To not mention on my dating profile that I have a child?

[Butterscotch81]

I will obviously mention it when I get chatting to or messaging someone but just don't know if I'm obliged to mention it on my profile? I have one son and he's 6.

Be prepared to be ghosted, it’s fine not to mention it but be open about it on one of the early messages. I’m desperate for kids and am online dating at the moment but am not interested in anyone who already has kids so move on pretty quickly when I come across one.

As someone that didn’t get told a person had a child until we were dating j think it’s wrong. You need to put it on your profile so people can decide if they want to speak to you.

Totally agree

I think you should mention it in your initial chat, but your reasons for not putting it in your profile are valid and any reasonable person would respect them and move on.

I say that as someone for whom children would be a dealbreaker (and who once didn't find out until two months down the line that a man I'd met on OLD had a young child ]

Ok so if I do mention it on my profile that I have a child, how can I minimize the chance of meeting a paedophile?

YABU. Don’t waste someone’s time if they genuinely don’t want to be with someone who’s got a child. That’s a perfectly acceptable life choice, just like you’ve made the choice to have a child 🤷‍♀️

I think safeguarding your own child is more important than worrying about wasting a few minutes of a strangers time.

I'm a parent, and wouldn't want to date another parent. I'd be ticked off if I wasn't told.

It's best to be upfront, you don't have to say ages or sexes of children, but OLD is difficult enough at the best of times, finding out someone misled or lied on their profile would be a deal breaker for me as honesty is a massively important quality.

The right person will not care that you've got a child so you've got no reason not to put it straight away and try and find that person, not waste your time with people who aren't going to be interested in you once they find out you've got a child.

Good luck with it! it is possible to find lovely people, even if you have to wade through a bunch of dickheads, it was one of the most entertaining times of my life when I was OLD and I did meet my DH on there!

^^ this with bells on

So much this!! Honestly if people are pissed off or whatever about the waste of one lousy message, you don't want them anyway. OD is a strange world, the more boundaries you have around you and especially your child the more likely you are to survive unscathed

Stop worrying about paedophiles! the best advice I could give when OLD is to take your time and don't rush into anything, if someone is trying to rush you into anything or asking anything inappropriate then trust your instincts, the thing is with OLD is that there are thousands of people at your fingertips, so say you DID come across a paedo (very unlikely) they wouldn't waste 6-12 months trying to form a relationship with you just to access your children, especially if you made it clear that you meeting the child is going to be on the distant horizon, they'd just move onto the next person they could get to quickly.

I'd say I was a single mum of an older child. That will put paedos (surely they are few and far between) off the scent and still make your situation clear. You don't want to mislead anyone or waste time but I also found I attracted matches who were parents as well and wanted someone who understands what that means and you don't want to miss out on those.

It's been a decade since I did OLD, but I put on my profile that I did not want to date anyone with children.

You can't. Paedophiles are generally very skilled manipulators. Very very skilled. You just have to be very protective of, and very attuned to your children. OLD, at the end of the day, is the same as meeting a randomer at the bus stop. You have no guarantees with it unfortunately.

Goodness - just put it on there! You have a conversation with them first and if you want to say it will be a long time before they meet your kid. It would never cross my mind to be honest.

If I’d gone on a date with someone who’d left something so fundamental out of their profile and their initial conversations, and only mentioned it on a first date because they didn’t want to attract paedophiles, I’d think they were a paranoid time-waster and not see them again. And I wasn’t even against dating a parent.

And you don't think a pedophile would ask you this?

Of course they would.

Yup 100%

Was supposed to quote " rather waste two minutes of a stranger's time than put my child at risk" type comment. Can't believe people don't get this.

That was my very first thought! I'm sure there was a thread about this a couple of years back where this very problem was discussed.

It’s not about being decent - there’s plenty of decent people out there who don’t want a partner who already has kids.
There’s nothing wrong with that either.

I'd think they were very sensible.

I have been in the reverse of this situation before. Matched with a guy who never mentioned it on his profile, got chatting and swapped numbers. Even in day to day conversation never brought up the fact he had a son, I was totally oblivious. Didn't tell me until we were on the first date and had just ordered food! I couldn't back out then, but it was a red flag for me that he couldn't just be up front about it.

Funny, he didn't want any more kids so I'm not sure what his reaction would have been if I had done the same to him. Saw him still on dating apps 10+ months later and he still hadn't learnt to include it in his profile!

You can't.

Although not introducing your DC for at least a year might help.

I doubt they'd want to play a game that long when there are others they could date.