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Original poster

To not mention on my dating profile that I have a child?

88 replies

Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:34

I will obviously mention it when I get chatting to or messaging someone but just don't know if I'm obliged to mention it on my profile? I have one son and he's 6.

OP posts:
QueenAstrid · 02/11/2023 17:35

I mentioned it on mine, I think it’s a deal breaker for some.

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 02/11/2023 17:35

How would you feel in the reverse situation?

Mamato29192 · 02/11/2023 17:36

It would be better to have it on your profile

storypushers · 02/11/2023 17:37

Would it not be a waste of time going on a date with someone unhappy to date a parent? As a single mother your time is probably quite precious so I'd feel it was wasted time. What I'm trying to say is I'd put it on there somewhere.

countbackfromten · 02/11/2023 17:37

When I was dating it was incredibly frustrating when people wouldn’t be upfront about this, I didn’t mind dating someone with kids but I wanted to know from the start, not after matching and chatting.

Cattenberg · 02/11/2023 17:38

I wouldn’t put it on my profile either. I wouldn’t want to be contacted by anyone who’s more interested in my DC than in me. Surely decent people will understand?

DdraigGoch · 02/11/2023 17:38

It's better to be upfront. Saves wasting both your time and theirs. Getting involved with someone who already has their own kids isn't for everyone.

helplesshopeless · 02/11/2023 17:40

I read somewhere that you shouldn't put it on your profile as weirdos might be looking for people who have children specifically for access. It wouldn't have occurred to me but now that's on my mind I wouldn't mention it on my profile on that basis. I'd just let them know via an initial message if it was someone I was interested in.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/11/2023 17:41

Kids aren’t for everyone - of course it should be on your profile so as not to waste your time, or theirs.

Mothership4two · 02/11/2023 17:41

What would give me pause is that years ago I did a safeguarding course and one of the things that was mentioned in passing (by the person running the course) was that paedophiles go on dating sites looking for single mums. I don't know how true this is, it was not actually part of the course but came up in discussion and gave me chills. I think it was police run but it is so long ago I cannot remember.

DisquietintheRanks · 02/11/2023 17:43

I think it's fine as long as its mentioned once you start chatting and before any commitment to meet is made.

Original poster
Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:43

@Mothership4two yes that does freak me out a little bit, at least if I didn't mention that I have a child on my profile , then I know the guys who message me wont be paedophiles hopefully

OP posts:
Original poster
Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:44

The other side of it is that there is no way any man would get to meet my child for a long time and probably would never be alone with him

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 02/11/2023 17:45

I wouldn't date guy with kids whenever I found out. Be upfront

Original poster
Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:46

As a PP said, surely it's a good tool to weed out potential paedophiles? As they won't be messaging me if I don't have kids mentioned on my profile

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 02/11/2023 17:46

Most men on dating sites aren’t paedophiles, but there are definitely paedophiles out there who target single mums. I’d much rather waste some messaging time and even the first date, rather than attract one of those.

The majority of first dates (from online dating) don’t lead to anything anyway, due to lack of chemistry. So people who hate wasting their time might be better off meeting people in real life.

Cattenberg · 02/11/2023 17:47

Cross-posted.

Mongrelsrbeautiful · 02/11/2023 17:50

Cattenberg · 02/11/2023 17:38

I wouldn’t put it on my profile either. I wouldn’t want to be contacted by anyone who’s more interested in my DC than in me. Surely decent people will understand?

This 100% - but obviously explain on meeting. There are a lot of predators about, far more than a lot of decent people realise. Good luck.

Killingmytime · 02/11/2023 17:52

Id be pissed if i matched and found out they had kids and weren’t truthful

Luxell934 · 02/11/2023 17:52

I think probably best to leave it off your profile but bring it up pretty quickly if someone messages you. Definitely don’t leave it till you meet them in person.

Original poster
Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:54

Yes it will be one of the first things I would mention when messaging so if it was someone who matched with me but then realized they didn't want someone with kids, then I will have wasted about 2 minutes of their life

OP posts:
AFeastForCrows · 02/11/2023 17:55

I never mentioned it on my profile but always said it in the initial message/reply once I matched with someone

Original poster
Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:57

@AFeastForCrows Can I ask did it put anyone off when you told them after matching that you had a child/children?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 02/11/2023 18:01

Young children are a deal breaker for me, but as long as you plan on mentioning it really quickly, then your reasons are valid.

I think it's not good if you don't mention it at least before a date - just not fair on the other person to not know.

AFeastForCrows · 02/11/2023 18:12

Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 17:57

@AFeastForCrows Can I ask did it put anyone off when you told them after matching that you had a child/children?

Yep it put some people off! Some just ghosted straight away, some said thank you for being upfront before we started chatting and some didn’t care

luckily for me my DH wasn’t put off when I told him 😂