Toddlers and TV

[witchbitch22]

18 month old dd has recently discovered CBeebies. She doesn't watch it a lot but she is pretty full on and this is the only thing that keeps her quiet and sitting still for half an hour. We've also found that she really loves Moon and Me on the bedtime hour and it seems to help her chill and wind down before bed.

She isn't sat in front of the TV all day. We go out a lot to classes, swimming, parks etc and even on wet days will go for a walk at least once. But I'm only human and sometimes I just want to sit and have a rest and a coffee!

I've also had to relent and let her watch videos on my phone while we've been out for meals recently. Again, this is something I swore I wouldn't do but she simply won't sit still and when we are in cafes our out for lunch I would rather let her watch 15 minutes of Miss Rachel so I can finish my meal than have her running around disturbing people.

I see a lot of people on MN claim that they are 'no screen households' and I guess I feel bad that I am using TV (albeit very moderately) to get some peace now and then. Is it ok for half hour periods alongside an active lifestyle?

@Duechristmas yes exactly. Or we like to take the toddler for a walk to see the pictures on the wall etc while waiting for the food.

I had a toddler during lockdown when we were trying to work. I can assure you he watched a LOT of TV. He's now nearly 5 and appears to be fine, loves a screen but also loves many other non-screen activities. I actually miss Cbeebies as he's aged out of a lot of it!

We don't do screens at restaurants though - we take toys and colouring books. When he was younger one of us would take him outside for a run around, or we'd give him snacks rather than waiting for his food. Though admittedly I wasn't taking an 18 month old to restaurants because they were all shut.

We don’t limit screen time. DS is 2.5 and has watched at least some TV every day since he was about a year old. I’d say he probably averages about 2 hours a day, and we switch it off as soon as he’s not watching it anymore for the electricity bill more than anything. If he asks for it on again a bit later though we oblige. He likes to have music on in the background when he’s playing too. We don’t do paw patrol or peppa or anything highly stimulating, we do numberblocks, colour blocks, duggee, alphabet songs, super simple songs etc.

While he’s watching we interact with him and get him to chat to us about what he’s seeing and we laugh with him at funny bits etc, so I suppose we use it as a stimulus for learning and interaction.

When we go out we take toys etc to play with and if he’s in the mood, we can go through a meal with no screen but occasionally if he’s hungry and the food is taking a while, I’ll put the phone in front of him and we’ll narrate what’s happening on the screen like we do at home (no sound on).

I do draw the line at iPads, I think a large screen close to their face this young is far far too stimulating and addictive.

DS is incredibly sociable and can concentrate on tasks for an unusually long time. He plays with toys extensively and loves imaginative play. He knows his alphabet and can recognise all his letters and numbers by sight. We have started phonics, and he can sound out simple words based in the letters he sees which is his precursor to reading. He can count to 100 in blocks of 10 (learned that from duggee!). He’s got an extensive vocab and can talk in short sentences. He can also write some letters although we’re working on this! He has a collection of about 25 songs he can sing and knows all the words to, I’d say at least 15 of those he’s learned from super simple songs. He loves the outdoors, we’re out and about most days. We read books AND we watch TV, and he’s brilliant.

People wear ‘no screen time’ like it’s something to be proud of which is fine, but there’s no evidence to suggest that anything other than excessive screen time in any way hampers development, so don’t worry. Do what works!

My child probably watches too much tv some days but as long as I’m satisfied that this isn’t detrimental to other things such as reading and playing games I’m pretty chill with it. However I’ve never allowed devices in cafes or restaurants, my take is that if she can’t sit still then it is the adult’s responsibility to change the situation. I do take colouring, books etc to keep entertained. Your daughter is quite young to be expected to sit through a meal etc. I always made sure I got a coffee by going to soft play and having a cuppa while she pottered about.

I really don’t get why screen time is so demonised. We live in a modern age where screens for most are an integral part of every day life. Obviously there is a balance, but what you’ve described is minimal screen time and won’t do any harm to your child. My DD is 16 months and has had some form of screen time every day since she was very small. She has 150+ words she can use in context, and I’m a firm believer that some of her screen time as well as myself talking and teaching her has helped this. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s perfectly reasonable to need a cup of coffee in peace sometimes! I also use the phone for her sometimes if we’re in the car or at a restaurant, and believe me when I was pregnant I was adamant I wouldn’t be one of ‘those’ mums while eating out, which was so judgemental of me and wrong. We all do what we need to do and it’s really not the end of the world to let your LO watch an educational programme for a short while so you can eat!

We do.
its just me and DP for childcare. Alternating while the other one works. Very rarely if we work at the same time, one of our mums will have him but this happens less than 10 times per year. To keep our sanity yes we allow our toddler (age 2) to watch tv. So we can breathe. Alternating between work and a toddler, you need down time. I also take him out a lot. Swimming, play places, park, soft play. Surely it’s about balance. Just like food.

we have before allowed a screen out for dinner. I will not allow it when we go for a walk in a pushchair or round town. There’s enough for him to look at

Ideally I wanted no TV until 2 for my LO but the reality is I have/need/want to get other stuff done whilst he’s awake and TV helps.

Some days we have zero TV and other days I suspect it may be on for up to 2 hours (2 days a week) on/off in his grandparents but they’re kindly looking after him so I have no qualms about it! My LO is 17 months, he has loads of variety in his day, is saying a lot of words, very engaged and coming on well so I don’t believe it’s impacted his speech or development - although I know evidence shows it can its also dependent on what other opportunities they’re getting.

We do have some boundaries - like no TV in the 2 hours before bed, we don’t use it when out having a meal (but I wouldn’t say I’ll never use it and we did on a plane!) and I try to limit it to 2 episodes of Teletubbies or whatever he’s watching more so there’s established boundaries when he gets to an age where he can ask for it.

Is it ok for half hour periods alongside an active lifestyle?

Of course it is.

I personally draw the line at iPads in restaurants/cafes though, simply because I don't want the habit.

Hi @witchbitch22
My son is telly obsessed. We always have it on In the back ground regardless what we are doing and it's normally always stuff he likes to watch like fireman sam or paw patrol. He is nearly 4. He will watch for ten mins then play etc. He has hit all milestones, talks perfectly well and I have no issues.

Definitely go for more age appropriately learning things to watch and I'm sure all will be well. X

Mine watched tv with no limits but we’re naturally very busy people so it was self limiting anyway. My eldest is a solicitor, my second eldest at uni and my third doing very well in school. I’d say to not overthink it and create very stringent rules that you are disappointed when you break them. You know what’s right or wrong so just parent from your heart.

Just make sure the subtitles are on! https://turnonthesubtitles.org/

OP don't worry about it.

We went out the other day with a family who have kids the same age as ours ( 3 and 1 ).

Everyone had crayons and toys for the first bit, but when the kids started getting bored and trying to run around - everyone got their screens out. In the end we ate in peace and the children watched a couple of episodes of peppa pig.

Most parents I know, use screens sometimes.

I just don't care if someone judges.

But I also never swore I wouldn't use them or judged other parents for using them. I don't really understand why you'd judge parents for using screens. You don't know why / how much and what is going on in their lives. Just live and let live.

FYI my youngest doesn't care much about screens and tv time. He's way too busy exploring. He may watch did 5 minutes but then he wonders off.

I used the tv/phone/iPad to entertain my first from about the age of 14 months, when I got pregnant with my second it was a lifesaver as I felt so rough and needed more rest! My second started taking an interest in it from about that age too. It doesn’t seem to have done them any damage. In fact I found many of the things they watched were educational and fired their imaginations.

I have never felt the need to use a screen when eating out. I find the way to keep them happy at the table is to engage with them. If you want to sit there and ignore them while you enjoy an adult chat then I can see why you’d need to give them a screen, but I think it’s nice to include them in the chat. If you want an adult meal out then get a babysitter. Meals out when they were really little weren’t much fun so we didn’t do it much.

Something I don’t like or understand is households where the tv is on all the time in the background, even when nobody is watching it. I don’t think that’s good for anyone.

Is it ok for half hour periods alongside an active lifestyle?

no study has found screentime to have any negative impact on development. Except one that vaguely found that kids watching TV, with no other activities offered, for over 10hrs a day, every day, were less likely to want to do other activities without an adult to guide them. Even that study has been wildly discredited as the kids sampled were all literally neglected and removed from parental care etc.

So basically, if you're leaving your kid in front of a telly for 10plus hours a day and neglecting them in other ways, yeah it might cause a slight delay in your kids independent play.

I'm a developmental specialist and we're an "unlimited" screen time house. I grew up in the same, and I never sit in front of the telly, regularly don't check my phone for a day etc.
My DD doesn't have much screen time despite me not limiting it- we're just usually busy doing other things. Sometimes we'll watch TV in the morning and a movie in the afternoon, sometimes she has no screen time for 5 days.. just depends what's going on.
And frankly, watching something educational for 15mins at the end of a meal? Just as educational as sitting listening to adult conversation or colouring tbh!

It's fine. I only see people panic about screen time on here tbh - in real life every parent I know uses TV to help them get stuff done.

My parents were super strict on a lot of things but even they used kids TV to get an extra hour in bed in the mornings

Stop comparing yourself, you have a long many years ahead in Motherhood, stop questioning or doubting yourself, you don’t deserve it. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job with DD.
my LG has never really needed a screen when out (we are one of the lucky ones) she is just calm and chill and a 5 min walk round the pub/cafe/restaurant would satisfy her to sit for 20 mins again. However, my niece is a different ball game! After a couple of hours of all taking it in turns to ensure she doesn’t die (they did not get a calm one!) we all use the phone screen for 20-30 mins so we can enjoy our coffees at the end.
we watch tele at home, but it’s not on all the time. 20 min twice a day maybe and make sure it’s something age appropriate.
for eg today it’s Saturday morning, we’re giving Daddy a lie in so we’ve come down and she is having her breakfast snuggling me on the sofa whilst watching Peppa Pig for half hour whilst I have a tea in my pj’s. It’s a lovely chill start to the day when the rest of the week rushing around and I refuse to feel guilty about it. You’re doing nothing wrong IMO.

@witchbitch22 I haven't read all the comments but just came in here to say it sounds like you've got a very healthy balance and she's a lucky girl to have so many activities too. Pre our little girl being born we said the same 'no phones'. But reality hit in when our girl came and became a toddler and as a last resort when out for dinner (after colouring books, etc not working) we do give her the phone, but not while eating. But one thing we realised when she was 2 ish was to remove you tube as there's so much rubbish on there that she was watching, even the kids you tube. Kids amaze you at how quickly they can navigate your phone.

Sounds like you're doing a great job with her ❤️

I love this, we rapidly became a no meals out household 🤣 or if going out for extended family so we take the iPads and headphones, couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks

Do what works for you. When DS5 was a toddler, I would never have showered or made a meal without TV. He also used to wake at 5 am (every morning for two years), so would need downtime by 10am. I was a SAHM, DH worked away and family were 300 miles away. At the same time, my friend boasted about how her DS (one year older than mine) didn’t watch TV. She was out of the house over 50 hours a week and had live-in childcare from her mother and MIL. She lost her job right before the pandemic and her DS soon became a screen junkie. Her rule was only easy when she wasn’t there to enforce it.

Don’t worry OP. I mean, i had my mat leave in lockdown so my son is used to watching a lot of tv.

He also at nursery (which he loves) 8 hours a day so i think some downtime afterwards in front of the tv is fine. It has also helped his speech in some ways.

He still loves other things as well, his favourite things are books and going out.

We don’t do screen time at the table though, but tbh we don’t take him out to eat as he doesn’t sit down for long. We use the ipad just for when he goes for a haircut (which he hates) or once towards the end of a 4 hour car journey.

None of my mum friends have a ‘no screen time’ rule either.

I think you’ve got a good balance of activities. And I think the stuff on TV is more educational these days.

My DD wasn’t even two and she came up to me and did the sign for ‘friends’ (Mr Tumble).

I do think TV is one of the reasons they’re so clever. They certainly didn’t get it from me 😉

Los, we did a similar thing, but we worked our way up the ladder. We started our "eating out" at McDonald's and we aspired to Frankie and Benny's 😂.

I need to watch Bluey so I make the kids (2 and 6) watch it with me 🤣

Seriously though, we do days out (parks, zoo, NT type places, Legoland etc), play games etc, but we also have some screen time. If it’s a wet weekend/school holiday day then they prob have more screen time (stick a film on Disney plus or watch a lot of Bluey) than a nice day where we can be outside for longer, then I take them to the local zoo that we have membership for or similar.

Excessive screen use isn't great for any of us let alone a toddler. At this age I let DD was maximum 20 minutes a day, sometimes less sometimes none. There is always better things they could be doing.

Saying that, it's very common for people to go the other way and have it on all day as background noise, which is definitely a lot more damaging than what you're doing.

So I'd say, look at the advice and then think about what is best for you and best for your daughter and find a middle ground that suits you.

The screens in the restaurant/cafe thing, we have absolutely never done this. But tbf I have the kind of child that will usually take a lot of pleasure in people watching and enjoying the food, I know a lot of children aren't like it. I would manage things around my child I.e. is the cafe the best place for me to take them, are they actually being that disruptive, can I give them something else to do without a screen, can I include them in the conversation so they don't feel left out.

Please try not to feel bad! We had baby tv on in the background when my daughter was little all the time. Also I’m pretty sure she had lots of tv at my in-laws who used to watch her 3 times a week while I worked. I even used it in the car so she wouldn’t fall asleep on the drive home! As she got older, we got in a routine of shorter screen time (a little in the morning and a little after dinner) and she turned out just fine. At 9 she has great focus at school and is a very active and social child with many interests. She doesn’t expect or ask for lots of screen time. Moderation is good but do what works for your family :) as long as she’s getting lots of interaction, outdoor time and interesting activities, don’t feel bad for having down time.