To want my name said correctly?

[WhereDoesItAllGo]

My name is unusual, but follows English phonics rules. The same spelling is sometimes used by people shortening a different name with a zed sound, so their nickname is the same as my name, but with zed where I have ess. Unfortunately, some famous people have had this nickname, so the name with zed is known but my name with ess is unfamiliar.

For years I just tolerated my name being mauled. I can be quite shy and I was embarrassed to make a fuss. But I recently started in a new job, and felt it was an opportunity to establish my name correctly. It has been such an effort to stop people and remind them that my name is actually Xysss, not Xyzzz.

Six weeks on, some people are still zedding me. WIBU to start calling them Tom instead of Tim, or Ninny instead of Nina?

Just to add to the discomfort, my nearest more senior colleague, with whom I spend a lot of time and work very closely, has a slight lisp. I think this person may genuinely be unable to pronounce my name correctly. They certainly try, and they pronounce my name with a slight, blurry zed. Unfortunately the coworker who zeds my name the worst also works closely with us. How can I correct the one without humiliating the other?

Ciarán is Kee-RAUN.

Thought so, like Siobhán is Shiv-AUN (not Shivvonne)

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation.

This is very true. And what someone else said about some people being able to hear and understand them, but not pronounce them, and being aware of that to a greater or lesser extent.

There are also many people with some level of hearing loss who either aren't aware that they have it yet, or might not want to say so and draw attention to it, but they are doing their best. This can make it harder to learn to pronounce, and also remember, names. I don't say #BeKind very often but in this case, I do.

I would just leave it, and secretly smile to yourself about the people who manage to pronounce it correctly including your colleague who you suspect is trying very hard to. If you have a colleague who you think is just taking the piss, because it's part of their general attitude, feel free to secretly judge them on it too.

@Herecomesdehotstepper

I know a female Lesley but she spells it Leslie which is the male version

This is mainly a UK thing, I think.

Of the top of my head, I can think of Leslie Caron, French actor, and Leslie Van Houten, American murderer and member of the Manson Family. There are loads more famous female Leslies outside the UK

The "Elise" dilemma is interesting to me. I know two women named Denise. One pronounces her name De-neeze and the other is De-neese. I don't see either of them often, and then I struggle to remember which is which.

Issy Suttie is a famous Issssy rather than Izzzzy. It's a different name. It would annoy me too if my name was mispronounced

Maybe you are in the wrong part of Britain? I went to primary school (many years ago) with an Elise and it was always Eleezuh. We were up in the northwest and not at all familiar with Beethoven.

I think you might be right with the Joe-Lee vs Roly. The problem is that I can’t hear the difference still. At the very back of my mind I can see how they might sound different but saying them both sounds the same and imagining someone else saying them they are still the same.

I'm going to discuss your thoughts with her and see if I can work it out.

@BestKitten

PumkinPorridge
My name is nearly always said wrong and spelt wrong. It's a foreign name and not common. I really love my name. It's pretty and I feel lucky to have such a nice name
^It literally never bothers me if people call me the wrong name. I occasionally correct people but the fact somebody has said my name wrongs means absolutely nothing. Why should it? Even if it's because they are being lazy what difference does it make to me?
Lots of people have flaws, I'm not sure saying 'zz' instead of 'ss' is that bad.*

"Wow I really do not agree nor can I understand this outlook. Good on you but I can't say I know anyone , even the least sensitive people, who wouldn't be bothered by people alway mispronouncing their name. Good on you for being thick skinned. Your name is how you interface with the world, if it causes an issue each times, it's awkward! Do you have a middle name or another shortening of your name op?"

Not minding if people mispronounce my name isn't being'thick-skinned'. I simply don't mind. I'll get offended when people are trying to offend me but I find it a bit precious to be offended about someone mispronouncing your name.

The only offensiveness is the attitude that they can choose my name.

Some manglers do try to get my name right, and I appreciate that. But some genuinely cannot be bothered, and get arsey with me for wanting to be called by my own name.

Which of you would accept a teacher having the attitude "I can't be bothered trying to learn your child's name, so I'll call her a vague approximation of it"?

Posters saying I should spell my name phonetically - it is spelled phonetically! How would you spell Issy phonetically?

All the sounds in my name are standard English sounds, in standard English order. All the name-manglers are standard English people, speaking standard English.

Posters saying I should demonstrate the sound using other words - I do! I even do it humorously so that it sticks. "Issy - like in pissy Missy Issy, who gets pissed off when her soft esses are missed off."

I don't call myself pissy. That's just for an example of how I use the same sounds with the same spellings.

@PumkinPorridge , I find it a bit precious to be offended about someone mispronouncing your name.
You probably find me precious then. I would probably be shocked if someone said my name correctly. It's a lovely name but nobody other than speakers of my language can say.

Many of the mispronunciations sound horrible. Some are just about tolerable.
The misspellings are either someone trying to make it into something they recognise, or rather funny.
The worst comments are ones like 'Why do you say/spell it like that when it's (something vaguely similar)' or 'What a stupid name'

I disagree with pp who think it’s not important In the grand scheme of things. I’ve been called the totally wrong name, had it incorrectly pronounced etc all my life because it’s double barrelled. If it’s someone I’m going to work with lots, I will correct them. I think it’s pretty important to get names right. I’m a teacher and I ask my students how I pronounce their names because it’s just lazy to not care. I have 2 Mias, one is Mee-ah, one is My-ah. It’s their name and who am I to decide how to pronounce it?

@Cherrysoup , Hear, hear.

I go by an easily pronounceable, phonetic, diminutive and people get that wrong, and that really pisses me off, because it shows lack of care.

I shorten mine to the initials which some people use. I just dislike being called something totally different!

Some people don't know how to pronounce their names properly. I studied Indian languages so I know the difference between an aspirated and an unaspirated consonant and the difference between a dental and a retroflex consonant.

If someone has an Indian heritage and an Indian name but they have only ever spoken English they will often not know how to pronounce their own names. Yet they might insist that everyone uses their mispronunciation.

I have worked in places, many years ago, where everybody had a nickname whether they wanted one or not. Someone who introduced himself as Karl might be called Charley.

@SuePine69 , if it's their name, it's said as they say it, but insisting everyone uses that pronunciation is a bit too much. Some people have no idea that their pronunciation seems wrong to speakers of the language though.

I'd probably struggle to use the anglicised pronunciation if it was a name I was very familiar with.

It is annoying I agree.
It's my surname that people get wrong every time.

It's an unusual name that is also the name of a UK town.

So for example it's similar to Nottingham, but every single time they say Notting.
So I always point out the 'ham' at the end.It's only a little thing but it does become wearing multiple times a day.

@Clarich007 , not Nottinum?

Just start calling them the wrong name and when they say Its a not b, you say and I'm whatever.

You have every right to be called the right name! Stop worrying about causing discomfort and correct them early on!

You have every right to be called the right name! Stop worrying about causing discomfort and correct them early on!

I have this problem. Elaina isn't my real name. My real name has given me issues with pronunciation all my life. I try and correct people early on but occasionally let it slide which I regret doing, because if this someone you then get to know well it becomes more awkward to correct! At this stage you probably need to introduce yourself to someone infront of that person and then they'll hear the correct pronunciation. Not that it may work. I've literally introduced myself and then that person has said my name wrong 2 seconds later.

I have a relatively common name with a less common spelling. I get the more common spelling often, but when it annoys me is when someone has had to see it/click on it/type it correctly in order to write something to me and yet they still spell it wrong! In my pettiest moments, I have replied adding in the extra letter they’ve put in my name (think Allison/Alison type of thing) in their name 😇

I agree with the poster who said that some people just can’t hear correctly, or maybe it is just nerves. I had a relative called Geraint. This name causes huge difficulties. Despite saying to people Geraint rhymes with BARE PINT - you still get Grant/ Grunt/ Gerant. It is as though the name trips wires in peoples brain and even otherwise clever and considered people struggle.