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Original poster

Should I ditch my embarrassing first name?

142 replies

Keane900 · 02/11/2023 17:38

Hi, my birth name is Sascha and I am an Irish man living in Ireland. The past few years I've been getting uncomfortable with my name as I feel like my name is effecting parts of my life. I feel a bit hesitant to tell people my name because I get weird looks, and feel like it's hurting me professionally aswell. I also got quite bullied growing up because of my name and I was thinking of going by my middle name, which is boring, but at least it's a normal name. I recently sent out CV's for jobs in both names and got more positive responses with my middle name. I'm also tired of people continually asking if my name is my actual name, it wears me down mentally. Although I don't really like my middle name, should I just go by this as I'm getting very uncomfortable with my birth name? I also don't want to just make up a new first name either as that's too much for me and I'm 30 years of age. Thanks.

OP posts:
ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 02/11/2023 21:49

Your life, your name.

I think of Sacha Baron Cohen when I hear it so it's not necessarily female to me.

If you like Patrick and its your middle name go for it. If you don't like Pat, ask people to call you by full name or choose a different shortening. Do you prefer Rick? Ricky?

Hearmenow23 · 02/11/2023 21:53

Ooh Ash is a good one.

RobertaFirmino · 02/11/2023 22:31

@Mummymummy89 If I had that middle name, I'd use it as a title! If I've guessed correctly, of course!

Mummymummy89 · 02/11/2023 22:46

RobertaFirmino · 02/11/2023 22:31

@Mummymummy89 If I had that middle name, I'd use it as a title! If I've guessed correctly, of course!

Haha I'm not sure if it's the same disaster but in any case... I just think it's dreadful because so many people died! Why tf did my parents think to saddle an innocent baby with that kind of baggage? Not to mention the misogynistic novel my first name is after. I'm so resentful honestly.

My dd, by contrast, has a sweet, short, simple and positive-connotation first name that will age with her, never needs explaining, doesn't invite comment, is easy to spell and pronounce, recognisable all over the world, etc.

I feel like threads like this one should be pinned to the top of the baby names forum honestly... Poor op has been bothered by his name almost 30 years...!

Jossse · 02/11/2023 22:57

Pick a name you like and change it by deed pole. The ONE thing we can control in our lives is what people call us.
Please do it and start to enjoy your life ...

mugboat · 03/11/2023 00:03

I love your name, and think it's stupid you are getting rude comments. People shouldn't make rude comments about anyone's name, and I can't believe that grown adults do!

That said, it's up to you, you can go by your middle name if you like, if it will make you happier.

My husband hated his name for years and used his middle name in secondary school. Tho when I met him he was using his first name again.

In short- you do you. But those ppl taking the piss can do one.

penjil · 03/11/2023 02:09

Sasha/Sascha is a very popular name among Russian men. ... apparently it's a nickname for men called Alexander.

It also sounds very French to me too.

And I think Russian and French men are quite sexy and intellectual, so if someone introduced themselves to me as Sascha, I'd be very interested. 😁

LynetteScavo · 03/11/2023 06:53

Years ago I was in a bar in German with some Irish girls and we met a very large, body builder type Russian called Sascha. Oh how the Irish girls laughed! They obviously considered it a very feminine name. So I can imagine you don't always get a great reaction to your name in Ireland.

For professional reasons I'd use my middle name if I were you. It's no big deal.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 03/11/2023 07:28

You could go by Alexander like a reverse nickname

Finlesswonder · 03/11/2023 07:30

What is going on with all the name threads recently?!

nibblessquibbles · 03/11/2023 07:34

I have given my DS a "normal" middle name for this very reason, he has an unusual Irish first name and I wanted him to have something very standard to fall back to if he didn't like it. I know lots of relatives who go by middle names as often in Ireland children were named after father etc so to remove confusion they'd use the middle name instead

Georgeandzippyzoo · 03/11/2023 07:43

TheFlis · 02/11/2023 17:50

I also know a male Sasha and never thought it was odd at all.

Probably because you have that experience. I have a DNeice who has a traditionally male name(not a common name), when I hear that name I immediately think female.

OP is it that you think people associate it as a female name? I think culturally certain names are linked to male/females. I watch an Australian programme where Shannon, only a female name in my life experience, is a male name and I had a 'oh a male Shannon' moment. Not judging or making issue just not what I'm 'culturally' expecting.

Whatever your reason , people's perception or dislike of uour name, there's no issue at all of going by your middle name. If your middle name is also an issue for you look at changing by deed poll. Loads of people do this.

Original poster
Keane900 · 03/11/2023 08:34

LynetteScavo · 03/11/2023 06:53

Years ago I was in a bar in German with some Irish girls and we met a very large, body builder type Russian called Sascha. Oh how the Irish girls laughed! They obviously considered it a very feminine name. So I can imagine you don't always get a great reaction to your name in Ireland.

For professional reasons I'd use my middle name if I were you. It's no big deal.

Yes, I would like to use my name but these are the reactions I've got most of my life unfortunately. Laughed at mostly. I don't particular like my middle name either but can't change my name as lots of people know me as Patrick now, including someone I dated for a few months and bumping into them again going by a different name would just be too weird for me

OP posts:
hydriotaphia · 03/11/2023 08:42

Personally I like the name Sascha and we almost called our son Sasha. However, if you do not like it you absolutely can go by your middle or another name. I know someone who did just this - started going by a different name in the second year of university. He explained he had simply never liked his name. It took some getting used to but everyone simply accepted it and now we all refer to him by his 'new' name.

Hibiscrubbed · 03/11/2023 11:29

You can be called anything you like, and I’d urge you to do what you wish.

I do think your name is beautiful though. I considered it for my son.

ohdamnitjanet · 03/11/2023 20:03

Another vote for it being a lovely name - but if you have never liked it and it gives you grief there’s your answer.

AllstarFacilier · 03/11/2023 20:43

It’s your choice, if it definitely makes you happier then go by your middle name, but I really like your first name.

PloddingAlong21 · 03/11/2023 20:44

The number of unusual and varied names I see on CVs I’m fairly sure nobody is batting an eyelid at that. I don’t even give the name a second thought, it’s irrelevant.

Carzo · 03/11/2023 20:45

I think your name is lovely, my friends dad is called Sasha, he's Belarusian. My kids have Polish names, you can help to broaden people's horizons. But if it's making you sad, then use your middle name.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 03/11/2023 21:43

Personally think Sasha is a good strong name for a man

Candymay · 03/11/2023 21:48

I went to school with a boy called Sascha- such a cool and beautiful name. But if you don’t like it absolutely change it. Choose something you love and go by that.
but I love your name

ThePeachIsSoUnusual · 03/11/2023 21:53

I discovered by accident that a friend is using her middle name not her first name, all the time as far as I know - family, friends, work. I am keeping this to myself as if she wanted us (me, my family members, and our wider friendship group) to know she'd've told us - I haven't even told my partner. I also know someone well who has changed their entire name, and now has a professional name and a 'bank manager' name. It's all fine if you own it and are clear about it.

I concur that you are surrounded by rude people who treat you differently in interviews because of your name, and call you a nickname without asking first that you don't like. However, to get on and be happy about work, especially if you are not the sort of person to challenge things, or to say "oh yes, interesting isn't it" in a confident way, you are perfectly reasonable to use your middle name or change your name formally to something you prefer. What you ask old and new friends and family to call you can be different to your work name of course - firstname if you actually like it, a nickname, a new name. You do you, there are no rules.

BlueGrey1 · 03/11/2023 22:08

It would be a shame to change it because of other people if you actually like it, so would keep it and stand proud
Im Irish and I think it’s a lovely name!

I think Patrick / Pat is quite boring really, Sascha is much more interesting or maybe shorten it to Sasch if you really want to change, I would feel like I lost part of my identity if I had to change my name.

Don’t worry about the opinion of bullies, they are usually quite stupid people!

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 03/11/2023 22:55

I'd keep your first name, if you like it
(One of my favourite names btw)
If you don't like it, then change it to something you DO like. No reason why tgat should be boring, or your current middle name.

PrinnyPree · 03/11/2023 22:58

Your name's wonderful, it's fucking awful that anybody would make you feel shit about it, I'm guessing some of the hate are from phobic or sexist people who think it's (God forbid) effeminate.

Please don't change your wonderful name if you actually like it, but I totally understand if you feel you need to go by your middle name professionally (at least until you get your foot in the door) I would personally do that since the bigotry is costing you opportunities. X