To question rich child/average child friendship

[FireworksAreFantastic]

We are average.
Average careers.
Average income.
Smaller (much smaller ....meaning TINY) than average house.
DS aged 12 is a gorgeous boy. Bright. Funny. Intelligent. Lovely. Kind. Sociable. Active. Loves going out on his bike.
Goes to the local comp which hasn't got a great reputation.
He's been biking on his own a lot down this certain area through the countryside and keeps bumping in to another kid the same age who's also out on his bike in the same area.
Today they got talking.
Other kid lives in a gigantic double fronted detached listed building surrounded by lakes and land, and attends a public school an hour away.
We live 10 min drive away in a tiny weeny semi in a tiny close with a tiny back patio.
My DS and this kid seem to have a connection and want to swap numbers to meet up and go biking together.
Can it work???
If you send your DC to a public school and live in a country pad, would you be OK with them hanging out with a kid from the local comp who lives in a house so small it's cramped?!

why wouldn’t they be friends if they “click”?

Why are you being so narrow minded?

of course they can be friends. I’m delighted when ds befriends someone from the local comp at one of his extra curricular clubs. I don’t want him to think that everyone lives in massive detached houses.

Seriously? We are reasonably well off, but not super wealthy, kids are privately educated. DD is friends with a rich classmate (multi-million house, 2 pools, holidays abroad every half term) and also with a couple of girls from her football team from the rather rough council estate down the road. They are kids, they do notice differences but it doesn't stop them being friends.

I agree. My summers used to be pretty lonely due to that.

that’s why I used to be so keen on summer camp.

Nah I want to see how that conversation plays out.

Sorry jimmy, you can't hang out with Quentin, his house is too big.

I don't let my daughter's hang out with the next door neighbours, they don't have an ensuite or walk in wardrobe.

TBH if you couldn't be friends with someone because they have obvious low self-esteem/self worth and worry about their child getting invested in a friendship then being hurt when it suddenly evaporates, that says a lot more about you than the OP.

OP I grew up on a council estate and went to a very middle class school out of the area. Some kids with lots of money were lovely and I even got invited to a sleepover at a quite fancy 4 bedroom detached house in one of the extremely posh villages near the school. I remember going home and telling my mum about how this house's main living room was bigger than our entire house, and how they had three living rooms!

Some kids with lots of money were horrible and mercilessly teased me. I'll never forget this total arsehole pointing at my Kwik Save No Frills crisps at lunch and shouting, "You eat shit crisps!" at the top of their voice when I was 12. Peak twat, really.

With the decent kids, I actually had no idea how much money they had until I went round their houses or they left for private school. In the case of your son, if the friendship has developed naturally to this point, then they like each other for who they are, and I don't think it will fizzle for financial reasons if you're all decent people.

We live in a very naice town these days. I sometimes get the slight unease of feeling "I don't belong here" when I take DS to playdates (there was one on a private road in a bloody mansion last month and their parents drive a fecking Bentley, and I never even saw a Bentley in my life until we moved here last year), but I tell myself to stop being silly and that the kids don't even know what this stuff costs. Then I go home and tell DH all about the fancy houses DS's friends have and we talk Rightmove or career planning for a bit and think about how we can get ahead a little more for ourselves.

Just give the kids the time and space to get to know each other, and if you're worried, maybe make the first move and invite the other boy to your house early so you can see for yourself that they're totally fine in your surroundings.

It's just another form of imposter syndrome.

Kids don't care about crap like that and you shouldn't either

Of course they can be friends.

I was the “poor child” among my friends. The only thing that actually affected my friendships at any point was the fact that my parents didn’t allow me to have any friends in my house. No dinners after school, no play dates, no sleepovers etc. If they came to the door to ask if I was going out to play my parents wouldn’t even invite them in while I got my shoes etc on. And I was never allowed to do anything for my birthdays.

I was always invited to things at their houses. As I got older and noticed it more, I’d feel guilty accepting the invitation knowing that I couldn’t return the invite so I’d often purposely leave myself out of things.

They don’t care about the size of houses. Be warm and welcoming to any friends.

We're fortunate in having a pool and tennis court but when my kids were younger, they'd go to their friends' houses and rave about their trampolines or PlayStations. Kids do not see differences in house size etc in the way adults do.

The only thing I'd say is that it's a shame when people seem embarrassed about having a smaller house and never reciprocate invites. Sometimes I feel I'm always hosting (which I don't mind as it's nice to see the kids enjoying being together) but when there's not been a single invite in over five years, it does occasionally start to rankle.

DC are both at private school, they have loads of friends from all sorts of backgrounds that they’ve made through out of school clubs. I think that’s completely normal isn’t it?

Yes but your child is living proof that it can work!

Agree with the PPs who’ve said that kids who go to private/boarding schools often don’t have local friends. I remember the school holidays being long and lonely because all my school friends were so scattered. I would imagine the other child’s family will be over the moon that their son has a local friend to hang out with. Please encourage your son to swap numbers with the other boy, sounds like they’ve clicked and will have a great time together.

Are you Liverpool based, with a cracking singing voice? If so, I'd keep them apart....won't end well.

Otherwise, let them crack on.

We live in a bog standard semi in a not very glamorous area. My son goes to a bog standard state school.

However, he plays cricket and a lot of his teammates are much better off. His best friend from cricket is particularly wealthy. Goes to a very exclusive boarding school. It is not an issue at all. They are boys with a shared interest who get on well.

We live in the “ big “ house in our village (that’s what it’s called locally) if we required all our friends/daughters friends to have houses of a similar size we would have precisely zero friends. Houses mean nothing it’s the people inside that count, it’s fantastic they both get on let them get on with it!

The things OPs post on here.

I’ve been well off …

I am currently skint.

my friends are still the same people.

What's the problem?

I have multi-millionaire friends, aristocrat friends, friends who have to count every penny and everything inbetween. We are average salary and house. My friends are my friends because they are kind, funny, interesting and we have lots in common. The only issue is being careful about what we do. Not picking costly activities and meet-ups for my friends with less and suggesting cheaper options to the friends that splash the cash.

Stop with the working class reverse snobbery. They are children. Be careful you dont cause your son to feel inferior/'not as good as'.

Yes it can work. In DC's friendship group one family owns several houses and a yacht. A proper millionaire-style yacht not a boat with a sail. And another family owns two castles. We live in a pretty shabby house and have very little money, some of the friendship group are on a par with us - not that wealthy and the rest are richer. None of them care. What they care about is making each other laugh and supporting each other when they have a tough time or celebrating successes. They are lovely boys and have been friends since they were about 12.

of course they can be friends

My children go to independant school, live in a large house, and are good friends with so many children who go to state schools and live in smaller houses than ours.

I couldnt care less which school / what type of home their friends live in, and i'd be mortified if anyone thought their children were not worthy to be friends with mine because of the school I send them to and home they live in.

Let them exchange numbers, be friends and hang out together.

(I went to state school myself so no judgement at all about which school people send their children to, and a grew up in a house much smaller than the home I live in now)

why shouldn't it work. They don't judge each other so why should you? Don't let your attitude spoil a friendship. they are kids.

Children see things in a really different way to adults. I grew up in a house like that and had friends with much smaller houses, which I thought were lovely!

Fuck sake I was checking to make sure no one had done this joke before posting it and got nearly to the end of the thread before it appeared. Day ruined.