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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddlers and TV

121 replies

witchbitch22 · 03/11/2023 11:45

18 month old dd has recently discovered CBeebies. She doesn't watch it a lot but she is pretty full on and this is the only thing that keeps her quiet and sitting still for half an hour. We've also found that she really loves Moon and Me on the bedtime hour and it seems to help her chill and wind down before bed.

She isn't sat in front of the TV all day. We go out a lot to classes, swimming, parks etc and even on wet days will go for a walk at least once. But I'm only human and sometimes I just want to sit and have a rest and a coffee!

I've also had to relent and let her watch videos on my phone while we've been out for meals recently. Again, this is something I swore I wouldn't do but she simply won't sit still and when we are in cafes our out for lunch I would rather let her watch 15 minutes of Miss Rachel so I can finish my meal than have her running around disturbing people.

I see a lot of people on MN claim that they are 'no screen households' and I guess I feel bad that I am using TV (albeit very moderately) to get some peace now and then. Is it ok for half hour periods alongside an active lifestyle?

OP posts:
Ilovenicnacs · 04/11/2023 09:34

A bit of screen time is ok. Most adults probably watched a bit of Sesame Street or Playbus when they were toddlers. It's only a problem when it starts replacing interactions from you, as a means of pacifying or is just too often.

Razorcroft · 04/11/2023 09:37

TV is fine at home. We watch a fair bit, 30 mins to an hour a day. But it stays in the house and is turned off. It can’t come with us and can’t be a distraction.

Absolutely no phones or iPads at dinner tables for us though. iPads come out on short haul plane journeys where there is no entertainment system.

Anecdotally have seen loads of issues and tantrums caused by toddlers knowing that Peppa Pig and Miss Rachel is always a click away in mummy’s pocket.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/11/2023 09:42

Mine were little before tablets and phones were a thing but they did sit and watch Cbeebies bedtime hour with their milk and biscuit before going up to bed for a story. It was part of their routine and calmed them down before bedtime. We would also watch a film now and then. We never had TV on just as a background thing though and for a large part of their childhood we didn't have a TV at all.

I do feel that screens - especially when parents are out and about ie shopping might be having a detrimental effect on speech and language. You had to get the children to 'help' before mobile screens were a thing to stop them getting bored so they were exposed to language and the names of products etc. Parents talked to them more to keep them engaged. Yes it was hard work!

Ididivfama · 04/11/2023 09:48

It’s fine honestly. Just limit as much as you can to when you really need it. Also don’t underestimate the benefits of boredom. It’s ok to just let them on the floor with some toys and slump down next to them. Really hard to do but it’s really good for them to sit and play independently. It takes practise but is really important. You don’t need to be ‘on’.

Honestmama · 04/11/2023 09:58

Give yourself a break! Why is tv such a bad thing? As long as they socialise and aren’t on it all day long then it’s fine! You’re the mum! Don’t let anyone else’s opinion matter!

maratara · 04/11/2023 10:02

Do all the anti-screen parents have any adult children who have been adversely affected. Mine haven't. It reminds me of the parents of the 1950's thinking that rock music was the end of the world. Everything in moderation. Don't stress. Also interactive games with friends are social and develop huge computer skills which I think we all know is the way of the very near future.
Just read to them at night, and when they can read give them fabulous books to read themselves.

Kitchendisco1 · 04/11/2023 10:04

My DD was a toddler during the pandemic when we were both working. She is also autistic & screen time can be helpful for her to regulate. I used to worry more about it like you but I think it’s partly about balance & partly needs must. It depends a lot on your child & situation. I honestly thing the right sort of TV/ games/ apps can be very good for development & you shouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water. It isn’t as simple as screen time= bad.

glittereyelash · 04/11/2023 10:35

I never put limits on screen time. I find because my son can watch whenever he wants he's not that bothered. Some days he will watch for hours and then might not want to watch for a few days in a row.

Original poster
witchbitch22 · 04/11/2023 10:41

Thanks for all the reassuring comments. I always thought MN was fiercely against screens so it's been refreshing Grin

I agree phones at the table while out isn't ideal but it really is a last resort after books, crayons, walks around the venue (this is usually counter productive as once she's out of the high chair she never wants to go back in!!) have all been used. We don't eat out that often but I do enjoy a pub lunch once in a while and it just buys us a but of time.

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 04/11/2023 11:16

I've no limits on tv or screens and we have no battles or issues about them. It's not a bit treat so often they aren't bothered at all and will usually play other stuff. Obviously on a miserable winters day they might watch their tablet more than on a lovely sunny day. I honestly wouldn't stress over it.

Caspianberg · 04/11/2023 11:19

I think for the general population it must just even out. Ds has spent most the summer outside with very little screen time. When it’s freezing cold, raining and dark at 4pm in December he’s more likely to watch something

hookline · 04/11/2023 11:24

witchbitch22 · 04/11/2023 10:41

Thanks for all the reassuring comments. I always thought MN was fiercely against screens so it's been refreshing Grin

I agree phones at the table while out isn't ideal but it really is a last resort after books, crayons, walks around the venue (this is usually counter productive as once she's out of the high chair she never wants to go back in!!) have all been used. We don't eat out that often but I do enjoy a pub lunch once in a while and it just buys us a but of time.

I don't see the big deal allowing them a bit of tablet time while you want to do something you enjoy - have an extended pub lunch in peace.

With mine I just try to get them to be busy with their food for as long as possible / drawings and toys etc, but if we want to stay a little bit longer and they're getting restless, they can watch a few episodes of peppa while we enjoy ourselves.

Everything is constantly centred around them and their educational / developmental needs ( as it should be ).

If a couple of hour lunch once in a while is what we need to recharge, they can chill and watch their tablet and wait until we are done.

My H and I really enjoy going out for meals and that's how we relax and we like to take our children with us most of the time. They just adapt.

HaplessRhombus · 04/11/2023 11:33

My son has been watching CBeebies since he was about six months old. Mainly on in the background in the morning while he did other things, but sometimes he sat and watched it properly. From nine months, he'd watch about an hour of it before bed.

He's now two and completely average or maybe even a bit advanced with his speech and understanding. He uses what he sees on TV in his independent playing, so if anything it's benefitted him.

As long as they're getting plenty of other interactive time with people, even an hour or two a day won't make that much difference. The only moral judgement I'd make is if you spent zero quality time with him.

BogHag · 04/11/2023 12:02

It’s fine. Too much isn’t good for them, but some screen time as part of a varied life which involves lots of play, activity and outside time is absolutely not a problem. Your child’s life sounds well balanced, I wouldn’t worry at all.

WaltzingWaters · 04/11/2023 12:05

A little bit of tv is fine. It’s just that some parents will have it on all day in the background.

TheJubileePortrait · 04/11/2023 12:05

We have no tv under 2 in our house and max 1 hour a day after 2.

We also don’t use screens when out and about. We have always taken the kids to restaurants; we just taught them how to behave in a public place and have always been able to have nice meals.

I do definitely judge when I see parents using screens out and about. I think it shows a lack of effort and engagement and will just make the problem persist so they still can’t sit nicely and behave at 5/6/7.

Daniki · 04/11/2023 12:07

You have to do you! My son watches tv in the evening after Creche, it gives me time to cook dinner (otherwise he clings to my leg or wants me to hold him 😂) and he winds down watching it. Then we have dinner, he has a bath, plays for a bit and bed time! Works for us!

Swirls346 · 04/11/2023 12:08

It's absolutely fine. My son is 22 months, most days has about half hour tv , other days none, other days much more. What's more important is that you are going out and they are playing etc, a bit of tv is fine.
Toddlers don't sit well in cafes but top tip- I take one of those etch e sketch for him to draw on and some books and sticker and crayons- it keeps him entertained for a bit

margotrose · 04/11/2023 12:10

witchbitch22 · 04/11/2023 10:41

Thanks for all the reassuring comments. I always thought MN was fiercely against screens so it's been refreshing Grin

I agree phones at the table while out isn't ideal but it really is a last resort after books, crayons, walks around the venue (this is usually counter productive as once she's out of the high chair she never wants to go back in!!) have all been used. We don't eat out that often but I do enjoy a pub lunch once in a while and it just buys us a but of time.

It's fine OP, honestly.

I suspect most of the posters raised without screens would have been given a tablet if they'd existed thirty years ago Wink

Aramist · 04/11/2023 12:27

It's the world we live in now though isn't it? Screens are part of everyone's lives now.

My DD (4) watches TV probably more than she should but she still plays with toys, goes out and about, goes to soft play/playgrounds.
My worst habit is giving her the tablet while I snooze if it's too early to get up...I probably shouldn't be doing that, but I don't lose sleep over it (in fact, I gain it 😜).

People can get very uptight about screens but in all honesty there are plenty of hours in the day. Children don't need to use up all their waking hours doing something educational. They're allowed a bit of downtime from that watching some rubbish on TV.

Mumof2boys999 · 04/11/2023 12:48

Of course it's ok. You're doing a great job

Haydug · 04/11/2023 12:58

glittereyelash · 04/11/2023 10:35

I never put limits on screen time. I find because my son can watch whenever he wants he's not that bothered. Some days he will watch for hours and then might not want to watch for a few days in a row.

I feel like this is similar with my son. Because he's used to TV, it often bores him and he'll start playing instead.

At my son's birthday party we had TV for music (it was a YouTube upload of Disney songs I think, so the kids could watch as well as listen). It was very noticeable how the family who have limited screen time were gawping at the TV. The other children weren't interested.

Sundownmemories · 04/11/2023 13:04

This is only a first child problem. Once you have another child the TV will be the least of your worries. Nothing wrong with a bit of TV and honestly it was on all the time in our house. I had 2 under 2 and needed it. Not to mention the fact that I like background noise and want to watch some TV myself! Honestly not a big deal at all.
Regarding a phone at the table, if it means you can finish a meal in peace and it brings you some joy then why not? Toddlers aren’t really capable of engaging in a sensible quiet conversation, once they get a bit older you can work on that. We’ve had meals out with tablets and without and I do prefer the ones without because if my child loses a game on a tablet the whole restaurant will know about it.
Honestly, pick your battles. This isn’t one of them.

FosterMommy13 · 04/11/2023 15:21

Mariposista · 03/11/2023 12:27

TV (very very occasionally and supervised by us), fine. Phone - an absolute NO.

I agree with this line of thinking. A bit of screen time at home is one thing if they enjoy it and it’s limited but I absolutely hate seeing kids, especially little ones aged 1/2/3/4 being given phones to watch stuff on when out and about :-(

letloz · 04/11/2023 19:05

You do you. Don't let everyone else on here tell you what should work for your family/kids