To want my name said correctly?

[WhereDoesItAllGo]

My name is unusual, but follows English phonics rules. The same spelling is sometimes used by people shortening a different name with a zed sound, so their nickname is the same as my name, but with zed where I have ess. Unfortunately, some famous people have had this nickname, so the name with zed is known but my name with ess is unfamiliar.

For years I just tolerated my name being mauled. I can be quite shy and I was embarrassed to make a fuss. But I recently started in a new job, and felt it was an opportunity to establish my name correctly. It has been such an effort to stop people and remind them that my name is actually Xysss, not Xyzzz.

Six weeks on, some people are still zedding me. WIBU to start calling them Tom instead of Tim, or Ninny instead of Nina?

Just to add to the discomfort, my nearest more senior colleague, with whom I spend a lot of time and work very closely, has a slight lisp. I think this person may genuinely be unable to pronounce my name correctly. They certainly try, and they pronounce my name with a slight, blurry zed. Unfortunately the coworker who zeds my name the worst also works closely with us. How can I correct the one without humiliating the other?

Sat here trying to make busy and Lizzie not rhyme. Bissie?!

I think.some people are just lazy with names my now sadly deceased Sil, had a less comment variant of a more common name so.say Julia ,everybody but everybody. Would call.her Julie its just rude imo.

Oh Ok so they are saying it wrong.

The example you have given is a bit bizarre. Busy rhymes with Lizzie, hence the name of the plant Busy Lizzie. I know there can be regional variations but I can't place one for this. Issy is a pretty normal spelling of the nickname for Isabel which is, I would argue, standardly pronounced with a z sound. I know 3 Isobel/Isabelle's who are known as "Izzy" and they have various different spellings with s and z. The "s"s are from the spelling and thr "z"s from the phonetic sound. Either makes sense and is said with a z sound. Like when people shorten Thomas to Tom, they can choose to spell it like the original as Thom or more commonly spell it phonetically as Tom. We don't pronounce Thom and Tom differently, they both come from the original name. Similarly we don't pronounce Izzy and Issy differently when they are both common shortenings of Isobel/Isabelle/Isabel etc.

Still if you are Issy to rhyme with Missy then YANBU to expect people to get in right, and remind them until they do. But there seems to be a communication gap somewhere because I am not following your Busy/Lizzie thing at all and I suspect they are not either. Can you explain how you'd say them differently?

This would be so much more constructive if you would share the name.

I was with you OP till the busy Lizzy thing, now I’m wondering what you’re on about and what exactly is this name.

There are people who truly can't hear the same nuances in pronunciation.
This.

I'm Coral. But always addressed as "Carol" by every health care professional, DD's teachers, any contact with the council etc etc.
I can only think people skip over what is written down and draw the closest comparison.
This

My name gets pretty much mangled unless I switch to using a shorter 'nickname'.

Any attempt to use the full version means it gets misspelled, usually by what I think might be attempts to make it into something they recognise as a name.

Not the name but something like Anneliese, known as Anna, getting Anneleise, Annalisa, Annalise, Anna-Louisa, Hannah etc

But this s/z difference is hardly a nuance

Not to you, but to some people it is. My sister's name is Lisa and a relative of ours literally could not hear any difference between 'Leesa' and 'Leeza' despite my sister's many attempts to explain that 'Leeza' was wrong.

I also used to work with a Naomi who pronounced 'NAY-uh-mi' with the stress on the first syllable and another colleague always called her 'Nay-O-mi' with the stress on the middle syllable. When we tried to explain the difference she was utterly confused and just kept looking blank and saying 'But that's the same way of saying it?'

I have a friend called Sara (not Sarah) and she always gets called Zara. It drives me mad, never mind her. I'd absolutely have to say something, every single time.

I have a colleague in this situation. Her name follows normal English spelling and pronunciation rules, but some people still can’t seem to manage it. One person in particular speaks three languages but still can’t get her one-syllable name right. She’s given up correcting him.

I thought this was going to be the name, except Sara isn’t unusual. My childhood babysitter was called Sara but my mum always called her Zara.

I have a name that can be pronounced in a few different ways. I’ve found that 9/10 people ask me which I go by which is nice. However it doesn’t bother me if people mispronounce it. I can’t really imagine correcting someone every time. How do people who ‘correct, correct, correct’ have any friends? Sometimes you just have to let things go.

Get their name wrong each and every time. They'll soon care.

I would be really happy to say your name with s, because I sometimes think it's difficult to say/pronounce z (my native language does not differentiate between those sounds.)
Obviously I will always do my very very best to pronounce names correctly!

I think you will just have to keep correcting people on your name.
Be firm but cheerful!

Good Luck!

Sorry about the busy and Lizzie thing. I did not spot that my phone had autocorrected Bessie to busy.

I know someone called Joely.

I can’t pronounce it correctly and it annoys her but I can’t hear the difference when she corrects me at all- it literally sounds like she’s saying it exactly the same way (when she models how it’s supposed to sound vs how I’m saying it). We’ve broken it down phonetically too and I just can’t hear a difference.

@Redvelvet24 , how do you say Joely?
I say it like Julie with an o not a u, to rhyme with Coley and Roly.

That’s how I say it … like the name Joe with ly on the end. Joely! Then she says ‘no, it’s not Joely, it’s Joely’ and it sounds exactly the same to me. Sometimes someone else steps in to demonstrate how I’m saying it wrong but I can’t hear a difference at all!

I’ve tried practising on my own… I expect it’s a subtly difference between the ‘oh’ sound and ‘ow’ sound, particularly the slight ‘w’ sound. I can only just hear the difference when I say those two phonemes separately and can’t hear them at all in the name.

Getting your name wrong is a micro-aggression. Especially if you've corrected them numerous times.

You need to be clear and correct them each time or find a sympathetic ally who will do it for you.

We all have biases (or preferences for a less accusatory term) and tend to slip into what's easiest.

So much of our behaviour is subconscious, it's unlikely to be deliberate (which would potentially be harassment). However, good intentions aside, it's the impact of this micro-aggression on you that matters. Does it make you feel excluded, unimportant? If so, you or your ally needs to voice this. Never assume the obvious is obvious to everyone.

I'll see if I can track down something on micro-behaviours that you can use to start a conversation at work.

Tell us what the name is and we might be able to help with how to get people to pronounce it correcty?

A Google of "My Name, My Identity " should give you what you need to explain to your colleagues why it's so important to get people's names right.

Jesus christ it really isnt!

Have you tried asking her to explain her mouth position when saying joely as opposed to how you pronounce it?

I think posible you need to keep your lower jaw a little tighter if it's the difference between oh and ow. Tongue position can be really helpful for sorting pronounciation issue's that you can't hear

Is it simple like Liz/ Lis… or longer and with other blends that are tricky together?
Mine is simple in some ways, but actually puts together two consonants in a way that trips up British people- like having ts instead of having st. It confuses people even though the syllables are separate they are tripped up by this

My name is pronounced wrong a lot of the time, and it has always really bothered me.

The times that I have tried to correct someone have not gone down well. I’ve been exceptionally polite about it and people just don’t like it. They’d rather continue to get it wrong than try and get it right, it seems.

Amd don’t get me started on my husband’s family who have decided to shorten my (two syllable) name to one syllable, which is a shortening that I never ever use, rather than just learn to say my name correctly.

My son’s secondary school has had every pupil record an audio of their name and it is on the school’s intranet. So that pupils and teachers can hear the correct pronunciation whenever they need to, and adopt it.

I get called LISA, ILSA, ELSA, ISLA, ILSE... One of them is my name. It really doesn't affect me in any way, I find it quite funny in fact - so much struggle with those four letters! And it's a bit of an "in" joke now.
I only correct people if I care to save them some awkwardness later on.

S and Z can be used interchangeably and I don't hear any difference really between Issy and Izzy or busy and Izzy.

Coral and Carol and Leylah and Laylah are different vowel sounds.

My friend Dea is always being called 'Dee' by people who, you would think, ought to know better. If I want to tease her, I'll say 'All right, Dee?' when we meet.