Page 5 | AIBU to not want my partner on the mortgage

Pizfufffff · 2023-11-03T09:59:35+00:00

Me and my partner have a baby. We are not married. Ever since we found out I was pregnant we decided to save up to get a home. The thing is she's now a year old and he hasnt saved barely anything whereas I have saved almost 40k. My entire pregnancy we were arguing about saving up every month. He would always come up with an excuse as to why he wasn't saving. He would send money and then take it back claiming he had this or that to pay. A few months ago he got really moody and said he was sick of feeling like he doesn't have any money when he works so hard and in anger I said " fine I don't want a penny towards the deposit anymore I will do it myself and we will just move out without you". He hasn't contributed since. However from recent comments I can see he is obviously expecting to move into the new home with us and obviously I would want him there as I do love him he is just useless with money and clearly irresponsible as he knows whatever happens I will deal with it in the end. I've told him that I don't want him on the mortgage and my dad has agreed to go on as co-owner. So he can come and live with us as a tenant I don't think it's fair that while I haven't had a penny to myself for 2, years scrimping and saving he essentially spends all his money as he wishes and there will be no consequences. He says I'm being unfair as I earn more than him. But after he pays for all his share of outgoings he still has 1.5k a month to himself and could have helped me with the deposit a bit? He has saved 2.3k in 2 years. As this has been such a big point of contention I'm unable to look at it without bias. Am I being unreasonable.

CatOnTheCludgy · 04/11/2023 08:59

Do not get married. Don't have him on the mortgage.

Riverlee · 04/11/2023 10:17

“ I also do the majority of the food shopping and most of the babies things “

and in the original list, it says he says he has 1.5k after everything has been accounted for.

Therefore, he has 1.5k spending money, every month. Ie. £15000 + a year, £30000 + over two years, and he has saved £2.3k.

Joyonacake · 04/11/2023 10:42

How is this helpful?

Findinganewme · 04/11/2023 15:10

Take the red warning signals and act fast. I would absolutely not have him on the mortgage. Do not live with him. Do not marry him. Watch your back.

Ineedaholidaynowplease · 04/11/2023 15:30

@Soontobe60 you clearly haven't been on any online mortgage calculators recently if you think someone on 4k NET (approx 70k ish ) can only borrow so little. OP would need very high outgoings to only borrow 120k....someone on 30k would be able to borrow that.

OP, you have done really well to save so much in such a short time. You would be right to protect it. If you do buy with your DP, I would definitely make sure you are tenants in common and that your deposit is just yours, as a % of the value rather than the 40k to protect you In the event the house value increases.

Ineedaholidaynowplease · 04/11/2023 15:30

@Soontobe60 you clearly haven't been on any online mortgage calculators recently if you think someone on 4k NET (approx 70k ish ) can only borrow so little. OP would need very high outgoings to only borrow 120k....someone on 30k would be able to borrow that.

OP, you have done really well to save so much in such a short time. You would be right to protect it. If you do buy with your DP, I would definitely make sure you are tenants in common and that your deposit is just yours, as a % of the value rather than the 40k to protect you In the event the house value increases.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 04/11/2023 15:57

YANBU. Your DP is irresponsible and his actions show that
Do not put him on the mortgage or marry him, as he might not show commitment and shared values with you going forward
Your Dad probably has the measure of him
Protect yourself and do not let him take advantage

Zanatdy · 04/11/2023 16:05

Have you checked you can afford the repayments? 300k mortgage with the rates right now is a lot per month, be well over half your salary.

Soontobe60 · 04/11/2023 16:19

Ineedaholidaynowplease · 04/11/2023 15:30

@Soontobe60 you clearly haven't been on any online mortgage calculators recently if you think someone on 4k NET (approx 70k ish ) can only borrow so little. OP would need very high outgoings to only borrow 120k....someone on 30k would be able to borrow that.

OP, you have done really well to save so much in such a short time. You would be right to protect it. If you do buy with your DP, I would definitely make sure you are tenants in common and that your deposit is just yours, as a % of the value rather than the 40k to protect you In the event the house value increases.

I assumed that the OP earned 4K gross a month.

Soontobe60 · 04/11/2023 16:25

Ineedaholidaynowplease · 04/11/2023 15:30

@Soontobe60 you clearly haven't been on any online mortgage calculators recently if you think someone on 4k NET (approx 70k ish ) can only borrow so little. OP would need very high outgoings to only borrow 120k....someone on 30k would be able to borrow that.

OP, you have done really well to save so much in such a short time. You would be right to protect it. If you do buy with your DP, I would definitely make sure you are tenants in common and that your deposit is just yours, as a % of the value rather than the 40k to protect you In the event the house value increases.

So with a £300k mortgage on 5% interest the repayments are almost half her income.
With an income of £60k, and childcare to pay for, she would struggle to be able to borrow more than £250k.

Original poster

Pizfufffff · 04/11/2023 16:32

Soontobe60 · 04/11/2023 16:25

So with a £300k mortgage on 5% interest the repayments are almost half her income.
With an income of £60k, and childcare to pay for, she would struggle to be able to borrow more than £250k.

Show quote history

Ah, this is all very disheartening :( 300k is the lowest you can find a house in or around our area. Maybe I will have to put my house dream on hold for now, hopefully one day the interest rates will fall and I will be able to buy a home.

OP posts:

Whatonearth07957 · 04/11/2023 18:31

Cohabitation agreement. House solely in yours and your dad's names. Rent and a third of bills. Done. If he doesn't like it he can rent himself and pay CM.

theduchessofspork · 04/11/2023 18:34

Do not put him on the mortgage

Go and see a solicitor to make sure that by paying you rent he doesn’t have a claim on the house

Personally I wouldn’t have him move in, because when you get fed up with him (and you will) he may be hard to evict.

Friendfoe1 · 04/11/2023 18:35

I’d give him his 2.3k back and do it alone.

HamBone · 04/11/2023 18:49

I can completely see your point, OP, but is he going to contribute to the mortgage payments? If he pays rent to you without a lease, he’ll be a lodger with no rights, which legally seems illogical from his perspective as you could make him homeless any time(not emotionally, of course, I’m sure he wants to be with and your baby).

If he’s going to be contributing to your mortgage repayments, I personally think he should be on the deeds, despite not saving up for the deposit.

For context, I put down the entire deposit on our house, but my DH has made the majority of the mortgage payments(we’re both on the mortgage and the deeds).
My salary mainly covers other bills. Yes, it was a risk doing this, but he’s more than repaid my deposit at this point.

Again, I can completely see your logic to co-own with your Dad instead, but I can also see why your DP may decide to rent elsewhere as he’ll have zero security being your lodger.

snackatack · 04/11/2023 19:25

If you decide not to put him on the mortgage that is fine.. but if he moves in and lives with you .. he may have a claim to half the house when you spilt.

Hibiscrubbed · 04/11/2023 19:51

Well, I wouldn’t let the useless twat anywhere near my new home, but that’s me. If you do, get your home and deposit legally bound up tighter than a tight thing. His entitlement is showing…