To ask what should happen now? DD attacked by other students

[RainInNovember]

DD is 15, shes had a few issues with people, got into a few arguments, nothing major and mainly over whatsapp etc, she does seem to get involved in the drama. But a lot of her friends are similar and there are often fallings out but then friends again the next week.

I just had a message from dd at school. she said two girls who she used to be friends with have waited outside her lesson for her and followed her. once she was on her own they put a coat over her head and started punching her in the head and pulling her hair and dragging her about.

she has told school and she said the girls are currently in isolation, I have called school who said they're investigating now and will call me back shortly.

I have never dealt with anything like this before. I just want to know what to expect and how seriously they should take it.

This. Detention/suspension/isolation isn't enough. What they have done is assault and it is a crime. Police need to be involved.

Even before she has even spoken with her daughter (only messaging) and only very briefly with the school?

If I was going to report

I would at least go to the school before doing so In order to see my daughter and speak with her and the school

Sorry to hear about the horrible treatment of your DD. She will be traumatised.
Definitely call the Police & report the assault.
A similar situation happened to our DS. We contacted the Police who called into the school to speak to the child involved. They were a known bully & the Staff told us they were pleased we had contacted the Police.
Our DS was not assaulted again.

@RainInNovember My child was punched in school, in a lesson and witnessed by the teacher. The bully also punched another child who happened to be my son's best mate. It all happened very quickly with no warning or interaction. The child just exploded. Ds and mate backed away quickly not getting involved in the fight.

I did contact the police to see what they would do, if anything, I was told that they usually refer you to a school police liason officer but our school doesn't have one. They did say if we wanted to take it further they would investigate the assault.

In our case the bully was suspended from school for 3 days I think, then had a back to school meeting with his parents in attendance who were appalled at their child's behaviour, our statement as parents was read out to the child and their parents saying that our son would let this go as a one off and he is far more forgiving than us but if anything else happened, verbal etc we would then contact the police to take this further. The child returned and was in isolation for a week as part of the original punishment. This was year 11 so we thought that this would just be an internal isolation for a day so we were pleased with how school dealt with it.

They also checked in with my son and his mate for a few weeks afterwards to make sure nothing was being said to them about it by other students and the original student. Honestly, the school is a great school.

School left it up to us as the parents to make the call about the police but would provide all the evidence collected during their investigation. I got the feeling from the police that it would just end up in a talking to them rather than anything more serious. Your DD's attack was premeditated and involved two of them and I would be partly led by what your DD wants too. Luckily my son didn't have much of a mark on him, he said the kid was just so angry his punches didn't really land, thank goodness.

This isn’t about victim blaming. It’s plainly sensible to gather the facts in case of any risk to DD and ask DD what she wants to do, before rushing into a process that may cause more harm than good.

And if you don’t think calling the police can sometimes cause more harm than good, then you are blissfully ignorant of the realities of the criminal justice system.

Fair enough - speak to the daughter first. However, if the mother is satisfied that an assault has taken place, she should contact the police.

Don't call the police. As someone who was bullied it became much worse once the police were involved. I would find out who the kids are and post on the local Facebook group asking the parents to contact you. Then get DH to go speak to the parents about what is going on and tell them it stops now, much more likely to end it. As for DD maybe some self defence lessons are in order. I got beat up, it didn't happen again once I fought back. That's the reality of secondary school in some areas

Absolutely that. At the moment OP has nothing but a few texts to go on. It would be madness to contact the police when she has no details to give them, and no idea what repercussions there might be for her daughter.

Personally, I'd call the police.

The school punishments are never good enough in cases like this.

I speak from experience.

Well yes

but you can’t ring up the police and say - the school rang me and told me about an incident and said they’d call back when they had more detail

police: where is your daughter

op: at school

police: have you seen or spoken to her?

op: no but we have been messaging and she says she’s ok and would like to stay at school

Your poor daughter! What little bitches. I really hope they are punished. Definitely find out if it was videoed as this is often the case. Really hope your daughters ok

Do gather the facts first. Don't go to the school or police all guns blazing until you have heard your DD's full version of events (including any build-up) and what the school intend to do about it. Obviously violence towards another student is never OK, and you can make clear to the school that you are expecting serious consequences for the perpetrators. When similar happened at my school (secondary), the perpetrators were suspended for a week and then came back to internal exclusion. They could go to certain lessons but had to spend every tutor time, break and lunch in isolation. Do not involve police unless a. you think school aren't taking it seriously and b. your daughter is happy for you to do so. It may transpire that your daughter's behaviour has not been squeaky clean either, and although of course they should not have been violent towards her she may not thank you for alerting police to anything involving eg social media that she may have done.... I know teenage girls only too well, and as you say, these girls were her friends, so you need to get to the bottom of what has gone on before you act.

Schools really can't do much other than pit them in isolation or suspend for a day

Its assault take it to the police

Most parents do until it happens to their child.

I'd let the school investigate thoroughly and then I'd discuss with the school about police involvement for assault. Schools are often quite happy for police to be called, especially when the culprit isn't well disciplined at home and will have very few consequences for their actions other than what the school can do (fixed exclusion).

The school should have taken witness statements and checked any CCTV cameras in the area that the assault took place. Check this has been done.

Outside of making sure your daughter is okay, Have a look at the school safeguarding and anti-bullying policies. Check to see if the schools response adheres correctly to those. If not then make a formal complaint via email that has the school governor, safeguarding lead and head teacher copied in. Within the complaint make sure you highlight their own policies to them and where you can see they have failed. Schools may say they can't tell you how the other children have been dealt with due to safeguarding etc, and it can be worse if the perpetrating child/ren have home issues known to school as they behave like your child is not the victim. But just be sure to highlight their policy failings. Police don't always do much with in school incidents, but that's just my experience as I went through a similar bullying experience of my 13 year old son

The school’s behaviour policy should be online. Read it and let the school know that you expect them to follow it and to apply sanctions commensurate with the attack on your child.

thanks for all the advice. school have called. one child excluded for one day. the other in isolation for a day.

will contact police

So school hasn't contacted the police?

And why exactly should the sorting out be done by the DH? Can us woman not be trusted to sort it out

I got beat up as a child by the local bullies. A few weeks later we were at a community event and I got cornered by them again in the toilet. My friend managed to get out and got my mum who dealt with them in a way that they never even looked at me again. Absolutely no need to get my dad involved

Call the Police, don't even hesitate. This will continue if you don't get them arrested.

Schools will very rarely contact the police in cases where its pupil on pupil unless they are made to do by the parents or if its an extremely serious offence.

They always try and keep it in house.

🙄

This is the worst advice I think I have ever read on mumsnet