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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what should happen now? DD attacked by other students

433 replies

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 12:31

DD is 15, shes had a few issues with people, got into a few arguments, nothing major and mainly over whatsapp etc, she does seem to get involved in the drama. But a lot of her friends are similar and there are often fallings out but then friends again the next week.

I just had a message from dd at school. she said two girls who she used to be friends with have waited outside her lesson for her and followed her. once she was on her own they put a coat over her head and started punching her in the head and pulling her hair and dragging her about.

she has told school and she said the girls are currently in isolation, I have called school who said they're investigating now and will call me back shortly.

I have never dealt with anything like this before. I just want to know what to expect and how seriously they should take it.

OP posts:
Passepartoute · 06/11/2023 14:19

Take photographs of any bruising etc and any damage to your daughter's things, and consider whether you need to take her to the GP - not least to get injuries documented.

Ask the school if they have got CCTV covering all or part of what happened, and if so make sure they keep it.

DailyMailHater · 06/11/2023 14:20

I hope she is ok.

keep a note of dates and time that you contacted school they contacted you and who you spoke to

also you may want to follow up by email (I found it was the only way to get school to stick to what they said was to have it in writing - anything agreed in a phone call they then denied or said I had misunderstood )

I would email summarising what Dd has told you had happened - that school agreed to get back to you by x date/time and that you would like a copy of their behaviour and bullying policies.

(once in writing it has to go on file - a phone call dosent!)

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 14:21

SmallBlueDinosaur · 06/11/2023 14:03

She brought home a head bump letter 🙄

Show quote history

That's good. should have the symptoms of concussion then. Also useful evidence.

Does it say she needs to stay off school for 24 hours? School should send home work - ask for it (although I pity the teachers). The absence isn't her fault.

I wouldn't want her back in school with the other two though.

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 14:24

DailyMailHater · 06/11/2023 14:20

I hope she is ok.

keep a note of dates and time that you contacted school they contacted you and who you spoke to

also you may want to follow up by email (I found it was the only way to get school to stick to what they said was to have it in writing - anything agreed in a phone call they then denied or said I had misunderstood )

I would email summarising what Dd has told you had happened - that school agreed to get back to you by x date/time and that you would like a copy of their behaviour and bullying policies.

(once in writing it has to go on file - a phone call dosent!)

when you have the policies make sure your daughter reads them for future reference and understands them herself, and is following them herself.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 06/11/2023 14:25

My dd was once attacked by 2 boys, kicked in the ribs and stomach until it winded her. School didn't tell me until pick up the boys got 1 day exclusion. She is not there anymore and I will forewarn you now these girls have started this they won't stop.

Oblomov23 · 06/11/2023 14:27

You are making a mistake. Irrespective of how good the school are at dealing with it, you need to phone the police and get the assault registered. Posters keep telling you this, but you can't seem to grasp the importance.

SoTired12 · 06/11/2023 14:28

Tell her to get both of them back when they're alone. Police won't do anything.

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 14:31

SoTired12 · 06/11/2023 14:28

Tell her to get both of them back when they're alone. Police won't do anything.

and get herself expelled in the process? Or put herself at risk next time she bumps into one of them, with her mates, outside of school?

Not the best advice I've seen today.

ChateauMargaux · 06/11/2023 14:31

Definition of assault:

Section 39 common assault or battery (use of physical force) is the lowest form of violence to the person. However, it still carries the possibility of a prison sentence. This offence is often charged where there is no serious injury but there are bruises, grazes or lesser injuries.

Report to the police. Take her to see a medical professional to document her injuries.

Definitelynotme2022 · 06/11/2023 14:31

I had similar happen to my dd, and to be honest I was straight into school! Even if you can't do anything, your dd will appreciate you being there as support.

Luckily for us this was a one off, and was actually a friend of dd's who was having a really tough time. If it had been anyone else I would have called the police.

I don't trust schools to deal with these incidents adequately so please make copious and detailed notes about the incident, anything dd says, any mark and also all contact with the school. Then email it all to the school, cc'ing in as many people as possible. Highlight that it's their responisibility to provide a safe environment for dd.

Original poster
RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 14:32

Oblomov23 · 06/11/2023 14:27

You are making a mistake. Irrespective of how good the school are at dealing with it, you need to phone the police and get the assault registered. Posters keep telling you this, but you can't seem to grasp the importance.

I am going to call the police. I have not made a mistake. I am just waiting to hear from school to see what they say/see if they have contacted them, before I do anything

Trust me I understand the seriousness and I will be doing so once I've spoken to school... as I have said

OP posts:
Ankerdam · 06/11/2023 14:33

I was your daughter aged 14, except we weren't in school and there were many more than 2 of them, some of which didn't go to my school.

Go to the police and press charges - the girls that attacked me all were given a criminal record, fined and had to complete some kind of community service. The school will also take it seriously, although because my experience was outside of school it didn't result in the individuals being suspended/excluded, rather the staff did their best to keep me separate and look out for me.

All the best to your daughter, she may need some therapy to help process what has happened especially if these girls were previously regarded as friends.

wishingiwas20something · 06/11/2023 14:34

I’d put something in writing to the school, stating details, date, time, place, names of those involved. Ask for a full investigation into the attack, along with any cctv footage they hold and that in the meantime you’ve contacted the police and the crime reference number is: xxxxxxx. What a horrible, awful thing to happen. Those children should be ashamed of themselves.

VickyEadieofThigh · 06/11/2023 14:35

SarahSays1 · 06/11/2023 14:24

when you have the policies make sure your daughter reads them for future reference and understands them herself, and is following them herself.

Show quote history

Behaviour and bullying policies by law must be on the school website so are already available.

MabelMaybe · 06/11/2023 14:35

The police number is 101 if you do decide to call them.

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 06/11/2023 14:36

TeenDivided · 06/11/2023 13:02

It isn't being brushed under the carpet.

The girls are already in isolation, the school is investigating. This means they will be taking statements from your DD, the other girls and any 3rd part witnesses.

Let the school have time to do their job before going down demanding action.

Depends on the school. Some schools sadly will sacrifice victims and avoid calling the police, so not to get in the media.

finallyme2018 · 06/11/2023 14:38

my experience from school, my son wa assaulted by someone at school, the same person assaulted his friend 4 months earlier and the school talked his parents out of contacting the police. I contacted the police before the school even knew what had happened because I was not prepare to justify why I wanted their involvement. School now days do not do enough with bullies or even supporting the person who was assaulted. My advice do not wait for school they are not on yours or your daughter side. They want it pushed under carpet as quickly as possible. You need to be decisive and be the spokesperson for your daughter. School will not be that person.

slore · 06/11/2023 14:38

wishingiwas20something · 06/11/2023 14:34

I’d put something in writing to the school, stating details, date, time, place, names of those involved. Ask for a full investigation into the attack, along with any cctv footage they hold and that in the meantime you’ve contacted the police and the crime reference number is: xxxxxxx. What a horrible, awful thing to happen. Those children should be ashamed of themselves.

Do this OP. You can't trust them on their word that they'll take internal action, nor that they'll call the police.

They'll just say whatever you want to hear to fob you off.

EvilElsa · 06/11/2023 14:41

If this happened to you as an adult you'd call the police. I'd do so for DD. The school can carry out their investigation alongside that.

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 06/11/2023 14:42

RainInNovember · 06/11/2023 14:32

I am going to call the police. I have not made a mistake. I am just waiting to hear from school to see what they say/see if they have contacted them, before I do anything

Trust me I understand the seriousness and I will be doing so once I've spoken to school... as I have said

Show quote history

Don't wait until you hear from the school. The victim, your daughter, knows what happened. You don't need to sit around waiting for the school to act or not act. Write to the police. Now. Show your daughter you take this seriously. I'm actually surprised by your lack of reaction. If it were my child I would have alerted then police, then picked up my child and sent a mail to the school telling them why she shouldn't be there until the police has been notified and the bullies suspended. And get everything in writing.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 06/11/2023 14:42

Yes, as PP said, no matter what the school says or does, make an official police complaint. Make sure you have the details of anyone who may have filmed the attack, and if the school has cctv tell the police immediately so that they access it before it is deleted.
I'm sorry that your DD had to go through this, and by former friends.

Changednamesforthis22 · 06/11/2023 14:44

I'd expect the school to suspend them and/or put them in isolation for something so serious.

Theresit · 06/11/2023 14:45

I find it interesting that if this were adults carrying out an attack, police would be called and charges made. Somehow with teenagers it often gets treated differently. So if the school haven’t rung the police then , as you’ve said, it’s important you call OP. Those carrying out the attack should know better ( unless you’re in Scotland where under 25s can’t be held responsible for their actions including rape because their brains aren’t mature enough, yet at the same time they can be responsible enough to vote…)

Flipdiddle · 06/11/2023 14:45

Is this the very first time your daughter has been involved in any physical altercation?

IdealisticCynic · 06/11/2023 14:47

Going against the grain, I wouldn’t report to the police until I’d spoken to her. If the police take action, she may have to give evidence. That is not something you can decide on her behalf. You also need to be certain that no counter allegations can be made and that it wasn’t over something illegal that your DD could get into trouble over.

Also, it may be that you and/or your DD are happy with the action taken by the school. You may not be. But you can’t know until you have spoken to them about what they plan to do.

Good luck!