To say no to DS’s friend staying for a week

[mmiccio]

I'm looking for opinions as I've never been in this situation and I don't know what to do for the best.

My DS is 22, he became friends with a boy (17) a few months ago, DS has explained that he's been live streaming him playing games and he's for a few hundred followers so ‘famous’ but the boy messaged him on another social media and they started playing games together however they are now close and often video call each other. I am a bit wary of the friendship as the boy isn't yet an adult.

He lives a few hours away. Myself and DH went on holiday this week. DS didn't come as he didn't want to however we've found out that the friend came to visit on Monday until Wednesday and he stayed here. I am annoyed at DS for not telling us but he said it was last minute.

DS has asked if he can come at the end of this month and stay for a week, we've told DS we'll think about it but he's constantly asking as friend needs to book the train.

I'm unsure but DH thinks no, mainly due to the boys age and the age gap.

So WIBU to go with DH and say no or should we allow it?

It's all just so bizarre. When I was 22 I'd have died of embarrassment if my parents wanted to speak to the parents of my "friends", or if they'd stick around to "keep an eye on me".

@The100AcreWood The OP is concerned about the 17-year-old, not her adult son. When you were 17, were your parents comfortable with you staying for a week with a 22-year-old stranger (to them) and his family whom you’d met online and who lived several hours away?

Yes, he can have sex but his parents are legally responsible for him until he turns 18. He probably lied about his whereabouts when he stayed for a couple of days while the OP was on holiday. The OP needs to have his parents’ contact information and confirm that they’re ok with this longer visit.

Once he turns 18, he’s an adult and it’s none of their business.

Your sons friend is above the age of consent.
Just tell them to get a hotel if you don't want him staying at your house.

I’d refuse. It feels very odd and will not be comfortable for you. When your son has his own place he can do as he chooses - perhaps it is time for him to move out?

Because of the boys age, I would want to speak with his parents. Do they know where he's going, do they know your son is 22 and are they comfortable with him coming to stay.

I wouldn't give a shit if the son feels embarrassed, he's already broken trust by having the boy to stay without asking.
This isn't about him it's about his friend and I wouldn't feel comfortable having them in my house without checking with his parents.

You don't even know he's definitely 17, you only have their word for it. I could easily pass for 17/18 when I was 14/15 and I did, regularly.

Interestingly I have quite a different view from pp here.

I don’t think that it’s appropriate to call the 17 year olds parents or to get involved in what they’re communicating to their parents. At 17 I think that’s between them.

I also don’t think that a relationship with that age gap is awful, especially given that it sounds like your son is a bit immature, and it sounds like they are taking things reasonably slowly if they’re discussing it.

Id be tempted to say yes to your son for 2 nights over a weekend, and then see how you feel about future visits once you’ve met the lad.

Exactly what came to my mind. This was one of the most heartbreaking news items.

A night or two maybe, but a week no way! I’d not have anyone stay a week.

the brock bednar case was horrific, but what are the odds the 17 year old will kill the older boy in his parents home

OP if your 22 year old son 'met' a 17 year old girl online, told you he invited her to stay for a week, initially told you it wasn't your business if she was just a friend but later revealed that he wanted a relationship with her and she might do too but said she isn't ready yet, would you honestly still be confused about what to do?

I'm surprised you're so torn about this.