To question rich child/average child friendship

[FireworksAreFantastic]

We are average.
Average careers.
Average income.
Smaller (much smaller ....meaning TINY) than average house.
DS aged 12 is a gorgeous boy. Bright. Funny. Intelligent. Lovely. Kind. Sociable. Active. Loves going out on his bike.
Goes to the local comp which hasn't got a great reputation.
He's been biking on his own a lot down this certain area through the countryside and keeps bumping in to another kid the same age who's also out on his bike in the same area.
Today they got talking.
Other kid lives in a gigantic double fronted detached listed building surrounded by lakes and land, and attends a public school an hour away.
We live 10 min drive away in a tiny weeny semi in a tiny close with a tiny back patio.
My DS and this kid seem to have a connection and want to swap numbers to meet up and go biking together.
Can it work???
If you send your DC to a public school and live in a country pad, would you be OK with them hanging out with a kid from the local comp who lives in a house so small it's cramped?!

This is about you and your lack of confidence. Stop projecting. You telling him he can't be friends with the people he chooses is going to have more impact than comparing hypothetical holidays. He's 12, not 5.

They both love biking, so I doubt this other boy enjoys a 'lie on the beach for 6 weeks and do nothing' holiday. Also... have you seen him go in and out of this house? Kids do make stuff up :)

DS has seen him go in and out of house. Also said bye to each other then see his parents come out of house and get in to range rover with them and drive off.
Another time we walked past, saw dog in grounds, DS said oh that's his dog, he's cute, I stroked him.
It's his house.

I certainly don't think you should stop a friendship forming and you should trust your son to decide who he does and doesn't want to be friends with.

However, I disagree with previous posters who say that money wont have any impact. Of course there will be a difference and it will potentially play a role in the shape of the friendship - being able to afford the same activities, having the same frame of reference etc.

But this could also well be a valuable learning for your son, including how to navigate friendships where there is a difference in income - because let's face it, there is always someone who will have more money!

Your updates make things even worse @FireworksAreFantastic 🙄

Out of interest, would you allow him to be friends with someone who you thought was in a worse position than yourself?

Just let them be kids. If your son comes questioning your housing and financial situation then you use it as a teaching opportunity.

How would you feel if your DS ended up being wealthy like that?

Are you pissed?

Are you serious? Wow.

Let your child be friends with who he wants to and don't let your prejudices be known to him

My da has a good friend who lives in a similar sounding size house we live in a 3 bed terraced HA house. They know each other through a team sport and despite not being in same team for 4 years , still keep in touch and spent time at each others houses. If you get on , you get on

This post is ridiculous - we all can afford / prioritise different things in life, but having a commonality or hobby (like biking) is what makes true friendships. Please don’t give your boy insecurities like this - I promise you he will be happier without them!

Also yes my Ds was impressed by the big house etc but he knows the vast majority don’t live like that, but as the other boy and his family are just very nice people they also know they are lucky and not how most live and also are the sort of family who accept people for who they are , not where they live , how big a car they drive. Ds friend now at 18 drives an expensive car , DS drives a cheap little banger , but both go from a to b ,one thing I like about DS playing in a team sport was it was nice him having friends from all walks of lives as its a big world out there

The best thing in the world for both children and adults is to mix with people with different experiences, upbringings and viewpoints to them. I think this will be a good thing for both boys.

Nah, it's a wind up

The massive chip on your shoulder is disadvantaging your son. Why would you do that to him?

Yes this.

I'm sad to think your son may miss out on a great friendship because you have a chip on your shoulder.

My parents were working class, but they built themselves up through a lifetime of hard work and ended up 'upper class', for want of a better phrase. They sacrificed a hell of a lot to send my brother and I to private schools (which, I think is the UK version of public school) and I mixed with dozens of kids from extremely wealthy families. Kids that would get a BMW or Porsche for their 16th birthday etc. I had loads of friends from families who were multi millionaires or billionaires. It never really bothered me that my parents couldn't afford to give us what my friends had. Friendship is based on much, much more than 'who has what'.

One thing about having wealthy friends/connections is that it does open doors later in life. Don't deny your son that opportunity.

Most importantly, don't teach your son to be down on himself just because you guys don't have money. That's your hang up, not his. There are far more important things in life than money! Good character, empathy and kindness are much more important.

OP, I think you are getting a hard time on here. I can understand your concerns

But, I think children are generally less aware of money / status than adults, so it would be a pity to write off a potential friendship

Your parents are not upper class nor did they send you and your brother to private school through ‘a lifetime’ of hard work and sacrifice.

@MiddleParking Lol! Ok, then. I'm glad someone out there knows my life better than I know myself. You plonker!

Your parents are not upper class nor did they send you and your brother to private school through ‘a lifetime’ of hard work and sacrifice.

There's really no need.

@FireworksAreFantastic we have more than enough money and live in a big house, and most of our friends happen to have a lot less money than we do. Maybe that is partly because we are not part of the jet set, nor do we want to be.

We choose them as friends because they are amazing people who also have time for us. We aren’t thinking about house sizes when we get invited over to theirs, and we hope they aren’t either.

I agree with PPs who say it’s a real pity if your son cannot be friends with their son because they have more money than you, and because that makes you feel inferior to them in some way.. Money is not a yardstick of human worth, even though our language has been corrupted to imply that (eg “what is he worth?”) Maybe their kid, just like every other kid, wants a friend who is nice to him and has time for him

@SmokeyToo I think that @MiddleParking is just being pedantic.

If your background is not upper class, then in the UK I think it is kind of true that you are not upper-upper class, because you generally have to be born into money, preferably several generations of it (unless you marry into the Royal Family which seems to be the only shortcut!), in order to be considered truly upper class.

And unless your parents are both died as soon as your private school was paid for, it was not literally a “lifetime” of hard work and sacrifice.

But I think anyone who read you without a pedantic mindset will have understood, and probably agreed with, the essence of what you wrote. I, for one, certainly understood and agree!

Congratulations on having made your way. It can be more difficult to navigate life as a “class traveller” but if you are kind, empathetic, and of good character, while also keeping a healthy unwillingness to tolerate too much bullshit, it helps a lot!

@SmokeyToo yeah I wanted to explain that you can't be upper class if you weren't born upper class, and name some working class billionaires as examples... btw referencing PP above, Kate Middleton is still widely known as upper middle class despite being born into millions of family wealth, an elite education and a family background with hundreds of years of aristocratic ties (not blood though)... But the whole thing is rather stupid really

Lol get over yourself and let your son play with his friend. You're average and live in a house when I was a kid I was below average in a shit flat and I still had a rich friend. Who even cares

@YankeeDad and @alchemisty Thanks for the explanation. I probably should have said I'm not in the UK, for starters. But both my parents really were born to 'working class' families and did work very hard and invest wisely during their working life to become extremely wealthy. And they did sacrifice a lot to send us to top private schools along the way. No need to elaborate further, as the whole thing means jack shit anyway.

Frankly, I couldn't give a shit about what 'class' I belong to. Or what class anyone belongs to, for that matter. It's not really a thing where I live, to a large extent. Besides, I was raised never to judge a book by its cover and what people have or don't have materially means nothing to me. It's the calibre of the person that matters.

I just wanted the OP to think about denying her child a friendship and, possibly, connections that may be of benefit to him later down the track.

You're being ridiculous op.