To ask to do a video call before a date?

59 replies

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 22:30

Surely if online dating , it makes sense to do a video call first with someone before arranging an actual date?
Dates can be expensive and time consuming, especially for single parents, like me and I just figure the logical thing to do is organize a video call with someone before a date.
At least that way you will know from the comfort of your living room whether or not you fancy them rather than putting on a nice outfit, doing your make up, paying for petrol/bus fare into town and then food, only to realize within 20 mins that you don't fancy them and/or they are boring. Then your afternoon or evening is pretty much wasted.
I know we can see their photos before a date but photos can't show personality, sense of humor or mannerisms.
Would you be fine with it if someone wanted to do a video call before talking about arranging a date or would you find this offputting?

OP posts:

StillFanta · 30/10/2023 06:35

It's a No from Me, Op. My now DH asked to do this when we were dating and I felt so uncomfortable about it, so we talked on the phone briefly instead. Felt like I might be having an interview beforehand!

MissSmiley · 30/10/2023 08:15

It would be big a red flag for me if a guy refused, I want to see that he matches his pics and has nothing to hide. Been doing OLD too long to waste a journey out to meet someone without seeing them first.

Original poster

Itiswhatitis85 · 30/10/2023 08:53

@saffronsoup at what point did I say they must look good from all angles? And why does wanting a video call first mean I want a video/virtual boyfriend?

OP posts:

Livelifelaughter · 30/10/2023 10:13

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 23:52

@HoHoHoliday yes I get what you're saying about energy etc, but say for example you go out on a date, you realize the person is boring , doesn't have much to say for themselves, you don't like their mannerisms or whatever , would it not have been better to find this out in a video call at home?

I think this an each to one's own situation with no right or wrong. I have never done video calls and just prefer to meet. Obviously others think differently. I don't think it's a question of needing to change our views so the agree with you.

Lieslies · 30/10/2023 10:21

I think it's a good idea for OLD and there hasn't already been a direct connection.

I did one at the weekend and it became totally obvious he wasn't single, so only a waste of 20 minutes not the palaver of a date.

Sofaz34 · 30/10/2023 10:28

I think you should text and speak on the phone, potentially with video call prior to any dates to make sure you click. But not sure a video call should be standard. The best way to know someone is in person. Just don't put too much pressure on a connection during the date and enjoy it for the activity of getting dolled up and meeting anew person and having a date.

Peachtoiletpaper · 30/10/2023 10:52

I think it is fine.

It lets you know they are who they say they are, whether you can at least hold a conversation, make each other laugh a bit, whether they seem off to you. Makes sense if you live a long way apart (sod this anyway in my experience) or need a babysitter. That's it though. It gives you no idea of romantic chemistry as this happens in person.

Be aware that Some seem to think one call means you want them to ring for an hour a night thereafter until you meet. don't waste time on this.

Also one bloke asked in the most joyless weeding-em-out, paranoid way. Pretty much accused me (and any woman) of being a probable time waster or weirdo which really put me off. I had the chat so he didn't think I was a catfish but didn't go on the date. People will understand why you're asking, just do it in an upbeat way.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 30/10/2023 11:14

YANBU, and if they refuse to do a video call that's a red flag anyway, so you're well rid.

sleepybiscuit · 30/10/2023 11:50

Just do a coffee date on the first date - no pressure and then can plan something bigger if there is chemistry.

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