Birthday party ignorance

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Long story short -
I sent out birthday invites over a week ago to the children invited to my child's 5th birthday party. (Let's say around 15 children were invited)
The invites were a bit badly put together (printed them myself) but I included the information -
"(Insert name here)'s birthday party"
"Date and location"
"Time of party"
"Phone number - any questions please ask" (yes I definitely wrote the phone number down correctly)
"Please RSVP by (insert date) with name of child and whether you are able to attend, thank you."
It's been over a week now and I have not had a single reply.
There is only a few days left until the RSVP date.
I'm unable to chase the matter up with most of the parents, for a number of reasons. (Silly reasons, but I am unable to nonetheless)

Would it be unreasonable of me to cancel the party if I receive no replies by the RSVP date?
This seems like the most logical thing to do.

My worry with this is that people will still turn up, even having not bothered to respond. They will then be met with no party and I will be the bad guy at the school gates for letting their children down.

On the other hand, why would I go ahead with something that quite possibly nobody will turn up to. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them, and that I will go ahead with it even with no responses.

What would you do?
This is my first time planning something like this and I am really stuck for what to do.
Thanks.

My daughter started in reception in September too. I find it hard to believe you can’t quickly catch some of the Mums or Dads at pick-up and say ‘Oh hi, I’m Emily’s Mum, did you get our party invite? Can you make it?

If you don’t know who any of them are (find this bizarre, our school had a picnic in the summer, settling in sessions, for the whole month of September they finished at 11.30 and 1.30 so it’s the same group of parents every single day in the playground whilst their settling in) can you just say to your DD, which one is Ruby? Let’s go and chat to her Mummy for 2 mins. Which one is Olivia? Let’s go and see if they got the invite. Which one is Jess? And so on. That’s what I’d do. Then ask them all to rsvp on WhatsApp.

I think you’re really going to struggle without a class WhatsApp group.

It must be very stressful for you OP in the run up to the party not to know how many are coming. How can you plan for party food, bags, venue, setting up party table etc etc??

Agree with pps that it is so rude and inconsiderate for parents not to reply. I never understand in this day and age where people are glued to their phones that they don't have time to send a quick text.

Generally I find with large events to work on the rule of thirds ie that usually 1/3 will end up dropping out for various reasons. I find this rule tends to work even with adult social gatherings.

We had this when holding my sons party. Some parents just never got back to us atall. We ended up having to ask nursery to send follow up message to the parents in order to get some responses. I think it is really rude not to respond.

Ah op same thing happened to Dd reception year.

Unfortunately when they’re little you have to make friends with the parents to give your Dd a social life. I really resisted because I’m anxious and awkward af! But once I made the leap it was fine and Dd has a fab group of friends, she has play dates 2/3 times a week and invited to all the parties. Plus I have actually made some really lovely friends as well.

Speak to them about the party and then when they hopefully come you can get numbers, and get to know them. It’s honestly not as painful as it seems in the beginning. I am testament to that!

I think it is a good idea to hand out more invites yourself even if it is to the boys and say as you hand them out can you let me know so I can confirm numbers the number is on the invite. I do think people will turn up maybe not all 15 but so people are so laid back and stick it on the fridge and forget about it . Do you have any friends with kids who you could invite ?

This happened to my SIL with oldest - with her younger who was also a 1st term birthday she found the best thing to do was an at-home party for reception when none of the parents knew each other, that way it was low stress if people didn’t turn up or arrived without RSVP-ing. Then by Y1 she knew enough mums / dads and had enough numbers to back up party invites with a WhatsApp group and she found a much better response rate that way (when we’re busy, firing off a quick text reply is so much easier than rummaging through school bags looking for mangled invites).

Have you checked that you put the correct phone number on the invitations?

Completely baffles me as to the self importance and total lack of organisation of some parents.

How difficult is it to check what is in your child's school bag each evening/next morning and respond as soon as you see an invite.

Honestly they act like they are a heart surgeon with 10 kids and zero time!

My DC is in reception and I check their school bag everyday, we have books we do daily and I put in and remove snacks and water daily too so no excuse at all.

I agree totally rude and why should you have to cater for such selfish behaviour.

My experience is that people will either just turn up, or RSVP at the last minute.

Made the mistake last year of sending the invites out quite early. Hardly any rsvps until the week before.

This year I sent the invitation out a week in advance. Got a few rsvps immediately, then they came in throughout the week leading up to the party. The night before and morning of I got a few too. There were definitely a lot that just showed up though and never replied to me. Think I invited 30 kids, had 20 rsvps and there were 28 kids at the party as some random siblings show up too!

Also yes I agree so annoying! I always RSVP right away if I can. Otherwise I’ll forget. Not knowing is so annoying

This is what I mean. Most of the parents are glued to their phones whilst dropping off and picking up kids, so surely it's not hard to send a quick text !

I think you gave them out too late. But I wouldn't do anything harsh. You're at the start of your school journey and if you cancel and people turn up you'll always be remembered for it. I woukd 100% have to catch some parents at the school gate, or ask your DD to hand out a little note in the next few days that just says "you are sending a little note as you know invites can go amiss, if you wouldn't mind sending me a little reply with yes or no so I know numbers for food please 💕". Like keep it nice, and then you'll know if you don't get any replies to just cancel it.

Totally agree with other posters, ask around when you’re doing drop off/pick up to see. Even when we got married we handed out 100 invites and literally got less than half of them back, but sure enough on the day we had 100 guests turn up😂 it is so irritating but it happens, people forget to RSVP and still just turn up.

It’s also worth you trying to view interactions with the other parents differently, you may like your own company and not want to make friends, but it isn’t just about you it’s more so about your child. For example, if you were more friendly with the parents/had swapped numbers etc, this would be a non issue as a quick text would resolve it. And as your child goes through school there will be many more times when it benefits you and them if you have some form of friendship with other parents for example when they want to go over to each others houses for dinner, to play, or when something comes up and you unexpectedly need a hand at pick up etc.

My daughter recently had a pre school party, it was the first one of the year. She invited 10 girls and 8 came but I also had to really push myself out of my comfort zone to make it happen as I’m incredibly shy which usually comes off as standoffish! I listened at drop off and pick up for the names of the children and introduced myself to their parents. In the end only one didn’t RSVP but my daughter has been invited to lots of play dates since.

You'd think but it wouldn't be my responsibility if it is (was) my ex's weekend. And I would ask him to tell me so I could let the parents' know and he wouldn't.

I was in temporary accommodation for 6 months. Trying to juggle finishing a degree, kids, the split and supporting them emotionally. As well as a mother who was dying of cancer.

I dropped the ball sometimes. I'm sure I did. Sometimes a kids party wasn't top of my list of priorities and I'm human and I forgot.

And I know my ex never replied and he never took them. But somehow it's always the mum's fault.

And I didn't always get to check my kid's bag every night. If it was a Wednesday they were at their dad's and he took them to school the next morning (so he didn't have a chance to abuse me) so the invite could disappear at his house.

If it was his weekend he picked up from school on a Friday and dropped off to school on a Monday (so he didn't have the chance to abuse me) so I didn't see any invites they were given on a Friday either.

So yes, sometimes it can be hard for the sensible parent to check their bag every night.

Well now you have a reason to talk to them once its a couple of days before the rsvp date.

I’ve read all your posts and you sound very scornful of the other parents, which is unfair. Maybe they’re picking up on your vibes. Anyway a few thoughts:

1. You handed them out too late.
2. It’s weird that you didn’t write names on the invites. Surely just ask your child for the children’s names and write them out. Spelling doesn’t matter. This is what we’ve always done, with invites, Christmas cards etc.
3. This is the consequence of not making an effort and talking to the other parents. Getting a few WhatsApp numbers in the first few weeks. Yes it’s excruciating, but everyone has to do it - to avoid situations like you’re in now. I’m awkward, I hate small talk, I’m not looking for new friends, I always have to rush straight off to work, etc etc, but I still made a bit of effort with the other school parents, and my little one has been to lots of parties and had good attendance at her party. It’s just what you have to do.

Not scornful, just in disbelief that out of 15 sent out, nobody has been polite enough to respond. That gives me a bad opinion of them, as I certainly would not ignore a birthday invite.
It's not hard to check your child's bag, if that is the case. I don't mean every day, but surely once within nearly 2 weeks..?
My daughter is 4, and only started in September. She doesn't know everyone's names sadly

Can you enlist the help of the one mum that you know OP. Ask her if she knows any of the phone numbers of any of the other girls' mums. Then you can maybe text a handful of people and get a reply and gauge some of the numbers. You can also ask via text if they have contact numbers for other parents and spread it that way.

I had a similar problem, so contacted the teacher with a list of names of people who didn't respond and she reminded them- obviously didn't pass their contact info to me, but it helped me massively.

Still thought- few parents didn't bother to contact me and just turn up.

1. People only rsvp when they will come. It’s right to assume that 0 rsvps mean nobody will come.
2. Are you sure there isn’t a whatsapp group? It won’t be organised by the school - most of the time parents run it and if you don’t talk to them you might not have sight of any comms.
3. I agree that following up with parents in person is the best thing to do. Get your daughter to approach 1-2 friends before / after school and you can talk to parents.

You need to make an effort to get to know some parents for the sake of DD. She's going to be in the school a long time and form some lasting friendships there. A lot of playdates will involve the mums having a cup of tea and chatting.
As you are the first party of the term its a bit tough but have a breezy smile ...are you parent of a girl... having a party week Saturday. Here's an invite in case you didn't receive it. Do hope you can come. Please let me know one way or other.

People being a bit shy and all in same boat. Hope party goes well.

From my experience, some parents just turn up with their kids without a peep, others will reply the day before said party. It's really frustrating as I always ensure that I reply as soon as they bring them home.

It does seem unusual though that not 1 single person has replied. If you don't have a WhatsApp group, has anyone set up a school Facebook page for parents, if so you could post on there chasing invites up.

Not everyone only has one child and a calm after school routine. Stuff gets left/unchecked in my kid's bag because he's utterly shattered and on the verge of a meltdown at the end of the day, I also have a younger child and have to get them both sorted and wrangle the younger one into a buggy when he wants to walk (but will walk in random directions or very slowly so not an option) and persuade the 5yo to walk even though he claims he is very tired and his legs are broken, get them onto a tram, onto another tram and then a bus and then get home without anyone screaming (happens maybe 1/10) and without getting murdered by the glares of other passengers, all the stuff gets dumped in a pile, any notes long forgotten in the relief of actually having made it home, I peel everyone's coats/shoes off and then immediately start making them something to eat.

The bag might get looked at later or it might not. Just an example of what someone's after school might look like! (Mind you he's only been invited to one party, so maybe the parents with this experience aren't the ones you've invited!)

Don't cancel the party. Do keep trying to get hold of any parent and ask them verbally for a confirmation. Defo keep looking for a whatsapp group. If there isn't one, it might be worth setting one up? Usually all you need to do is check with the teacher if it's OK and if so stick an A4 sheet up in the classroom with a 3x30 chart, saying "Add name, child's name and phone number here to be added to class RG Whatsapp group"

I'm sure they know what RSVP means.

I do try to reply to party invites ASAP because I know I'll forget, but often there is a delay, because you have to take it home, remember that it exists when you get home, check the calendar, check with spouse play rock paper scissors and only then respond, this gap is lethal because people have other tasks which feel more important so it gets crowded out. Unless the DC is absolute best friends with the party giver and won't stop going on about it, it can easily fall off a parent's radar. And 4/5 year olds also don't have the greatest memory or sense of time, so even if they seem excited about the party they can also totally forget by the time they get home, and the parent might have no idea.