Should I ditch my embarrassing first name?

[Keane900]

Hi, my birth name is Sascha and I am an Irish man living in Ireland. The past few years I've been getting uncomfortable with my name as I feel like my name is effecting parts of my life. I feel a bit hesitant to tell people my name because I get weird looks, and feel like it's hurting me professionally aswell. I also got quite bullied growing up because of my name and I was thinking of going by my middle name, which is boring, but at least it's a normal name. I recently sent out CV's for jobs in both names and got more positive responses with my middle name. I'm also tired of people continually asking if my name is my actual name, it wears me down mentally. Although I don't really like my middle name, should I just go by this as I'm getting very uncomfortable with my birth name? I also don't want to just make up a new first name either as that's too much for me and I'm 30 years of age. Thanks.

I think your name is lovely but if it bothers you could you try and shorten it or something, so it’s still your name but it just sounds different.

You can then introduce yourself as that and often on forms it will say ‘name’ and then ‘preferred name’.

I’ve also met people who’ve said their name is …… but most people call me …. for short.
This is common with people who have long foreign names and shorten it so it sounds more English and is easier for people to pronounce.

I have a friend called Emily who goes by Emmie for example.

I can’t think what your name could be adjusted to but MNers are usually good at this thing.

I was given a stupid name, Star-Shine, which I dropped the minute I came back to the UK to live with my grandparents. I changed it legally at the first opportunity. I chose my grandmother's name, with her love and blessing.

I love the name Sascha but if it makes you feel uncomfortable you should go by a name that doesn’t.

Change it, it’s affecting you but you can change it.

Im a widow, I have an embarrassing married name I’m changing next year, doesn’t mean I didn’t love dh. He didn’t like it either.

My dh changed his name twenty years ago for career reasons. His name was frankly daft. He felt it was holding him back in his career and that he could see people's looks of confusion when he introduced himself.

His parents and siblings still use his original name and it's all fine. You would think it would be strange but it somehow isn't.

Sascha is a lovely name. But use whatever name makes you happy. It’s your choice.

YANBU
It's your life and you're the one that has to wear it!

Some of these posters saying they like it and you're not confident enough, is a load of old twoddle - they don't have to live with a name they hate.

My DH hates his name (far worse than yours), and goes by his middle name. His first name is a huge source of embarressment, and he wishes he'd changed it decades ago, but it's a bit late now.

I think you should definitely change it and do it officially to what YOU want, and whether that is Patrick or something else that you really like, then for your own good and well being, you must do it

Good luck.

I wish people would stop telling OP they think Sascha is a lovely name for a man and they know lots of men with that name. That is clearly not OP’s experience, and actually nor is it mine. I’ve only known a couple of Saschas in my life and they were both woman.

OP if you don’t like your name then change it, or stick with Patrick, and tell people not to call you Pat.

^^ This would be my suggestion. That way it still links to your original name but is far more run of the mill.

The only Sachas/Saschas I know are male.

Also most people have heard of Sasha Baron Cohen (Ali G/Borat/Bruno).

i was born and raised in the U.K but most of my family (and DH's family) are Irish. It's been a long running discovery for me that hardly any of my family (or his) use their given names.

For instance - for my whole life I've known my mum as Ellen. She is in her eighties and I now have POA and have discovered her given name is Eileen. One of my closest friends is my cousin Martha but it was only after she lived with us for a few months after CoVid I found out she was christened Maureen. Conversely my my aunt Maureen is actually my Aunt Martha. My BIL Sean was actually christened John Joseph -I could go on and on.

Pick the version of your name you prefer and make sure everything is registered that way and then move on.

]]friends t

The only Saschas I know of are men!
The most famous person with the name is a man. Sacha Baron Cohen.

Go for it. Absolute no harm in going with your middle name.

If it is bringing you down that much, then you shouldn't let it effect you any more longer.

@wesurecouldstandgladioli @Nellle haha yeah I guess I've outed myself to anyone who knows me IRL - I only realised after I posted that I have my birth year in my username haha. (It's not Hillsborough!) You won't get my first name though unless you've read the novel- to make matters worse it's a regional foreign name from a region of a country I'm not from, which causes all kinds of embarrassment.

Sorry op to have derailed your thread slightly!

Op, I understand how you feel and I know that when pp say it's a common Russian name (although kindly meant), it's not helpful, because you aren't Russian. My name is from a country I'm not from and that's embarrassing. I get people from that country asking me eagerly if I'm from there (I'm not, and can't speak that language) and then think I'm a bit odd as if it's my fault.

About Patrick, I think you'll have to just say slightly firmly, but in a friendly tone "it's Patrick not Pat or Paddy". I have students with names like Thomas or Robert who don't like Tom or Rob for short. My own dh has a name like that and he doesn't like the classic diminutives. People get used to it very quickly and comply.

I think it’s a lovely name for a man! Unusual but not in a trying too hard way.
I understand you don’t like it but if I were you, I’d embrace it. It makes you unique and different.

I have a bit of a crush on a work colleague who's called Sasha. I've never actually met him, only seen him on Teams, but I'd like to lick his face.

That's no help at all, I know, but I felt the need to share.

my son uses his middle name at work, well an abbreviated version of his middle name. Just randomly too, his cousin has started working with him and says she has to think twice when someone mentions her cousin Dan! She thinks, who is that? But yeah use whatever name you like professionally

My DM always used her middle name - I think from her early 20s
But if you don't like you middle name, why go to the effort to switching to that? Choose something you like and use that - change it by deed poll.

What would you like your name to be?

Yes go for it. There is a senior guy at work who goes by his middle name. Both names are quite common so not sure his reason eg) William and George

But really no issue. More important you are happy

Ah I love this. Is his middle name Patrick...?!

So Rick or Ricky?

Goodness, you must live in a rather odd place! I doubt anyone would turn a hair where I live, small town NZ.

I forgot to say, my surname before I married was one which came in for a lot of comment and both my DF and I got the same nickname at school. I didn't return to it after we separated, but that's mainly because I can't be faffed. It wouldn't bother me though, it's my name and one day I might decide to use it again.

What about Ash - that's a nice name ( especially if you like pokemon)

If you don't like your name change it. It's a no-brainer.

Sascha is an epic name with some great nicknames - Sas, Sash, Ash. If you don’t like any of them pick a name you do like and change it.

😁I have no idea. It seems unlikely, though, since he is actually Eastern European. And at least 45, so definitely not the OP.