To want my name said correctly?

[WhereDoesItAllGo]

My name is unusual, but follows English phonics rules. The same spelling is sometimes used by people shortening a different name with a zed sound, so their nickname is the same as my name, but with zed where I have ess. Unfortunately, some famous people have had this nickname, so the name with zed is known but my name with ess is unfamiliar.

For years I just tolerated my name being mauled. I can be quite shy and I was embarrassed to make a fuss. But I recently started in a new job, and felt it was an opportunity to establish my name correctly. It has been such an effort to stop people and remind them that my name is actually Xysss, not Xyzzz.

Six weeks on, some people are still zedding me. WIBU to start calling them Tom instead of Tim, or Ninny instead of Nina?

Just to add to the discomfort, my nearest more senior colleague, with whom I spend a lot of time and work very closely, has a slight lisp. I think this person may genuinely be unable to pronounce my name correctly. They certainly try, and they pronounce my name with a slight, blurry zed. Unfortunately the coworker who zeds my name the worst also works closely with us. How can I correct the one without humiliating the other?

Getting your name wrong is a micro-aggression. Especially if you've corrected them numerous times.

That depends. Intentionally getting someone's name wrong or making fun of a name from a different ethnicity is a micro-aggression, but certainly not for someone who cannot hear the different sounds or produce the different sounds.

I have a very good ear and almost always pick up the correct pronunciation on first hearing a name. My (now adult) son has a learning difficulty called auditory processing disorder. He often cannot pick up those distinctions and it's reflected in his pronunciation. This is just one example, but there are many others as well, including ones PP have mentioned regarding speakers whose first language is not English and who, as a result, have difficulty reproducing certain sounds.

I work with several people whose first language is Spanish and whose names have a rolled or trilled "r". I have a good ear so I can certainly hear it, but I can't reproduce it very well at all.

My name is always mispronounced. It sometimes bothers me but usually I just ignore it. The worst though is when I’ve just said my name and they get it wrong. Say for instance I’ll introduce myself as Susan and they immediately call me Suzzanne. That pisses me off

I have this issue with my daughter. Her name is Elise. I had only ever pronounced this as Eh-Leez (rhymes with please) and had not appreciated that 99% of people in the UK seem to say Eh-leess (rhymes with police).

My family and friendly have mostly got it now but others less so. I've corrected her childminder once, don't feel I can do it again really.

Her aunty said she couldn't hear any difference between the pronunciations but then she also calls my brother Fray-shier instead of Frazer. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Tin hat time. If I saw it written, and didn't know the person, I'd say it like in the Beethoven (German) music title Für Elise, that is Eleezuh

@CarolinaInTheMorning when it's done deliberately, it becomes harassment.

Of course there has to be allowances for those who simply cannot say the name, that's neither a micro-aggression or harassment.

It's the impact on the person whose name is being mangled that matters.

Some will not be bothered. Some will receive the message that they're the outlier every time their name is mispronounced.

Micro-behaviours are small things we do that have a big impact. They give away our unconscious biases.

It's especially important if your name is tied to your identity, your cultural heritage for example.

Loads of fantastic you tube videos on micro-behaviours, I'll see if I can find a good one.

I can fix this for you.
So I’m assuming you can hear a difference between ´ssss’ on it’s own and ´zzzz’ on its own? If not, we’ll deal with it in a second.
But, assuming you make those sounds differently ; put you fingers on your throat over your voicebox - your ´adam’s apple’ or the place you’d expect to see an adam’s apple if yours doesn’t stick out at all. Say ´sssss’ then say ´zzzz’ - you will feel the vibrations in your fingers with the ´zzz’ sound.
Now day ´Busy Lizzy’ - both have vibrations - they have a ´zzz’ sound. Fuck the letters. English letter/sound correspondence is all over the show.
Now you can feel the difference you can ignore letters and put whichever sound you want in thz word. So you have a friend called ´Susan’ or ´Susanne’ or ´Suzanne’ with a ´z’ sound in the middle - you should hear a ´z’ and feel it in your fingers held to your voicebox. Great, now imagine you have a friend with almost the same name but she’s telling you there’s a ´s’ sound in the middle, not a ´z’. I don’t care how it’s spelt, you can do it. Say ´Sussan’ or ´Sussanah’ and keep trying till you can do it with no vibrations over the middle ´s’ sound.
If ´s’ and ´z’ always sound the same to you, lets try another pair of sounds first. Try telling someone to be quite ´shhhh’ - there should be no vibrations. Now try the first sound in French ´je’ or the middle sound in English ´measure’ - this one should make vibrations in your voicebox.

Can you get someone to talk to people for you? Maybe get your manager on board and then she can say ‘oh xx said to me the other day that her name is actually pronounced xx’ when they mention you? It seems a bit less embarrassing for them if it’s not in front of you?

Oh thanks! That does work. Especially if I overemphasize the sounds and move my mouth differently for each one. One vibrates and the other doesn't and one I have to open my mouth much wider!

One becomes Is Cee and the other is Is Zee

I am horrific with names. I mispronounce them all the time. It's a mental block that I just can't get over. I worked with a Lucina, pronounced Lu-see-ana. I pronounced it Lu-she-ana for years. Whenever she corrected me I'd think "I'll remember that" but then I'd do it again, convinced it was the right way.
Apparently I'm not alone in this, because I've spoken to lots of people who say the same thing.
The only 'cure' for me is to see it written phonetically. Then it sticks.

If you keep practicing you should find you can just change the vibrations and keep your mouth and tongue in exactly the same place.
In real life when you’re in that situation where someone’s telling you you’re not saying it right you can play around with different things - like the length of the sound or how wide open your mouth is and where you tongue is exactly. There’s lots of factors that go into different sounds but in English /s/ and /z/ the important is those voicebox vibrations.

Having your name misspelled and mispronounced all the time is annoying AF.

Mine is similar to a common name so people write it as that, even when it’s right in front of them. When it’s the sixth time in a day, it become really irritating.

Common courtesy demand that you make an effort to get people’s name right. If in doubt, ask. If you find it tricky, listen carefully and keep trying until you get it right.

I have an unusual name and as long as no one trying to take the mick or their pronunciation sounds rude then personally I don’t understand people who get themselves into a pickle at people who struggle with their name. I have people who still spell my name incorrectly despite it being on lots or paperwork etc. I just laugh. I work in a job where I come across a lot of members of the public and sometimes struggle to pronounce their names even if have been told once, is easy to forget. Just light heartedly correct them without aiming to make anyone feel bad

'Tin hat time. If I saw it written, and didn't know the person, I'd say it like in the Beethoven (German) music title Für Elise, that is Eleezuh'

@Manadou Yes Eleezuh is what we were actually aiming at and is how I say it, but we thought in Britain it would be Eleeze. Didn't realise it was actually Eleece which is even further away.

For the native English speaking people who think others' mispronunciations are micro aggressions, I'd love to hear them try to perfectly speak words in a tonal language, like Vietnamese. However, people from Viet Nam are probably too polite to correct you.

@Redvelvet24 , do you have a regional accent or do you say it as Joe Lee? I've only heard Joely said to rhyme with Roly, but Joel will get said as Joe-(u)l, Jole and Joe El.

Tongue position can be really helpful for sorting pronunciation issue's that you can't hear
Definitely if it's sounds not in your own language.

Could t be that she wants the extra syllable? So Joe-a-ly?**

It happens to really famous people too.

RIP Liza

Do not expect many Brits to know to pronounce German names.

Coral and Carol
Vowels tend to get transposed especially if there are several next to each other.
Leylah and Laylah are different vowel sounds. Are they?
I'd say both as Layla
Leila and Laila I'd say as Layla and Lie-la respectively but would be prepared to be corrected.

I don’t understand people who get themselves into a pickle at people who struggle with their name. I have people who still spell my name incorrectly despite it being on lots or paperwork etc
Some people mind, some don't. There may be cultural reasons why someone not getting a name right might seem like 'othering'. Dismissing it as 'get themselves into a pickle at people who struggle with their name' is a bit insulting IMO.

There's an Elise in our family who rhymes with Police which won't help your cause. She was named after the car.

@Manadou , I think you mean monolglot brits, not all brits. Quite a few brits speak more than one language.

I have a name that was quite common up to the 1950s, with the standard spelling, which breaks one of the best known rules. There are several variants, but they are pretty uncommon, especially now that the name has pretty much died out.

Saying it is not too bad, although I did have one colleague who always called me by a completely different name with the same first two letters. I'm not sure what that was about.

Writing however is a completely different matter. My work e mail is a first name dot last name format. If I give that to people 9/10 of them will spell my first name wrong and I won't get the e mail. Luckily, I have a numerical alias, which works much better.

I was a bit surprised to see Storm Kee Ron was actually Storm Ciarán. I thought Ciarán was Keerun or Keeraun

Wow I really do not agree nor can I understand this outlook. Good on you but I can't say I know anyone , even the least sensitive people, who wouldn't be bothered by people alway mispronouncing their name. Good on you for being thick skinned. Your name is how you interface with the world, if it causes an issue each times, it's awkward! Do you have a middle name or another shortening of your name op?

I know a female Lesley but she spells it Leslie which is the male version but it looks right for a female (I've always thought they should be the other way round).