Sending 'sexy' meme to a group chat - AIBU?

[JustAChangeNow]

This is not a big issue, I'm just wondering if I'm wrong. There is a planning group for a friend's 40th birthday present. Someone (male) suggested we buy her a night with Tom Hardy. I responded with a Gif thingy of him (topless) saying she might well like that!
My husband said that made him feel uncomfortable and disrespected. I apologised, I didn't mean to. He's accepted that.
BUT - was I out of line? Would you think that is offensive, or total non event? I was suprised, it never even occured to me that it could be offensive. WIBU?

I think the important thing is that OP and her husband have healthy communication over minor discomfort.

People's feelings about this are different. I was actually going to post that I wouldn't mind, then I thought... actually in all the groupchats I'm in, I'd definitely raise an eyebrow at anyone posting a sexy celeb pic, especially if it was a straight man posting a female celeb. A surprised eyebrow rather than a judgmental one, and it wouldn't bother me, but it wouldn't be a non-reaction.

I think if OP's husband went on and on or had a big dramatic sulk, she should tell him to get a grip, but expressing minor discomfort instead of seething internally is probably healthy.

It’s a bit crass but nothing to feel disrespected over.

I don't think she has said that though, has she? Someone suggested a night with TH. OP then posted a gif and said friend might enjoy that.

If you'd said you'd ride TH into next week, then he'd have grounds to tell you to reign it in.

I think he has more of an issue with your interaction with this man. Is it the same man you've had problems with in the past? I think the undercurrent here is that your DH potentially doesn't trust you or is extremely insecure, or both.

There's definitely a double standard in that it's OK for women to share topless men pics, openly lust after men, etc. Men would be labelled creeps for sending bikini pics or making comments about female bodies.

But societally, he should know that's the norm. So he is being a bit sensitive. I think it may be tied to his insecurities about his body, which – fair enough, a woman might feel that way about her own body too after her DH shared Emma Ratajkowski in bikini pics or something

I'd say the group chat wouldn't be offended. DH is probably jealous of Tom's body and feels unattractive by comparison hence the hissy fit

I think we need to think that, as women, we have fought against female objectification, so maybe it's hypocritical to do the same to men. Even if it's lighthearted.

Unless you’ve previously had an affair with Tom Hardy then I fail to see the issue.

My DH is sensitive, I'm much less so. But yeah, maybe we (me) do need to think more about how we joke about objectifying men. I just automatically assumed that because it;s a man it would instantly recognised as humour. Feelings are fragile things sometimes!

Nope my husband wouldn't be offended by that.

I think his reaction is ott and him being threatened by another man in the group shows that he doesn't trust you.

I disagree @IAmAnIdiot123 We can be insecure and threatened without actively not trusting our partner. Sometimes I am insecure in my body or how 'sexy' I am, but that's my issue and doesn't mean I don't trust my husband. I trust him with everything i have, but insecurities are unreasonable and pop up anyway!

that 😁

Being insecure in your own body occasionally is not the same as being threatened by another person. If a woman fancied my partner, I wouldn't give a fuck as I trust him. It would become a joke between us, not a problem.

And trust me, I've lost 12 stone, I absolutley understand being insecure in my body, never made me worried about other women!

I wouldn't feel disrespected or threatened if it was a gif of a beautiful girl in a bikini, but I can understand others wouldn't like it.

I don't think you did anything wrong, and you apologised, so nobody got hurt!

Well, being threatened by another person is generally due to your own feelings of insecurity rather than a feelinfg that your wife would go off shagging your friends (or Tom Hardy). My husband does not for one second think I would shag anyone but him. He still feels insecure and threatened sometimes.

Strongly disagree with this @JustAChangeNow- if you trust your partner it doesn't matter how insecure you are within yourself. I have diagnosed BDD but I've never once felt threatened by another woman with my partner, because I trust him.

Agree to disagree on this one. I don't believe people are threatened by others in their relationship if they don't think there's a chance the other person would stray. If they trust that person not to cheat, what are they threatened about? Jealous of the other person, sure, but not threatened!

I've felt threatened by another woman, even though I have no worries about my partner cheating. You know, the usual stuff that plagues us - threatened that someone else's beauty makes me feel less beautiful, threatened that someone young makes me feel old - just shit like that. I can assess it for what it is (nonsense and insecurity, my own shit) and not attach it to anything to do with my husband. I think most people feel this at times!

Or maybe yes, jealous is a better word than actually threatened. I agree with you @IAmAnIdiot123 it is jealousy and insecurity i'm describing.

Your husband felt disrespected? Not even hers? Your husband sounds pathetically jealous and insecure if he’s ‘disrespected’ by such a non-event. YANBU.

What you did was fine, this is his issues with jealousy and insecurity, and he needs to not make it your problem. To be honest, it would give me the ick if mine behaved as yours does. As it’s significant level of insecurity and jealousy.

say it like you feel it ladies 😂It is a good job I am not pathetically insecure, I couldn't cope with mumsnet if I was

My ex told me I was being disrespectful for having Dominic West as my screensaver.

🤷🏼‍♀️

So many women would react like DH did if this were reversed - suggesting birthday boy spends the night with young, hot female celebrity and the group chat descends info guys sending suggestive images of near naked women.

I'd be annoyed if I saw this was the sexist 'banter' BETWEEN DH and his mates, nevermind if I was in the group.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I genuinely would not react this way @Xil. Guys (plural) sending images (plural) is hardly what happened here- OP (singular) sent one image (singular) as a nod to a joke that someone else in the chat already made.

The OP's partner feeling threatened or insecure over a gif is very much a him problem and not the OP's. I would say this were genders reversed as well.