Sending 'sexy' meme to a group chat - AIBU?

[JustAChangeNow]

This is not a big issue, I'm just wondering if I'm wrong. There is a planning group for a friend's 40th birthday present. Someone (male) suggested we buy her a night with Tom Hardy. I responded with a Gif thingy of him (topless) saying she might well like that!
My husband said that made him feel uncomfortable and disrespected. I apologised, I didn't mean to. He's accepted that.
BUT - was I out of line? Would you think that is offensive, or total non event? I was suprised, it never even occured to me that it could be offensive. WIBU?

I wouldn't have apologised in this context.

Well, I apologised for making him feel uncomfortable. I am sorry he felt that way and I can hear that and apologise for it. It was more my suprise at how a silly meme made him feel, and wondering if other people on the group would also feel that way!

Does your husband fancy your friend? Maybe that's why he didn't like it.

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you did’

Your DH needs to get a grip.

I don't think I'd like it if the genders were reversed.

I'm not keen on women objectifying men the same way men objectify women though.

I don’t consider a topless pic of Tom Hardy warrants an offensive ‘ oh- my- word- that’s outrageous’ reaction.

No, I rather like it actually . I don’t understand what the issue is.

Now a dick pic on the other hand- well that’s a whole different story!

Total non-issue and your husband is being really weird about this. In what way were you 'disrespecting him' by sending a meme of an actor that you didn't even mention in the first place?! Someone else brought up 'a night with Tom Hardy' for your friend, as a joke, and you, also as a joke, responded with a gif of him. It's not like you even said you fancied him yourself.

Has this reaction just come from nowhere? Because I'd expect this kind of thing to be part of a pattern. Is your husband like this in other ways?

He doesn't fancy my friend! Or Tom Hardy, as far as I know 😏
He does need to get a grip, but that's okay, we're all allowed to lose our grips now and again with the people we love. I guess @BishyBarnyBee has summed up what I'm thinking about

Not enough context OP. If you're apologising for making someone feel uncomfortable, it's perfectly fine to ask what it was about the situation that made them feel that way. On the surface, I see nothing wrong with it.

As a guy, I can't instantly guess what his problem is. Is it objectification of a man? Is it the fact he's topless? Does he perceive the comment as you being inappropriately sexual in a group setting? Context matters and you need to know that first.

So, you did something that you felt harmless, had no intention of upsetting dh, he pointed it out, said it made him feel uncomfortable, you apologised, he was ok with that. Perfect. Sounds like a healthy relationship to me! I really don’t get why people think he’s ridiculous ot needs to get a grip. He’s allowed to have feelings ffs and op dealt with it in a way that shows she cares about his feelings. What’s the world coming to.

I think your husband needs to get a grip

I think we need to see the gif.....

......misses point of thread....

He feels that it is inappropriate to share sexy topless man pics, and that I wouldn't like it if he was sharing pics of a sexy woman. I truly wouldn;t care, but that's me. Further context is that he has always felt threatened by another man in the group chat, who is very flirtatious and 'alpha' and was very suggestive with me in the past, again in a way that I found harmless. But my husband finds him threatning, which is probably the crux of it.

yes @Tomatoketchupred that's it. Of course I apologised for a silly thing that hurt his feelings, of course he instantly responded with 'it's fine I just felt uncomfortable'

I'm more just wondering if sending those sorts of memes is offensive to other people. It didn't get many laughs 😂

I mean, he kinda has a point on the basis that a lot of women would judge if the shoe was on the other foot but you're not like that and every relationship has it's own dynamic.

It sounds like the biggest issue is that there's a bit of insecurity here. That's his issue, not yours. I think you can be sympathetic to that and supportive but it doesn't mean you need to 100% pander to it. Definitely needs some conversation.

Your husband felt personally disrespected? That’s ridiculous.

Post the gif here so we can judge

I wouldn't worry. I don't think most people would be offended by it outside your husband for his own specific reasons. They might have not have found it particularly funny or worth engaging with but that's a different thing. We've all had a message land on deaf ears here and there.

If you ended up with a group full of people inclined to find that offensive, it would be an anomaly.

If a man had sent a picture of a half naked woman in the same context, many posters would say he was disrespectful and misogynistic and his wife should probably LTB.

Personally, neither me or my husband would give a shit. But then we’re not particularly uptight or sensitive. You’ve apologised, OP, don’t give it another thought.

Personally I think it's no big deal at all. However, if the sexes were reversed and your DH sent a bikini pic of an actress saying his mate would love to spend the night shagging her - well, I don't it would go down well on Mumsnet!!

What I got from it is that her husband feels a bit out of sorts that she obviously thinks Tom Hardy is a bit of alright and has said this on the group chat.

I don't even fancy Tom Hardy, I fancy our postman (who DH and I both refer to as the handsome postie)!! DH and I are now both overthinking this...

Obviously, objectified people is crass and does make others uncomfortable.

I'm going to take it that most people wouldn't see me as a pervy weirdo, my DH is overly sensitive about some things (I know this already) and I probably haven;t upset the group chat!