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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never buy anything from this store again?

378 replies

Cupcakemum79 · 06/11/2023 12:47

Last weekend my husband, daughter and I went shopping for winter coats. I was really looking for a nice trenchcoat or ideally a woollen winter coat.
We walked past a luxury brand store that is known for really nice coats. Husband knows I love their coats and suggested we went inside. Normally I wouldn't even consider buying such an expensive clothing item, but husband insisted that I try on the coat I liked. He wanted to treat me if I ended up loving it, as he said it was a timeless item and he wanted to buy a nice Christmas/birthday gift that he knew I'd enjoy for years.

We asked the shop assistant for a size up in the coat I liked. It just didn't fit very nicely. Shop assistant then suggested I try on a couple of other (much more expensive[ coats. Those were really straight fitting coats though and I told her I preferred the other coat because it had a waist belt and didn't look so baggy.
She then told me "that coat maybe it was for you 20 years ago, now it's not for you".

My husband and I found this incredibly rude, but were too shocked to say anything. It ruined the shopping for me though, so we left immediately and husband told her that we didn't want a coat anymore. He was really angry. I am now 44 years old and tried the size 14, which fitted but pulled across the chest. Surely that's not incredibly old or fat to deserve a remark like that? Also what's with the '20 years ago' I really don't even look that old!

AIBU that I found this incredibly offensive and also I think that had I looked really rich she would never have said anything like that? Also I really don't want a coat from that store anymore...

OP posts:
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Original poster
Cupcakemum79 · 09/11/2023 08:43

Differencesclear · 09/11/2023 06:11

I don’t know how I’d feel about my husband “holding back” and wanting to “get so angry there and then” but only not doing so because of me. I would worry what he was like when I wasn’t there!

ehm getting angry for him means making a blunt remark in return and starting a complaint there. Nothing violent or aggressive...if that's what you are thinking about? He deals with insults and angry people every day in his job, so he is quite used to dealing with that in a firm but correct manner.

OP posts:
Redpaisley · 09/11/2023 08:46

SiousieSoo · 09/11/2023 08:22

Please do not tell me what I am doing, I don't need your little wisdom explaining anything to me and do not appreciate your school teacher hectoring tone, this is the internet ya'know??

I am simply stating that not everything looks good on every age. My opinion to which I am entitled, OK?

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Your wisdom is also not required on age appropriate clothing, ok?

Redpaisley · 09/11/2023 09:08

Cupcakemum79 · 09/11/2023 08:40

@Shadowonasun well I know from Eastern European colleagues that that is definitely true there. This shop assistant was asian though, and I understand they may have the same opnion on what is considered 'fat'. I didn't think her nationality was important, although it may indeed explain her opinion..

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I think you should complain about this sales assistant. Whether it is due to cultural reasons or her own personal preference, she should have some basic manners if she wants to deal with customers.

Luddite26 · 09/11/2023 09:19

44 is not in any way old no matter how many people below that age think it is.

BigPharma · 09/11/2023 09:36

burberry is not Chavtastic !!
Dont you remember that Daniella westbrook photo of her and her daughter head to foot in it Pram and bag etc 😦??- share prices dramatically dropped because of this, because some people didn't want to buy designer stuff that chavs can afford ( a bit rich really ).
They have had new designers for years now since then, the name has risen back to the heady heights it had in the 80s.
Their trench coats are an elegant classic.
that said I would want to boycott them after your treatment.
I am not that surprised though, as a teenager ( I am 40 ) I used to go up west with friends, those swanky shops on Bond Street had security at the door to weed at the have nots, so we could not even look inside the stores, because of course we were not posh kids in Abercrombie and Fitch and alike.

SiousieSoo · 09/11/2023 09:57

Redpaisley · 09/11/2023 08:46

Your wisdom is also not required on age appropriate clothing, ok?

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Dear redpaisley

The OP asked for opinions as to whether the shop assistant's comments were rude, see below extract for your convenience. I simply gave my opinion, OK? I hope that I have clarified this for you. And by the way, my wisdom is always required.

AIBU that I found this incredibly offensive and also I think that had I looked really rich she would never have said anything like that? Also I really don't want a coat from that store anymore...

Lollipopsicle · 09/11/2023 10:19

SiliconHeaven · 06/11/2023 16:03

fuck me, their styling is horrible, shudder
https://uk.burberry.com/long-reversible-bradford-car-coat-p80767111

Christ! That's really ugly. The coat, the hat, the style. Just awful. I often think that of these top end designer clothes though. Just shapeless, ugly and unflattering. Why on earth would anyone waste spend good money on something like this?

Eventingmum · 09/11/2023 10:21

Have a look at Fairfax & Favour coats. They are so beautiful and the customer service is first class from them.

threatmatrix · 09/11/2023 10:47

Irridescantshimmmer · 06/11/2023 13:02

Its against the law for a start OP. She was rude and offesive as well as her being ageist.

If I was you, I'd complain. The assistant needs a repirimand so she learns to keep her rude attitude to herself.

What law?

Ramalangadingdong · 09/11/2023 10:58

She should definitely be disciplined and retrained. Her comments crossed a line. She upset you, OP and that is just plain wrong. If you were alone you might have been even more upset. As it was your husband witnessed her rudeness and has your back. A good sales assistant would have gently helped you find a coat that looks fabulous. I think you should send ina complaint in addition to your dh’s.

Julessickofinflatedegos · 09/11/2023 12:10

Seriously, you think its clever to disrespect everyone who works in sales, as though they're a lower life form. You're no better than the disrespectful sales person. Shame on you

OneTC · 09/11/2023 12:11

SiousieSoo · 06/11/2023 14:56

Indeed they can but it is a matter of fact that some styles suit certain ages/figures/physiques better than others. It is not insulting or offensive for someone to express this, particularly if that someone has knowledge of the garments in question. Should we pretend to be agnostic to everything and never make reference to those facets of our character that may be relevant?

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Yeah so you just politely suggest a different coat or style, if the customer doesn't want to listen though you've done your bit and you sell em what they want.

amusedbush · 09/11/2023 12:29

It definitely comes down to culture. I'm not excusing the sales assistant's wording but I think the UK is probably in a minority of countries that refuses to mention weight.

I understand the logic behind it but because we don't talk about it, nobody gets the chance to be desensitised and any so mention of weight is humiliating and offensive. There is a huge middle ground between a shame culture if you're above a size 8 and one where people would rather die than talk about weight matter-of-factly.

SiousieSoo · 09/11/2023 12:38

OneTC · 09/11/2023 12:11

Yeah so you just politely suggest a different coat or style, if the customer doesn't want to listen though you've done your bit and you sell em what they want.

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Yes I agree she was maybe a bit too blunt with her honesty but I don't think it is rude for her to say a certain style would have looked better twenty years ago or however it was said! The bluntness may have been due to cultural differences according to other suggestions on this thread so I don't know. However I think some of the attacks on here such as 'she was a bitch' are far too aggressive.

sumayyah · 09/11/2023 12:54

SweetBirdsong · 07/11/2023 18:13

Gosh that was very rude! And as pps have said, also ageist! Sorry you experienced this @Cupcakemum79

Reminds me (a bit) of a time when me and DH went to a menswear store that sold clothes for men up to 7 ft tall, and up to a 65" waist. (They also sold clothes that were fairly 'regular' ... 40" waist, down to 30" waist.) DH was a little bit overweight at the time - 42" waist... He is an average height for his age - 5 ft 10.

He only popped in as he liked the look of a scarf in the window. At the front of the shop were the regular sizes, and at the back were the 'bigger mens' clothes.

The woman at the counter on the way in said to DH 'I'm not being funny darling but you need to go to the back of the store!' Hmm Yeah he was a bit overweight at the time, but he was only going in to look at a scarf! He went flame red, and said 'let's go!' And scuttled off really embarrassed.

I was so annoyed and upset for him. I was going to go in and complain to the manager but he begged me not to. About a year later, the store closed down as it went into administration. I was not surprised. This rude offensive woman probably drove half the customers away!

Edited

Bless him, some staff I swear like to embarrass people

Over a decade ago I was obese. I had gone into top shop and one of the shop assistants looked me up and down and said "we don't sell anything that would fit you"

I was looking for a gift for my younger size 8 sister though as you say I'm pretty sure scarfs, hats, gloves etc fit pretty much everyone
My sister ended up with money in a card instead

Graasspp · 09/11/2023 13:48

Ireolu · 08/11/2023 23:22

I have no idea but I have a wool coat from burberry that I got 6 yrs ago that now has holes in the lining. For the amount my coats from hobbs , and other stories, etc have faired better and were cheaper.

ETA max mara may be a good shout for a stylish long lasting trench.

Edited
Show quote history

I have max mara wool coats and puffers.

I'm not sure all Burberry is made in UK, perhaps they dont have a woolen mill. But the gabardine trenches are and are quality. They'd definitely repair any linings etc as I do think they stand by the quality of their trench coats, at least

Differencesclear · 09/11/2023 14:34

Irridescantshimmmer · 06/11/2023 13:02

Its against the law for a start OP. She was rude and offesive as well as her being ageist.

If I was you, I'd complain. The assistant needs a repirimand so she learns to keep her rude attitude to herself.

@Irridescantshimmmer please come back! I need to know this law! 😂

YerArseInParsley · 10/11/2023 06:43

Maybe it's just me cause I'm a gobshite and don't let anyone away with anything but I can't understand why you or your husband didn't say anything. Even if it was just to tell her she's rude.

That's quite hurtful what she said but people need to grow a pair and give it back when it's dished out.

Ifeelsuchafool · 10/11/2023 10:41

If it's Burberry, they've always been like this! I have a Burberry trench coat from 1981, (before the knock offs abounded and it became "chavtastic"), my mum bought it for my 21st birthday. I was the a very svelte size 10 but the lady in the shop insisted on pushing a size 14 at me. Her reasoning was the coat would last a lifetime and ladies usually gain a couple of dress sizes as they age! I cinched the coat in with the belt when younger and can still wear it today even though though I've ballooned to size 16/18 so...(it is a tad snug I admit but I can still fasten all the buttons, just! 🤣)

Tracynut · 10/11/2023 16:48

Sounds a horrible situation, and I don’t understand the staff in such stores as they’re stuck up but I’m bet most of them would struggle to shop there!! But I just wanted to say your husband sounds lovely, supportive and clearly wants to make you happy!! I hope the store does take action on his email to them!! I’m sure you’ll find a coat you love that will be your Xmas gift! X

Rtc12 · 11/11/2023 21:38

Have you checked out Barbour Coats? They might have something nice, and they're v good quality. They seem to have a few trench coats

Theproofofthepudding · 11/11/2023 22:06

Many of this company's designs don't go above a uk12 so as a size 14 and requesting a bigger size may have sent this sales person into an uncomfortable situation..right or wrong they were on a hiding to nothing

PrincessPeaches123 · 12/11/2023 20:16

I am a fan of Burberry but don't have the trench coat. I have a trench from Hobbs because I preferred it. Do have a look there. I've been insulted in many shops. It's not brand associated. I just ignore them I also don't like them blowing smoke up my arse.

nicnac79 · 15/11/2023 13:47

What a horrible cow. I'm the same age as you and wouldn't consider myself to be twenty years too old for something. Wear whatever makes you feel good. It wouldn't stop me from ordering the next size up online if possible if I didn't feel comfortable about going into the shop again or another branch. It would have upset me though and I'd be making a complaint. Hope you're okay op 💐

39and · 15/11/2023 13:50

@Cupcakemum79 did you hear back after the email?