AIBU to think this was misogyny (at the gym)

[Patienceisntvirtuous]

A few years ago I was quite into heavy lifting and went to the gym often for same. I fell out of favour with it, but recently found another suitable gym and took it up again. So I can't lift anywhere near what I used to but I'm enjoying it. I've been really quite down recently too and it has been helping.

Gym is owned by an absolutely lovely man who I've become friendly with-so I have asked him about this but he hasn't got back to me yet. I've also got a 'buddy' just a guy I know who's very into heavy lifting and we go together sometimes. Gym is a stereotypically 'old school' lifter's gym, a room full of weights basically. Typically full of blokes.

Anyway last night I'm in the gym and I go to use a machine (the lateral pulldown one) you can choose different bars to pull down so I went to switch to my preferred one and a man on a nearby machine shouts to me 'I'm using that!!'

I said 'I'm sorry?!' and he said again 'I'm using that machine, and this one, I'm switching between them !'

I did a bit of a head tilt and said 'Ah, you're using them BOTH, are you?' and he said yes.

I didn't want an argument so I started moving away to go on something else and he changed his mind and said 'It's okay, you can use it'. Then he asked 'Do you want me to move those?!' (meaning he hadn't de-stacked it so there were some weights on it too heavy for me to lift, and I'd started taking them off).

I said 'No thank you, I am quite capable' (which I am) and that was that. Two seconds later my gym buddy walks in, comes over to say hi to me and the man gave us both a weird look and left the gym.

I am thinking he wouldn't have said this to a man? And that he thought I was new, and small, and female, and he could boss me around and when my (huge) friend arrived he felt his nose put out of joint?

I'm not upset about it-just wanted some other opinions-sorry for loads of detail but I don't want to drip-feed!

Honesty it sounds like you are looking to be offended. It’s pretty standard gym etiquete to rack your weights when you’re done. Really can’t see what the problem is.

Hard to say without being there. I go to the gym a lot for weightlifting and I see a lot of bad gym etiquette from lots of people generally. I put it down to a general decrease in manners and consideration for others. Not to say this guy isn’t a misogynist though.

He could well have said it to a new, small, man on his own and probably more so if the man was much younger.

He's a wanker, whether he's a sexist wanker or not doesn't really make a difference imo.

@WorldCuppa sorry, I don't understand your post-I wasn't offended that he hadn't de-stacked the machine at all-I just took the ones off I couldn't lift up.

@WhateverMate that's a point isn't it. My friend is a PT there and he trains a lot of younger/teenage guys-he may well have been the same with them.

Although there are signs all over the gym saying to replace weights onto the racks once you've finished, this guy was sort of 'hogging' two machines rather than one so he hadn't de-stacked as he intended to go straight back to the machine and didn't want anybody else using it.

Sounds like he just assumed you were way further down his imaginary gym pecking order, rather than direct misogyny.

Nope you're overthinking. He just hadn't stripped it and was offering to do it (as he should !)

Yes @Sparklfairy he definitely seemed to. I thought it was bad etiquette to be 'on' two machines at the same time-fine if nobody else wants to use them but they don't belong to him do they, he can't say to someone that they can't use it? But I take the point-it could have been someone else that he just perceived to be not as important as him. Maybe he didn't expect me to say anything.

@Maddy70 yes he should but I wasn't bothered about that, I was bothered that he said I couldn't use it, when he wasn't on it.

Honestly to me it just sounds like he realised he was being a dick and then offered to move the weights off of the machine as he should have done to allow somebody else to use it.

Well in fairness he did then realise he was being a dick by saying he was using both machines. I used to do weights snd the men would often ask if I wanted help taking the heavier ones off which was quite annoying as I was perfectly capable but some of the other women appreciated it so it’s hard to say.

I'd say just an asshole rather than a misogynist, it does my head in when people use 2 machines at once.

i don’t go to the gym but I assume “using” two machines at the same time is not the done thing. He was being a wanker to be honest and I agree with you, he would not have said this to a bloke.

I’m seeing this at my gym - people using two machines, switching from one to the other, and often “baggsying” the one they’re not using with a hoodie or a water bottle.

I’ve been using gyms since the early 1990s but have only started noticing this behaviour in very recent years.

@katienana have you experienced it before then? I never bloody have thankfully-and as I said in the OP I've spent a lot of times in gyms!

You wanted to use a machine. He was hogging 2 machines presumably doing a superset or something.
He offered to take off the weights he'd left on when you went to use it.
I'm struggling to see the misogyny here. Which bit is misogynistic?

@Cosyblankets telling me he was using a machine so I couldn't go on it (when he wasn't on it himself) but I've taken everyone's points now that he may have said that to anyone he perceived to be younger/smaller/ not as important as him.

I didn't want an argument so I started moving away to go on something else and he changed his mind and said 'It's okay, you can use it'.

🙄 What a nob. I found a lot of men at the gym to be sexist, making twatty comments to women but none to men, and none to me when I was with my male partner or my son.

Maybe this bloke would have been the same with a man, but my experiences make me doubt that.

It's not misogyny he's just a dick. Should ask to work in with him and if he says no just report the dingus, you pay the same membership as him and if he's not actively on it then it's free as far I'm concerned.

I don’t see what is has to do with sexism. It’s common to do supersets although obviously advisable to in some way mark the 2nd machine and also selfish in a busy gym. He obviously realised he was rude and tried to correct his mistake.
I wish people would unstack heavy weights in my gym - they leave 20kg ones I don’t want to lift being pregnant.

I hate the weights being left on. Not because I'm a woman but because i have arthritis in my hands and i find them really tricky to get on and off. Once they're on I'm happy to lift.

FFS, not every jerky behavior by a man is misogyny. He was a cross training twat who was using two machines. He clearly thought better of that once you approached him and then was going set the machine back to what it should be when done using.

It's pretty normal to alternate between two machines/ pieces of equipment. He probably just had a routine he was trying to do which involved switching. I wouldn't be offended. He's probably doing a HIIT type workout and the set probably wouldn't take very long anyway.

Looks like I've got different opinions. Regarding misogyny, it is only a few years ago I really began to think about it as a result of reading mumsnet! So I often don't notice it or didn't-hence why I am asking here.

I often find myself thinking 'Would he have said/done that to a man?!' in certain situations where I never usually would. Fairly new thing for me. I hope I've not gone too far the other way now!