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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that no one would help

756 replies

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 06:55

Emergency last night and I needed someone to drive a forty minute round trip. That's all. Never asked for this or any favour really before. I offered to pay. No one would help. Not my mum, siblings. One friend would have but she's on holiday. Got a taxi in the end but it was sheer luck one turned up as it's not a well covered part of the country.

Feel really alone right now!

OP posts:
airforsharon · 03/11/2023 08:18

PixiKitKat · 03/11/2023 07:32

I live in a town, not a village, and getting a taxi is ridiculously difficult!

Also people saying it's a 40min walk?? If it's a 20 min drive down country roads one way, it definitely isn't going to be a 40 min walk and even if it was, you'd have to be stupid to do that in the dark.

I'd help a friend in this situation, as I know how shitty public transport is in rural areas and how difficult it is to get home sometimes.

Same here - i had a health problem one eve & was advised by 111 to go to the GP ooh at my local hospital. My vision was affected so i couldn't drive but it was early eve & I did get a taxi.

I left the hospital at 11pm, no taxi to he had by then for love or money (this is a snall town, not back of beyond) so i can well imagine the same issue in a more rural area. My ex was looking after the children, he asked a neighbour to keep an eye on them, neighbour kindly agreed, and ex came to pick me up. I would do the same, and honestly can't imagine just saying "can't be bothered" if someone was stuck a 20 minute DRIVE from home, in a rural area, and expect them to walk. That's just crap, imo

Highlandsprocker · 03/11/2023 08:18

Syndulla · 03/11/2023 08:07

I'm actually embarrassed for some of the posters on this thread who have clearly never stepped outside of an urban area.

Wait till they find out that not all of us have a Waitrose within a 100 mile radius...

Show quote history

Why are you embarrassed?
It's not anyone else's responsibility if you and others choose to live in the back of beyond.
Own your choices

Theeyeballsinthesky · 03/11/2023 08:18

@Squiblet tbh I live rurally and am a bit taken aback by that as well but then I can’t drive. It wouldn’t occur to me that I couldn’t walk down the roads where I live - yes there aren’t pavements but equally because it’s rural it’s hardly the m25 for traffic! It is unlit but that’s what torches are for

CurlewKate · 03/11/2023 08:18

Oh, of course it's shit that nobody was prepared to do a 40 minute round trip to pick up someone stranded. It's ridiculous that anyone thinks this is normal behaviour. But Mumsnet generally is seriously bizarre about lifts. I have never come across similar attitudes anywhere else. So unless there is more to this story, the OP is not being remotely unreasonable.

Testina · 03/11/2023 08:19

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:12

I don't own a car. I live in a city. The train was not in the city. Obviously.

You live in a city? But the mystery person who needed to be collected was going to a village? I’m a bit confused about who this happened to. But now I’m wondering if this is part of their refusal. I thought it was your boyfriend who could get to you. But were you in your city? Is that why your family felt no responsibility - because the person wasn’t coming to you?

Or they’re just selfish arseholes 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t get me wrong - I’d pick up a stranger if my sister asked me to. But I’m trying to get my head round why your sister wouldn’t help. And if you weren’t directly involved with meeting the stuck person, I can see why they’d be more likely to not see it as their problem.

BoothsChristmasBook · 03/11/2023 08:19

So the OP lives in a city, her new boyfriend was stuck at a train station just 20 mins out of this city and the OP had to do a round trip to "rescue" him.

Fucking hell, why didn't he just get a taxi on his own, or better still, share with one of the "thousands" of other stranded people? Would've saved you a trip and a load of earache for your family

Shinyandnew1 · 03/11/2023 08:19

I agree the op was initially a little unclear but updates (if people bother to read them) said it was her stranded and the "partner" bit was a rhetorical question

I read through all of the OP’s posts and still couldn’t see where they have clarified this. Is it not the OP’s partner who was stranded, then?

If the OP lives in a city but the partner was stranded in a village, could the OP have got in a taxi and gone to collect him? I would be learning to drive if at all possible asap.

Squiblet · 03/11/2023 08:19

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:15

@Squiblet we live in a city. The train broke down between cities. Do you never leave the city?

Not if I can help it, no ... my post wasn't aimed at you OP, more in response to all the people describing what it's like to live in rural areas

supersonicginandtonic · 03/11/2023 08:19

Why didn't you just send the taxi that you got straight to the train station to pick them up?

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 03/11/2023 08:19

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:15

@Squiblet we live in a city. The train broke down between cities. Do you never leave the city?

So it still took 5 hours to find a taxi from a city? You wanted your Dsis to drive to pick him up and bring him back to yours, in the dark, because no taxi available local to the rural train station he was stranded at, but could you have got a taxi from your city to make the round trip instead? If you could I understand a bit more why they said no.

SunnieShine · 03/11/2023 08:20

Why couldn't he call a taxi?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/11/2023 08:20

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 08:18

If you live in a city why would it take you five hours to find a taxi?

That's the bit I'm struggling to understand.

SaltyGod · 03/11/2023 08:20

@Itwasafterallallaboutme

Let me help if it doesn’t make sense:

But if for some genuine reason the rail company could not supply alternative transport:

  • the entire main cross country line went down. There is absolutely no way the train company could or would provide alternative transport for the thousands of people stuck

why couldn't they phone for a taxi:

  • because some areas do no have taxis. Or they have one, or they have one small firm. But with hundreds of people stuck, all over the area, those taxis would be busy all night. The line went down at 4.30/5pm, peak time

If all of the above is impossible, then shouldn't the passengers have been told to stay on board the train, and if it was a "catered" train, shouldnt they have been at least offered water, a hot drink, and maybe even a roll?

  • the trains kick you off, you can’t stay on
  • there is no catering
  • the small stations have no buses, or taxis, or ride sharing, or hotels

You need to simply imagine a tiny rural station, two platforms and a car park. And then add 200 people stranded. Then multiply that by every rural station and train that was travelling that night.

Thats why she just needed someone to drive 20 mins there and back to help. It’s a totally normal thing to ask for, and do, in these rare circumstances (probably happens twice a year to my DH)

This whole thread just doesn't make sense to me...

  • hope this helps
andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 03/11/2023 08:20

@supersonicginandtonic
Cross Post 😀

Cumbrianlife · 03/11/2023 08:20

Why aren't you answering who the lift was for?

Tiredmum100 · 03/11/2023 08:20

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 08:07

Where do you think all the last minute hotels are in the place that has no taxis or buses readily available @Rewindthefilm

Exactly. I am picturing my village, we have a train station, but no hotels etc. Getting a taxi from the town centre train station is difficult enough. Let alone the village. So if the train broke down between city and town and you got off at my stop, you'd be stranded. I think it's really off no one helped. I would have.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 03/11/2023 08:21

I hope they never need a lift in the middle of the night.

My sister broke down a few weeks ago.
We live in Cornwall and she felt unsafe alone at night in the middle of no where.
Her DP didn’t drive and I was the closest person who answered the call.

I didn’t think twice.
The car was in a safe place, so I dropped her home and she dealt with it the next day.

I would never leave someone stranded, especially at night.

Viviennemary · 03/11/2023 08:21

A taxi wouldn't have cost that much. And the weather yesterday was awful. But don't do them any favours.

Macaroni46 · 03/11/2023 08:21

s4usagefingers · 03/11/2023 07:40

I think most people posting don’t understand rural living. You can’t just walk on country lanes it’s too dangerous. Best thing you could hope for is a kind stranger to give you a lift usually. They were very shitty to just leave you there if they were able to come but just didn’t fancy it.

But surely if you live rurally, you make sure you can drive?

PonyPatter44 · 03/11/2023 08:21

There are a right bunch of arseholes on this thread - lots of people who pride themselves on never lifting a finger to help others. That really doesn't make you the proud independent edgelords you think it does...

If you'd rung me for help,OP I would've turned out to help. Driving in the dark and wet doesn't bother me, and it's nice to help friends.

Flipdiddle · 03/11/2023 08:23

If absolutely everyone in your life refused to help you because “they didn’t want to”

I would say “karma” has returned to haunt you

but you will of course deny this 😂

Testina · 03/11/2023 08:23

Parpadew · 03/11/2023 07:30

I will just conclude by saying this has permanently damaged my relationship with my sister in particular. I don't know if she will realise it but... If you care about your family don't abandon them when they ask for your help (especially if they absolutely never usually ask).

I’m curious as to why your sister is copping for more than your mother?

PonyPatter44 · 03/11/2023 08:24

I don't live 'rurally", I can drive. If I go to Newcastle or even London on the train and then the train breaks down in the arse end of nowhere, it doesn't matter whether I can drive or not if I don't happen to have access to a car at that precise time, does it?

MargaretThursday · 03/11/2023 08:24

Where's this "walking 30 miles" come from?

For a 20 minute drive (40 minutes is both ways) if he drove at 70mph, it would still only be around 23 miles.
Rural roads at night, likely at best to be half that so closer to 10 miles.

My local rural station which is 22 minutes drive away at night is 8.5 miles away-and there's a good road for part of the way where I'd expect to be going 50mph.

I don't think I'd have walked it though. But I would have stayed at the station.

dothehokeycokey · 03/11/2023 08:24

@Parpadew

I'm with you

Many many times due to living rurally I have jumped in my car at many a late hour to pick friends/family/boyfriends/girlfriends up when trains and buses aren't running.

This is part of rural living and I've also been the person that's been stuck and have needed to call someone

I would be hurt too

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