I’m not a Personal assistant

[Fuckedoffwithtwats]

I do the majority of admin for the household as I don’t work. Dh works and if he has to do any of his own admin struggles but I always tell him he needs to do these things.

I have to remind him of the of appts etc.

He has had a work trip planned for ages. I did tell him to make sure he kept all the things for this in ONE place with his passport . Anyway he can’t find it - this is MY fault apparently. He says he didn’t lose it (well nobody else has had it so he did!). I’ve told him it’s not up to me and I’m not cancelling my plans to help him look (due to go tomorrow).

im not his PA !

Wow I should get myself a wife then! No need to do anything adult-like for myself, not even look after my own personal possessions, when I have my own personal house servant... Do I still have to wipe my own arse though? I don't see why I should, I mean I earn money so that's enough right?!

Who knew husband = king?

Yep. That's what I would do.

Not a PA but surely as someone who is at home when he's working you could help your husband like any normal person would do?? Why do you feel you shouldn't have to help him?

why turning this into a wife vs husband?

What the poster wrote could apply to any partnership where one works to support the other who doesn't. It could be 2 wives.
It's you who are making it a husband =king.

Odd relationship where 2 partners don't just.. help each other out?

No one is coming out very well, regardless of their sex/gender. One is useless and the other nagging and treated the other like a child. None of this remotely attractive.

Even if he blamed you for the fact it was missing?!

Normally I would be one hundred per cent behind you but....I've put my new bank card in a "safe " place...and now I can't find it 😂

I would certainly ask if anyone had seen or moved it, or ask for help looking but I wouldn't blame them for losing it!

I don’t know why people get married frankly if they don’t want to help their life partner when they are clearly struggling.
Why does everything have to be a male v female battle.
No, you are not his PA.
Would you not look after him when he’s ill either because you are not his nurse? Give him a lift because you are not a taxi?
You don’t work - so who is paying for your life/bills etc? Presumably he’s not your bank?
Be nice, give the (idiot) husband a break and help him. He’s obviously very stressed and men ( ime) can never find things.

Because raising kids is so worthless that she also needs to be his mummy?

Tell him to take every drawer out. Will have fallen behind and underneath one.

He can tidy and part the drawers while he's at it

He has probably left it in the photocopier. That’s where we usually find them when they aren’t in the passport box.

It's the blaming you for it being lost which would make me not want to help. I'd help dh find his passport, but he wouldn't blame me for losing it in the first place so I'd be more inclined to help.

YABU. I would expect something like this to be considered 'household admin' with it being an important personal document that he needs to have to hand.

If DH was fully supporting me and the family/household financially, I would consider something like this as part of my role as the SAH/non working adult in the family.

Nobody has said raising kids is worthless. But if OP is at home anyway, looking after children, it wouldn't kill her to help him and have a look. It's just common decency, particularly if he's out earning the money to allow her to stay at home?

Totally agree!

Because of reality.

Because no self-respecting woman would expect a partner to be her servant. No man would agree.

You aren't even arguing for the same thing as the poster I replied to.

Are you bored or something?

How is looking after your own passport "household admin"?

I don't think most married people are this codependent.

I'd help him look. I sometimes lose things and ask my DD to help me look. Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes is helpful.

I thought I lost my passport one time as its wasn't where it should be. I got quite stressed. DD helped me and found it straightaway - right where it was supposed to be!

YANBU - his passport, his responsibility. I'd help my H look for a lost item but, then again, he wouldn't blame me for losing it in the first place so I can see why you'd be reluctant to do so.

Did he have to apply for a visa for the work trip? Could he have taken it into the office to facilitate the application? Also, might be worth checking the bag he used last time he went away. I left mine in the front pocket of my carry on, safely stored in the loft, once. That was a fun few hours tearing the house apart....

are you always rude when you disagree with someone? 😂

I am sorry if you can't understand my reply, but still try to argue without understanding it 😂

Yes!

Don’t be so bloody ridiculous. When you are married and have children, you have MORE responsibilities, not less. A man with children doesn’t get to do less than he would have when he was single. And if you want to ask who turned this into a sex based thing, ask men, because there’s very few women with children out there who think they get to work and do fuck all else.

If he's anything like my DH it'll be in the fridge, in the airing cupboard, or in the Christmas decorations box.

Such are the idiotic places my DH puts things then can't find them.

you are not making any sense.

BOTH have more responsibilities, and if only one is financially supporting the whole family, it's a lot more pressure.

Again, how many WOMEN expect their husband to be in charge of anything related to electricity, their car, a power drill, the plumbing...because you need a penis for that apparently?

If he has asked nicely maybe you would feel a little more helpful. If he expects to put the blame on you and then get help he needs to learn a lesson.

Is it also, OP, that he didn't follow the correct procedure?

Which is, of course:

1.Search thoroughly AND SILENTLY without getting on the nerves of everyone else

1. Search again.
2. Clearly proclaim his remorse and regret at not listening to you
3. Promise to be a reformed character from now on
4. Beg for help while admitting he doesn't deserve it