ‘difficult to deal with’. Apparently having low social skills, yet already being able to read and do his times tables mean he was very difficult to teach in Reception. Was made to feel like he was some rude little know-it-all. He hyper processed information and had difficulties in waiting to answer (interruptions is absolutely something we had to work on!).

So honesty to a point can raise or confirm that there may be need for additional support, but there is no worse feeling than your child being ‘disliked’. We had a very difficult couple of years with my eldest, his confidence was knocked sideways and then some. But I’m now told he is ‘wonderful’ despite needing a lot of support emotionally and socially, we have been taking it all on board - positive and negative.

A parents' evening should never be a surprise

I do dislike this attitude. Surely the purpose of parent's evening is to inform the parent on progress, and discuss? If teachers are updating parents every 5 minutes anyway about progress, what is the point in parents' evening?

So many examples of why teachers leave in this thread.

Email the head; you should know before you go to a parent's evening (then why even have one...); have they made a plan; it should be mostly nice but also honest.

Absolutely agree. The "never be a surprise" message is more of a strategy for school management to avoid them having to deal with parents who are unhappy with what they've been told.

If there are significant issues (violence, bullying, etc.), of course these should have been brought up before the meeting. But if it's just minor things or simply a "He's slightly behind on his recall of times table facts," then that is the very purpose of parents' evening.

I'd also say that a parent's perception of their own child plays into this "surprise" idea too.

it really depends on the feedback offered and what strategies for support the teacher has put in place. If my child was struggling with maths, or reading or social skills I’d want to know, and equally I’d want to know what the plan was for supporting.

i agree,
this is perhaps the first chance to meet the parents, they are hardly going to be chatting at the school gate

If the school is any good they'll have done baseline assessments when the kids started and have reviewed these before parents evening. In eyfs (just as ks1 etc) there are a list of things that should be achieved.
If they're telling you your child can do some of these but not others then you have a great teacher on your hands. If they've told you what they'll be doing to help your child meet the standard ditto. If they've raised concerns with you that point to sen and want to investigate this for goodness sake listen and be proactive about working with them.
If you're sticking your fingers in your ears and reacting this much because you can't cope with your child not being perfect you are actively damaging their ability to help your child. Don't be that parent.

This
If there were issues ( academic and /or behavioural) they should have been communicated before the PE.
Then both the teacher and Op could have worked together to deal with any issues.
it is definitely poor form if Op only heard about said issues at Parents Evening

Ask it anyway. This child is in reception. The school have a responsibility to work on areas they feel the child isn't doing so well in and to discuss this with the parent.

And of course in reception there shouldn't be surprises. If there are issues they should have been mentioned at pick up time early on.

Are you one of those annoying parents who thinks their kids is utterly perfect and thinks everyone else in the world agrees??

because the teacher won’t have lied.

We had lots of everything is fine settling well doing great for much of reception and year 1and 2 both from meeting with teacher and end of year report. It was only when we got the KS1 results that we found out DC was struggling - I was fuming at the lies I had been told. Went to see headteacher - got told same pack of lies. I was annoyed that I hadn't got the full picture earlier and something done about it

I would email back, copying in the head, and ask what plan is in place to meet your child's targets and how can you support what she is doing at home

Agreed. At our school the head of infants is very hands on and visible. I'd collar her and say that I was very concerned by the feedback at the parents evening and I'm keen to help things improve. Can she schedule a meeting with me and teacher to discuss the concerns raised.

That's more so if it's behavioural issues or disruptive behaviour.

If it's just that they're not meeting educational targets I don't really understand that - they should be tailored to each child and at 4.5 years old they're only just beginning to asses them.

I would be very unhappy OP but I'd try to turn it into a positive place to begin the process of helping DC and school work together to achieve better outcomes.

We had a teachers meeting like this in Y1.

DD is a nice kid, well behaved (at school), friendly, works hard (at school), reasonably bright but not exceptionally so - her Reception teacher had always been glowing about her.

In Yr1 her teacher focused entirely on the things she was doing "wrong" (getting changed too slowly and being a telltale). Not even a mention (until asked) about her academic or social growth.

Now she's in Yr2, and and her teacher is glowing about her again, she tries hard, she listens, her reading, writing and maths are developing as they should, she friendly etc...

Some teachers either just don't like the kid, or are focusing on weird and (I belive quite trivial) things.

Aw op, that must have been hard to hear. I had a teacher who instantly decided she didn’t like me (I was shy and she seemed to take that personally?!) and it really affected my confidence. Having a supportive teacher the year after helped me a lot.

*believe (hate a typo)

The school will already be working on the areas for development for all of the children; that's base teaching. There will be numerous children who are ahead, working in line and working behind the expectations for their age and the school will be teaching all of them and creating progress from all starting points. It's literally what they are there for and why your kids are there.

Asking for what they plan to do and what you can do to help when you have no intention of actually doing the work to help your child is a massive dick move. It highlights that you are only interested in "getting one back" at the teacher and cultivating a combatitive relationship rather than actually helping your child learn and improve in the most effective way.