I’m not a Personal assistant

[Fuckedoffwithtwats]

I do the majority of admin for the household as I don’t work. Dh works and if he has to do any of his own admin struggles but I always tell him he needs to do these things.

I have to remind him of the of appts etc.

He has had a work trip planned for ages. I did tell him to make sure he kept all the things for this in ONE place with his passport . Anyway he can’t find it - this is MY fault apparently. He says he didn’t lose it (well nobody else has had it so he did!). I’ve told him it’s not up to me and I’m not cancelling my plans to help him look (due to go tomorrow).

im not his PA !

Well yes its kind of the point really one parent can do all the hours God sends because the other is looking after the children there is no such thing as 24 hours childcare and it certainly isn't free in many areas childcare for a month full-time plus wrap cost is equal to a full time job

No my plans were taking my mum to her hospital appt I care for her then taking her shopping as I do every week

And how could you do that when you are supplying 24/7 childcare and support for your working DH?

Very many actual working people have other commitments to deal with and opening a drawer or two wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience to you.

I keep the house clean, tidy and organised therefore he can open any drawer himself to look for it.

I do all mine and dc admin. Anything school or ehcp related, dc appts and I do my mums admin and all her appts etc. I do everything to do with dog (walks and vet appts), shopping, meal planning, diy. I only expect dh to do his own personal admin - anything joint I even do so I do t think I’m in the wrong

If he had asked me politely I might have but he spoke to me like shit and I’m not a doormat so he can get on with it himself !

@Outandontheotherside im starting to think you might actually be my dh on here 😂😂😂

No I'm not your DH, just someone who believes that if a spouse is working to support his stay at home partner/wife then the least they can do is help out when asked instead of playing the game of "I'm so hard done to". When in actual fact you're not hard done to at all and extremely privileged.

So if someone spoke to you like shit and made demands because of their own incompetence you would enable that behaviour and comply ? There’s no way I’d be that much of a doormat under any circumstances

Do you know what an EHCP is?

Just checking.

@perfectstorm yep!

I’ve done enough to help dh but all it seems to have done is cause entitled behaviour and he thinks he can bark at me to drop everything and find his passport ! Not going to happen

I think he is an adult, and as such, he is responsible for his own passport.

We have two kids with EHCPs (one EOTAS) and of course my husband does his own life admin, because he is an actual adult. Might be worth considering whether yours is ND and in denial, in fairness - genes are strong, after all, so if that's a factor perhaps he needs to consider some management strategies?

But either way, it's not your job to parent a grown man. And it would be a horrible example to set to your kids if you did, too.

Being the sole earner doesn't mean you get to palm off all your adult responsibilities onto someone else.

His job is to go to work. Her job is to look after the children. His personal documents are his responsibility.

People-both sexes-don't learn to put things where they can find them if other people usually find things for them when they lose things.

It's the inconvenience that creates the new, more organised habit. This is true of, eg, spouses and children/teenagers.

OP has just described how she does all the caring and life admin for two children - one of whom has additional needs - and her mother. And yet here you are talking to her like she's a gold-digging, lazy piece of shit because she doesn't work. You're as bad as her husband. You're either a bloke or your internalise misogyny has brainwashed you into thinking that women's unpaid labour is worthless.

If OP's DH can't keep track of one passport, he's hardly the type that's going to step up and do his share of the household shitwork and admin if OP gets a full time job is he?

Why would she get a job if it means she still has to do everything she's already doing and work full time on top?

Earning the money is the very least her DH can do since it sounds like he does absolutely fuck all else.

Thank you.

I didn't respond to the BullyXL poster's attacks on the OP, as I didn't trust myself to keep my temper. You have said all I wanted to, and in a calm and lucid way.

Quite staggering, how anyone can claim the moral high ground while behaving in such an appallingly vindictive and spiteful way. Thankfully the worst of them are deleted now - as they should be.

DH used to ask “do you know where my [lost thing] is?” and I would say “lost” in a sad little voice.

He rarely asks me now, unless he’s really frantic. 😀

(Of course if I’ve I tidied it away I will tell him what I have done with it. Or if I have recently seen it, I will say where.)

We used to have a woman who worked in our business, who would say “did you have a look, or a DH’sName-look?”

Whatever pp are saying about men doing DIY, or whatever, many men do have a belief that women should look for their lost items for them. They are wrong.

Incidentally, men, on average, have more leisure hours than women do. So you can all stop feeling so sorry for them. They’re doing just fine.

He shouldn’t be speaking to you disrespectfully however it’s not a massive issue inconvenience to help someone you supposedly love find something . Everyone can get a bit snappy when feeling under pressure. Hopefully at times when you feel under pressure he doesn’t throw it in your face that he earns the money and that ‘he’s not your dad for providing the finances’.

with regards to the tasks that you stated OP, all of those can be managed by working parents and do not require one parent to not work in order to manage them