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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to DS’s friend staying for a week

84 replies

mmiccio · 05/11/2023 21:48

I'm looking for opinions as I've never been in this situation and I don't know what to do for the best.

My DS is 22, he became friends with a boy (17) a few months ago, DS has explained that he's been live streaming him playing games and he's for a few hundred followers so ‘famous’ but the boy messaged him on another social media and they started playing games together however they are now close and often video call each other. I am a bit wary of the friendship as the boy isn't yet an adult.

He lives a few hours away. Myself and DH went on holiday this week. DS didn't come as he didn't want to however we've found out that the friend came to visit on Monday until Wednesday and he stayed here. I am annoyed at DS for not telling us but he said it was last minute.

DS has asked if he can come at the end of this month and stay for a week, we've told DS we'll think about it but he's constantly asking as friend needs to book the train.

I'm unsure but DH thinks no, mainly due to the boys age and the age gap.

So WIBU to go with DH and say no or should we allow it?

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 05/11/2023 21:50

I wouldn't want any guests for a week so I would decline.

user1488042156 · 05/11/2023 21:52

I would say no whilst he is still 17

Darkandstormynite · 05/11/2023 21:53

Are they in a relationship?

muchalover · 05/11/2023 21:56

Who is paying for the cost of putting the young man up? Your son?

Are they in a relationship?

If it were a 17y/o girl would that make the decision easier?

Will they be sharing a room?

If your son is working what will the young man do all day? If he's not, should he be?

Scarlettpixie · 05/11/2023 21:58

I think a week is a long time to host someone who you don’t yet know.

What are your concerns about the age gap? My best friend is 5 years older than me and we met at those ages. Went on holiday together a year later and stayed at each others parents homes more or less from the get go so we could go out drinking. We are still friends now and both in our 50s.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/11/2023 22:04

No, and I wouldn't agree if it was a boy girl thing either with that age difference.

LolaSmiles · 05/11/2023 22:07

I wouldn't want anyone staying for a week who I didn't know, and certainly not someone under 18 who has been met online.

This might sound harsh but he's in his early 20s. If he wants to have a man den to game with his teenage friends then he can move out.

Lindy2 · 05/11/2023 22:10

A week is a long time. Potentially I'd say OK to a few days but not a week.

I'd also want to know details such as ; friendship or relationship, expected sleeping arrangements, will your son be there the whole time or at work, what they plan to be doing during the visit.

Your son could always go and visit the other boy's house. Why is the 17 year old the one travelling?

If it's a relationship 17 is young to be with a 22 year old. It would concern me and I'd want to know what the other parents were thinking about it.

Pumpkinspice13 · 05/11/2023 22:14

Absolutely not. 17 is still a child and it’s very inappropriate for a child to be having sleep overs with a 22 year old man.

Summerbay23 · 05/11/2023 22:21

No from me. I’d let 17 year olds stay overnight if I knew them and they were friends of my similar aged kids. I wouldn’t allow an unknown 17 year old stay overnight at the request of my 22 year old child (without having a conversation with the 17 year olds parents).

Gcsunnyside23 · 05/11/2023 22:29

A few QS...

  1. Is this friendship or potential for sexual relationship? Underage issues
  2. Will your son not be at work?
  3. Will the boy be missing school? Have you spoken to his parents
  4. You're in charge of a minor, you ok with that?
Original poster
mmiccio · 05/11/2023 22:34

I don't think they're in a relationship but DH suspects they are as DS isn't as close to his other friends as he is to this boy.

He has said he could travel to his friend but there's more for them to do here, he is supposed to be working but has said he'll take the week off. We do have a spare bedroom where he could sleep but IF DH is right and they're in a relationship, I suspect they won't agree.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 05/11/2023 22:40

I would assume they're in a relationship. How far off 18 is he? He could be facing some difficulties along the way

Original poster
mmiccio · 05/11/2023 23:09

I've not spoken to the friends parents as I don't know their names or any of their contact details.

I assume he would would be missing school/college but I'm unsure about what he does. He's not 18 until towards the end of March.

OP posts:
Original poster
mmiccio · 06/11/2023 09:33

.

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 06/11/2023 09:41

I'd be cautious partly the age gap if it is intimate but also I still recall the Brock Bednar case and that your son didn't really know who this other person is.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30786021

Breck Bednar murder: Lewis Daynes sentenced to life in prison

A computer engineer is sentenced to life in prison for the murder of a 14-year-old boy he met through online gaming.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-30786021

alwaysmovingforwards · 06/11/2023 13:40

Your house your rules, just call it.

You don't need to justify or expand if you don't want to imo.

Nov07 · 06/11/2023 13:45

@mmiccio , google Breck Bednar.

Nov07 · 06/11/2023 13:46

Apologies cross post.

NovemberName · 06/11/2023 14:12

No I wouldn't allow it. 5 years between is huge at this age.

You son hasn't even explained if he's in a relationship with him or not.

Do you know your son is gay? Has he told you? Or are these just assumptions of your and your husband.

Just no no no!!

Original poster
mmiccio · 06/11/2023 14:34

I'm a bit wary due to the age difference, DS is immature but I don't know if the friend is. I agree a week is a long time especially as me nor DH have ever met him and I don't know what his parents will think of it.

OP posts:
Ohnoooooooo · 06/11/2023 15:03

Its tricky as I suspect if you say no its likely your son would go there which would worry me more.
Tell him you need to speak to the boy's parents. I am concerned he is not really 17.

momtoboys · 06/11/2023 15:05

It would be an absolutely not in our house.

caringcarer · 06/11/2023 15:09

Gcsunnyside23 · 05/11/2023 22:29

A few QS...

  1. Is this friendship or potential for sexual relationship? Underage issues
  2. Will your son not be at work?
  3. Will the boy be missing school? Have you spoken to his parents
  4. You're in charge of a minor, you ok with that?

The boy is 17. 16 is age of consent so how is this boy underage?

Diamondcurtains · 06/11/2023 15:14

I’d be saying absolutely not. End of.

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