To question rich child/average child friendship

[FireworksAreFantastic]

We are average.
Average careers.
Average income.
Smaller (much smaller ....meaning TINY) than average house.
DS aged 12 is a gorgeous boy. Bright. Funny. Intelligent. Lovely. Kind. Sociable. Active. Loves going out on his bike.
Goes to the local comp which hasn't got a great reputation.
He's been biking on his own a lot down this certain area through the countryside and keeps bumping in to another kid the same age who's also out on his bike in the same area.
Today they got talking.
Other kid lives in a gigantic double fronted detached listed building surrounded by lakes and land, and attends a public school an hour away.
We live 10 min drive away in a tiny weeny semi in a tiny close with a tiny back patio.
My DS and this kid seem to have a connection and want to swap numbers to meet up and go biking together.
Can it work???
If you send your DC to a public school and live in a country pad, would you be OK with them hanging out with a kid from the local comp who lives in a house so small it's cramped?!

Crikey op, catch a grip. My friends were from breadline to very wealthy. I was closer to breadline with caretaker dad & pt cook mum. Nobody cared. We took the piss out of our rich friends a bit & enjoyed the rare perks that came with them.

Day to day it usually makes no difference to friends how wealthy their parents are. Let them Enjoy themselves & welcome his new friend. Try not to think you're somehow inferior because you don't have as much money 💐

It's really not the issue you think it is. We are the 'better off' family in this scenario. My kids have friends who are richer and friends from a bit of a rough estate. We regard them all the same, as do my kids. My kids don't even realise to be honest. The 11 year old came home from a sleepover at her friends (who lives in a really small council house) saying how brilliant it was because they've got a wetroom and a telly in the kitchen!
If parents are nice, the kids are usually nice. The only kids I know who've ever been 'competitive' or braggy, have parents who are the same.

@MiddleParking can't believe no one did it earlier.

I actually thought this was one of those stupid pretend threads....but seems not. Although op hasn't updated. Maybe they'll be a big drip feed where the OP says how much she loves dancing.

Of course it can work, kids often don’t see the differences the way we do. For example, I’m not rich but my daughter mixes with children that come from well off families. One child came for a sleepover & thought the electric blanket on the bed was ‘fancy’ genuinely fancy & not realising it’s because I’m trying to cut down on having the central heating on 😄. Kids are great, encourage their bond & just observe. I’ve met some of the rich parents and they’ve been lovely too, it doesn’t always have to be a ‘thing’.

We are average with average jobs and can just about afford a flat in a naice area of London. DD's friends all live in Mahoosive houses and their parents have "professional" middle-class jobs. It just the area we live in, the school catchment, which has Big Nice Roads and more ordinary housing mixed together. I'm not bothered, except DD has escaped adopting a London accent, which I find weird. Her dad's a Cockney, her schooling was State, and we have Olivia Colman living in the flat.

Oh no, I cannot, just cannot do it.

I've seen the house because we've walked past and DS has said that's where he lives.
I've just checked it out online, looked at pics. It's opulent. Sheer, pure opulence.
Looking at the floorplan, their kitchen is much, much bigger than the entire footprint of the downstairs of our house!!! Just their kitchen! Then there's living rooms, lounges, a study, guestroom, music studio.....no, just no.
We can't even fit 2 people in to our kitchen at the same time. We don't have a hallway, front door goes straight in to the lounge.
Nope. Can't do this to DS. He is just going to feel completely and utterly inferior.

"Do you want to come round and play tennis in our court?"
"Umm, I cant play tennis. Parents can't afford tennis lessons."

"Are you around to go biking next week?"
"No, I'll be on a school trip to Switzerland."

"What are you doing in the summer holidays?"
"Going camping for a week. What are you doing?"
"Oh we'll be in the Maldives for 6 weeks".

Fast forward 5 years.
"I'm learning to drive. Parents are getting me a new SUV. You gonna learn to drive?"
"Might do. Don't know. Parents can't afford to buy me a car."

Anyone who thinks this is going to play out well is naive at best. Deluded at worst.

I actually met this kid on a walk through countryside with my DS. He stopped to chat to my DS. When he asked my DS where he goes to school, my DS told him the name of the local comp, and I saw this kid say "Oh, Bishopston school" and hang his head down, quickly looking at the ground, in response to where my DS goes to school. This to me showed the body language of someone who thought badly of the school, or whod heard bad things about it. It's 15 mins away from his house. Instead he travels an hour away to a private school.

Such a shame. My DS says he's a really nice boy and would love to be friends with him. But it's not worth making my DS feel rubbish for.

Provided that the other child, and their parents, understand that having more money does not make people better or more worthy of respect or admiration, I would have no concerns whatsoever about that.

Omfg get over yourself. YOU are making this an issue, not your son or the other boy. I grew up poor AF and now have friends who have kitchens bigger than my flat and massive house deposits from parents and second homes. It’s really not a big deal. If anything I get a sense of pride and achievement that they can’t feel, knowing I bought my tiny flat myself with no help or handouts.

Of course, hnless the parents are arseholes? Of it were the other way round and your house was a mansion to a new friend who lived in a poor area would it make any difference? Hopefully answer no, so just let them go ahead and don't feel intimidated, just humans with a bit more money on the surface 😉

The only person being judgemental is you. The connections your son could make through this friend could set him up for bigger things later in life.

Dont drag your child down because you think so little of yourself

My daughter competes in show jumping 🐎 Almost all her friends are kids of multi-millionaires who live in gorgeous houses/actual mansions. I'm a single mother and we live in a ground floor maisonette flat with a small garden. We're not poor, but not even close to the wealth of some of her friends. It doesn't stop her from being very popular and hanging out with them (at their places 😂).

Why on earth not!?

Kids can be a bit blunt. A few of my friends kids have asked why we have such a small television. My friends are mortified. But I find it hilarious

Nope. Can't do this to DS. He is just going to feel completely and utterly inferior.
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No, only YOU are making him feel inferior. This is really fucking annoying to read. I'll tell you something..

I grew up on a council estate. Single parent family. I loved horses and ended up getting lessons in exchange for working at a local stables, aged between 10 - 14, mucking out, cleaning tack that type of stuff.

I ended up being in demand, riding other peoples horses for them as I was so good at it. I won lots at of gymkhanas and local showjumping competitions.

Most of the kids who I rode with were much richer than me. No one cared, no one judged, no snotty parents, it was about shared interest and love of the ponies and horses.

You really need to check yourself. I'm really appalled at your attitude OP.

This has to be a wind up. It makes YOU feel inferior, not your son. Stop projecting your insecurities onto him.

With the kindest of motives....OP you are projecting !
My best friend has a mansion, I'm I rented.

I'm not going to lie, there are times when I have to rein in my potential green eyed monster.

But all in all, and I am clearly great at the reining in shit, it works brilliantly.

She'd be horrified if she could only be friends with rich people.... think about it, OP. Very very limiting, isn't it.

Just be happy that your child and the other child are happy to be friends for all the Right Reasons. None of which include money.

It's not a wind up.

Hi OP, I got a bursary and a scholarship to a private school in a very wealthy area, and therefore my single parent family on an average income was the exception, not the norm.

All my friends from school were markedly wealthier, but it never really mattered. On occasion, I was sad that I didn’t get to go on the big holidays/ got the newest trends etc etc but it was few and far between. Had much more teenage angst stuff to worry about….
I’m still extremely good friends with people from school, and how much their parents earned/ the money divide has never once had any impact on our friendships.

Wealth doesn't make a person worthy of anything more than a poor person.
He can be friends with anyone in life he feels a connection with, regardless of Wealth, Ethnicity, etc etc we are all just people.

Your scenarios are absolutely bonkers and based on nothing but your own inverted snobbery.

Also, throughout your son’s life he is going to meet people 100x wealthier than him, and people 100x worse off. That’s part of the rich (pardon the pun) tapestry of life. Restricting his social circles will do him no favours.

Oh come on! My dss have friends much richer financially than we are but honestly, I know that we have to offer are things their kids truly value that they don't get at home

sense of perspective, groundedness, our values, feeling listened to

Kids all at pricey selective private school

Best party ever?

When they were invited to camp out at the allotment of a boy who was on 100% bursary

You have lost sight of what is good, grounded and important!

My God OP, sort yourself out, this is absolute madness. It’s you, and only you, with the problem here. Get a grip.

OP, it sounds like you are making decisions about your childs friendships, which are frankly not yours to make.

Step back and allow them to play and decide for themselves like we all had to.