AIBU to think this was misogyny (at the gym)

[Patienceisntvirtuous]

A few years ago I was quite into heavy lifting and went to the gym often for same. I fell out of favour with it, but recently found another suitable gym and took it up again. So I can't lift anywhere near what I used to but I'm enjoying it. I've been really quite down recently too and it has been helping.

Gym is owned by an absolutely lovely man who I've become friendly with-so I have asked him about this but he hasn't got back to me yet. I've also got a 'buddy' just a guy I know who's very into heavy lifting and we go together sometimes. Gym is a stereotypically 'old school' lifter's gym, a room full of weights basically. Typically full of blokes.

Anyway last night I'm in the gym and I go to use a machine (the lateral pulldown one) you can choose different bars to pull down so I went to switch to my preferred one and a man on a nearby machine shouts to me 'I'm using that!!'

I said 'I'm sorry?!' and he said again 'I'm using that machine, and this one, I'm switching between them !'

I did a bit of a head tilt and said 'Ah, you're using them BOTH, are you?' and he said yes.

I didn't want an argument so I started moving away to go on something else and he changed his mind and said 'It's okay, you can use it'. Then he asked 'Do you want me to move those?!' (meaning he hadn't de-stacked it so there were some weights on it too heavy for me to lift, and I'd started taking them off).

I said 'No thank you, I am quite capable' (which I am) and that was that. Two seconds later my gym buddy walks in, comes over to say hi to me and the man gave us both a weird look and left the gym.

I am thinking he wouldn't have said this to a man? And that he thought I was new, and small, and female, and he could boss me around and when my (huge) friend arrived he felt his nose put out of joint?

I'm not upset about it-just wanted some other opinions-sorry for loads of detail but I don't want to drip-feed!

Do people seriously go about their lives over-analyzing and labeling every mundane non-event like this? So some gym bro was a bit of a dickhead, realized that later on, offered to move some weights to make it easier for you. You didn't want him to and said no. Fine. What's the problem and why would you even take time of your day to ponder upon it, and post about it? Is it important whether he was a dick, a dick AND misogynist OR just a misogynist? Whether he was or wasn't - what can be done about it now? Mind boggles..

So he was super setting (very standard in a weights focussed gym), saw you about to go on the machine he was about to use and told you. You took offence and made a snotty comment so he freed the machine up for you, offered to help clear it to make sure he didn’t cause any more offence and now he’s a misogynistic asshole?

What? There’s no misogyny here and I don’t see how he’s even been an asshole. People on this thread have been ridiculously OTT, stop trying to be offended.

I saw it as him hogging two machines and 'not letting' someone else on one that he was about to use next. I'd not heard of 'supersetting' and strangely enough neither has the guy who owns the gym!
@Shadowonasun that response pops up SO often on so many threads. Pointless.

YABU

I hear men saying this to other men all of the time.

Its polite to ask or just go ahead and do it.

Not everything needs to be offensive or sexist.
He sounds like he was just being a decent gym goer.

I would be annoyed about him using 2 machines at once but he gave one up anyway, so it’s a non issue.

And him offering to help is definitely no issue.

No, I didn't have an issue with him offering to pick up the weights, not sure why I mentioned it just didn't want to leave anything out.

He didn't give it up straight away-well there was nothing to 'give up', he wasn't on it. At first, he told me I wasn't to use it as he was.

I have had the same shit from other women in the gym. Just bad manners & entitlement than anything else.

Cunts thinking they can occupy 2 pieces of equipment at once because they're alternating or doing supersets are the worst.

I've nothing else to add

A gym owner who has never heard of supersetting?

I’ve got a bartender that’s never heard of cocktails you need to meet.

I think he was just being polite.

@AlexaM86 he hasn't! I wonder if it is a 'cultural' thing in some gyms and not others? He's been working out all his life, he's humongous.

I've never heard of it either and I've spent a lot of time in gyms, I was quite into powerlifting some years ago.

@WorldCuppa sorry, I don't understand your post-I wasn't offended that he hadn't de-stacked the machine at all-I just took the ones off I couldn't lift up

Really? What's not to understand?

It was clearly poor etiquette of him to be hogging two machines. However, I can't see why you'd think he is being misogynistic.

Bad gym etiquette IMO, you only use two machines if there’s no one else in the gym or you accept that someone else uses them in your rest periods. I was about to use a machine at the gym earlier this week and as I was about to sit down a guy went “sorry, I’m using that”……except he wasn’t, he was walking up and down the side of the machines looking at his phone! At least he said he only had one set left to do and indicated to me when he’d finished. Phones in gyms are the worst thing ever, people spend more time scrolling than lifting these days!

Does the gym owner not use the gym if he's never heard of supersetting?
How bizarre!

He uses it every weekend and often in between as he PTs there too.

Phones in gyms are the worst thing ever, people spend more time scrolling than lifting these days!

I use mine to update my program of weight and reps so i can see my progress.

This. It sounds like you're projecting your own insecurities onto his behaviour, to be honest.

He's a PT and he's not heard of it? Hope he doesn't charge much
Bloody hell i still feel like a novice sometimes at the gym and even i know what it is.

I’m a completely new gym goer and even I know about supersetting, and I’m encouraged to do it by my rehab specialist. But we make sure that the equipment is free at the time. If someone else wanted to use the other equipment, I’d change my plan so they could use it.

So do I…..when i get home!!
I’ve watched so many people “using” equipment while scrolling on their phone in the time I can do 3 sets of weights. My time in the gym is precious, I’m in there to exercise not check Facebook, reply to messages and take photos of my non existent biceps.

He was using both because they were free and it suited him to have two different choices while not inconveniencing anyone else.

Normally if you've spread out and someone else needs to use equipment you'd make room.

He realised this and also that it's polite to leave it ready for someone to use, especially if they might struggle to put it right.

I wouldn't have been able to move everything he'd left there but I'm barely strong enough to change a tyre and have accepted help with this.

I guess technically his higher strength is down to his sex, so you're going to say it's sexist. But it sounds like he realised he was being selfish and tried to make up for it.

OP

You're confusing misogyny with sexism.

Misogyny is a hatred of women.

Sexism is attitude and behaviour toward women.

They are related, but I think what you are asking here is 'is this sexist behaviour'?

I’m into Heavy Lifting and used to also go to a gym like that - I suspect he might have been gearing up to either ask for your number or offer to be your trainer. Using two machines / racking weights is fairly normal for a set

@CantFindTheBeat I am aren't I-using misogyny for both when It's more specific than that.