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Original poster

Found another message from the same woman i told him to stop the contact with

105 replies

Annnemarrrie · 03/11/2023 07:15

Hi everyone. Unfortunately I am back here again posting to all of you. I hope some of you still remember my topic from 8 October.

8 October I found messages between my husband and his female co-worker and found out he drove her to her home multiple times after work. (Did not get inside but drove her to her home)

Like some of you might remember I confronted him and told him I did not want to see that type of contact again. She actually blocked both him and me on Facebook and that was it. A couple days later I found 2 fake accounts following mine and his Instagram which I was sure of it was her so I blocked her on both of our accounts.

Yesterday night we we're eating dinner together and he got a text message, I saw her name so I asked him who it was. He said it's from work. I told him no, who is that? Can I see it? And then he said it's 'D...' from work. I looked at the text message and it said 'I am working from 6 to 11 tomorrow and from 2 to 8 the day after'. There were no other text messages which he obviously deleted. I told him why he needed to text her again about her working hours as almost a month ago we agreed that what he did was wrong and that there would be no contact outside of the office. I was a bit frustrated and left the table.

The message itself was harmless, but knowing he is asking her for her working hours and is deleting his messages makes me feel so upset once again.

I found out you can retrieve deleted text messages on Iphone so an hour later I walked up to him and asked him if I could have his phone. He gave it and when I tried to get the deleted messages back he grabbed his phone and got very defensive and angry. I told him if you have nothing to hide let me retrieve the messages. He was very angry saying that he was telling me the truth and that if I don't believe him I can just basically 'f off. (Not exactly his words but exactly his intend) I stayed very calm and told him this is your last chance, please let me see the deleted messages. He refused, got pissed, and that's it. Protecting his phone till the end.

Am I going too far asking for the deleted messages? If it was harmless then why would you not give it to me to prove your innocence. I can't keep up with this marriage like this.

(I am not native to English and some people thought my post was AI generated the last time haha, I assure you it's me, just not fluent in English)

OP posts:
Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 04/11/2023 10:03

OP i am not sure your going to listen to anyone’s advice on here .
He is bloody awful and a game player and Lier . He’s wasting your life but you are letting him.
Stop making excuses for him .

You need to leave ….but you won’t

Original poster
Annnemarrrie · 04/11/2023 11:45

RantyAnty · 04/11/2023 04:16

I have to ask is there a chance your husband is like this with you? You mentioned owning the house and having bought some property to build on.

Show quote history

I don't think so as he shares financial part in the household and does step up in those ways. Brings home gifts, pays rent (not the full amount as I own the house) helps with groceries etcetera. But you can never be sure can you. I also thought this would be a one time thing that turned out in to multiple slips through the last years.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Annnemarrrie · 04/11/2023 11:47

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 04/11/2023 10:03

OP i am not sure your going to listen to anyone’s advice on here .
He is bloody awful and a game player and Lier . He’s wasting your life but you are letting him.
Stop making excuses for him .

You need to leave ….but you won’t

please don't tell me I won't cause I need all the encouragement 😄 I get what you mean though. I did talk to my solicitor this morning to see how to sort things out. I just need a couple of days to regroup and think everything through on how I want to do everything.

OP posts:
FirmMauvePombear · 08/11/2024 09:37

Can I just check how you are able to retrieve his deleted messages?

FirmMauvePombear · 08/11/2024 09:46

Annnemarrrie · 03/11/2023 07:15

Hi everyone. Unfortunately I am back here again posting to all of you. I hope some of you still remember my topic from 8 October.

8 October I found messages between my husband and his female co-worker and found out he drove her to her home multiple times after work. (Did not get inside but drove her to her home)

Like some of you might remember I confronted him and told him I did not want to see that type of contact again. She actually blocked both him and me on Facebook and that was it. A couple days later I found 2 fake accounts following mine and his Instagram which I was sure of it was her so I blocked her on both of our accounts.

Yesterday night we we're eating dinner together and he got a text message, I saw her name so I asked him who it was. He said it's from work. I told him no, who is that? Can I see it? And then he said it's 'D...' from work. I looked at the text message and it said 'I am working from 6 to 11 tomorrow and from 2 to 8 the day after'. There were no other text messages which he obviously deleted. I told him why he needed to text her again about her working hours as almost a month ago we agreed that what he did was wrong and that there would be no contact outside of the office. I was a bit frustrated and left the table.

The message itself was harmless, but knowing he is asking her for her working hours and is deleting his messages makes me feel so upset once again.

I found out you can retrieve deleted text messages on Iphone so an hour later I walked up to him and asked him if I could have his phone. He gave it and when I tried to get the deleted messages back he grabbed his phone and got very defensive and angry. I told him if you have nothing to hide let me retrieve the messages. He was very angry saying that he was telling me the truth and that if I don't believe him I can just basically 'f off. (Not exactly his words but exactly his intend) I stayed very calm and told him this is your last chance, please let me see the deleted messages. He refused, got pissed, and that's it. Protecting his phone till the end.

Am I going too far asking for the deleted messages? If it was harmless then why would you not give it to me to prove your innocence. I can't keep up with this marriage like this.

(I am not native to English and some people thought my post was AI generated the last time haha, I assure you it's me, just not fluent in English)

How did you retrieve his deleted messages? I’m going through a similar thing right now with a female work colleague of my husband’s. I had doubts about her when I first saw the way she messaged my husband, and I was not comfortable with her tone. I know it’s hard to tell tone in a message but as a women we know when a women is overstepping. I expressed my concerns and then all contact just stopped which was weird.
I’ve recently come to discover that he’s been deleting messages on WhatsApp.
😞
I hope you found some clarity on what you want to do moving forward. It’s hard to process this kind of information and always lots to consider. Big hugs x

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