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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

FiL wants all our data

758 replies

HighlandCowSaysBooNotMoo · 06/11/2023 23:54

My father in law works in a government role.
Today he put a message in the family WhatsApp group asking if we could send him our addresses, d.o.bs, mothers maiden names, our place of birth, our address history, previous maiden names etc.
Apparently he needs this info from his 4 adult children, their spouses (me included) , his own siblings and his siblings spouses, grandchildren, his in laws etc. Basically he is covering every member of the family and spouses etc over the age of 18.
He has put something light hearted about it being needed for an enhanced security check that he's been told he needs for his job.
He is not changing jobs or position in the company. He has been in this job for since my husband was a wee kid!!
A couple of people have responded straight away with their data.
DH says IABU not to share mine with his dad
What do I do?

OP posts:
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GemGemGemGemGemGem · 11/11/2023 08:15

Ignore the silly responses saying it is sinister. It’s totally normal. And it can absolutely happen during a job role without any changes. They’re checking him out, not you. They just want details of anyone close to him who might blackmail him. depending on the level of security clearance (I suspect DV) they will interview some of you and ask, for example, if he’s gay. Obviously they’re not going to view someone negatively for being gay, but they will be checking your answers match up, to see how likely it is that he would be blackmailed. You are being very unreasonable if you don’t comply, because he could lose his job or be demoted at least.

sweatyhotlady · 11/11/2023 11:20

My family have to give me this info for my job. Vetting needs redoing every so often. No one has ever had an issue with it

sweatyhotlady · 11/11/2023 11:22

I’ve never had to do that! Maybe I’m not reading it correctly 😬

Crazycrazylady · 12/11/2023 09:55

Honestly really it's just your dob and place of birth which any one with a good snoop of face book and LinkedIn would be able to tell him.
I couldn't get worked up over this .

GoodnightGentlemen · 12/11/2023 10:10

Precipice · 07/11/2023 00:08

Not the point, but he's asking for addresses? He doesn't know where his own children/siblings/grandchildren live? Or when they were born?

My dad wouldn’t have a clue- he doesn’t even know details of his own flipping life. I needed to know his and my mums wedding date and neither of them had a clue. We had to search their house for a wedding certificate which we didn’t find. In the end I had to message all their siblings to see if any of them could remember when and where my parents got married!

lilkitten · 13/11/2023 10:14

From what I know of similar from family members, they already have your information. A previous partner had to also give details of our kink club exploits, but somehow they already knew it all. They wanted to check they are being honest. It's pretty normal procedure.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 13/11/2023 13:31

GoodnightGentlemen · 12/11/2023 10:10

My dad wouldn’t have a clue- he doesn’t even know details of his own flipping life. I needed to know his and my mums wedding date and neither of them had a clue. We had to search their house for a wedding certificate which we didn’t find. In the end I had to message all their siblings to see if any of them could remember when and where my parents got married!

I'm glad it's not just me.

I stuffed up a financial thing cos I couldn't remember my parents birthdays

GoodnightGentlemen · 13/11/2023 14:46

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 13/11/2023 13:31

I'm glad it's not just me.

I stuffed up a financial thing cos I couldn't remember my parents birthdays

Not just you- I never remember birthdays!

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