To quit my job and do fun creative stuff all the time?

[QueenOfCarrotFlowers]

Yes I know on the face of it I am very unreasonable.

I'm in my mid thirties, with young children, a disabled husband and a full time job.

I really am struggling! Physically overweight, aches and pains, just so very run down and feel about 30 years older than I am. Too exhausted to make the healthy choices I want to make a lot of the time.

I'm working in a decent job but although I have the skills and experience, my personal life means I have taken more time off than I'd like so I'm just not feeling like I'm doing well.

My children are wonderful and I hate that I only really see them for an hour or two on weekdays.

My husband can't work as he is injured. He is setting up a business which he can do with his disability, but it will likely take a while to take off and probably won't earn what I do.

I have enough savings to take time off work, but if I do that then I would find it hard to save this amount again, so would likely not have anything to pass on to my children down the line.

I just feel like I'm at the point where my life is not working -physically and psychologically.

I also have a history of trauma and mental illness as a result.

Honestly what I really want to do is to quit my job! Spend my time working on getting myself balanced. Meditation, breathwork, healthy eating, housework! Doing some of the creative things I want to do but never ever do. Writing the books I have always wanted to write. Maybe helping my husband build his business.

But, I am afraid of losing my financial security. Every other aspect of my life is suffering due to working, I'm just left with no energy at all.

Aibu to let go of a secure income to focus on my wellbeing and family? I know most people would say iabu but I just don't see how I can keep running myself into the ground the way I am. The years of my children's childhood are short.

Has anyone left the rat race without being independently wealthy?

How do I sort my life out?

No, don't do it. You are not in the position to do this properly.
It's a whim. Look for a new job but don't leave until you've found a new one.

Going part time seems the obvious solution?

I wouldnt. I'd certainly reduce my days though so I still have income.

Once your savings run out, how will you support yourself?

Do you have a good pension fund already saved up?

Definitely go part time. And also do some calming walks/swims which will increase your sense of well-being.

If you focussed on your diet and exercise you would feel 100% better and wouldn’t be at risk of bankruptcy. Yes it’s hard but very few people are able to spend their life focussing on ‘wellness’.

@WiIIow I would have to either return to work in a similar job, or hopefully my husband's business will have taken off my then and we could grow it with my help.

Obviously the dream would be to have a second income from writing, but I know I couldn't rely on that.

Maybe I do need to look into going part time. I am not sure what the options would be in my kind of work, I'd probably have to do a different kind of work.

I think the stress and practicalities of what happens when the money runs out would outweigh the benefits of your free time.
Could you take a leave of absence for say three months and have a reset?

I know how you feel (I was feeling very burnt out and pondering something similar about 18 months ago) but I found a job change was really helpful.

I'm 20 years older than you though...

You can definitely achieve some of this alongside working and without doing something risky while your husband's not bringing in cash either.

One thing I did was start saving a small amount into a fund monthly, specifically to mark a milestone birthday.

You could work towards making changes by 40.

Don't do it.

You would not end up writing any books or creating anything amazing - if you really want to do those things, start now while you still have a job. Establish that you can do them, otherwise they are just an escape fantasy like running away to live in a desert island.

Work can be difficult but it is what we do to survive. You need to find a way to combine work with the rest of your life unfortunately - we all struggle with that at times but I think you know that wiping out your assets and removing your family's only stable source of income is not the answer.

Or look for another job? Maybe one that has more flexible hours? And then take a few months of inbetween jobs?

Or would your work be open to you doing a sabbatical? Then you’d have a job to come back to but again could take a few months off.

@TheProvincialLady I think it's just got to the point where I just haven't been coping well enough, my job is full on and takes all my energy. Maybe I just need to put less into my work and accept that bosses won't be happy.

If you give up your financial security your present troubles will seem like a paradise. There's no space for mindfully crocheting pot holders when you can't pay your gas bill.

Financial insecurity/ distress is not going to improve your mental health.

Middle ground.

It sounds like you can’t afford it. I imagine if there was a magic way of doing this then everyone would do it! Go part time as that sounds like the most reasonable solution. Many people are in the same situation as you, it’s hard but seeing your kids for a couple of hours after work is what the vast majority of parents do. Also are they in school yet? As they’ll be there all day anyway so you won’t get much more time with them. Try and focus on things that you can control to start feeling better. Plan your meals, eat nutritious food. Do a lovely family activity every weekend, an afternoon playing board games or crafting doesn’t have to cost a lot. If your husband isn’t working apart from on his business I imagine that he can do laundry, cleaning etc so you shouldn’t have to be doing that too which gives you much more weekend time with the kids.

If you have savings, can you use some of the savings to outsource the things that are sucking up your time? Eg. Get a cleaner to take care of the house work. However long you would usually spend doing housework you can then use the time to write your books. Likewise someone to do the garden or wash the car etc etc.

Can you shuffle your hours at work to have a shorter lunch break each day and take the time back for yourself one afternoon a week for yoga?

Get the hello fresh boxes for healthy meals.

If you have savings, you have lots of options to make smaller changes while your husband establishes his business, then you can join him if it is a success. If you are the only breadwinner at the moment, I would not suggest jacking in your well paying job.

You are your DC security. If you quit your job you will have to live off your sabi GS as you can't claim UC with savings over a certain amount and unless you have a sickness exemption they'd make you find another job. It might pay less than the one you already have. Could you get on a diet? I've lost 4 stone in 8 months on Ozempic. If you have savings could you buy some Wegovy?

Could you take a period of extended leave/lifestyle break to assess the possibilities? Or lose one day a week? I feel for you and understand the drain, physical and emotional, of unfulfilling work. Honestly, the way you are feeling may not be just down to the job and you are unlikely to achieve all the things you've listed just by leaving your job. I've tried it.
It's a vicious circle though, eating unhealthily and not taking care of yourself because your're exhausted. I'd work on this first. Small actions build. Meal plan first of all, looking at where your weak points are and building in healthy foods to give you more energy. Look at organised mum method to sort out your housework (remembering that it's not only mums that do housework!) Block out a creative/self-care time for yourself every day - 30 minutes is enough to follow a youtube video on breathwork, or to do your eyebrows, or to journal, or to have a shower and put nice body lotion on - you get the idea.

Absolutely not, do not do it. You don't have enough to make this work and whilst optimism about your husband's future business and income from your writing is great, I wouldn't plan on it supporting the family for many years to come. I would not sabotage your current earning potential, being the main breadwinner.

There's nothing that stops you building meditation and breath work into your day now. Start today.

Use some of your saves funds to buy yourself some help and give yourself a break - a cleaner and babysitting as a starting point to create some space for you to clear your head and get organised.

Treat yourself to a balanced healthy meal delivery service for a few months. Choose meals that are high protein, wholesome and filling so you don't need to snack.

These services exist to help people who are in a rut; so see what you can adopt to lift the load for a while and provide the support you need. You're clearly motivated and know what you need to do! Small changes will make a big difference.

@PestilencialCrisis

This might be a good solution for me. My husband is quite resistant to outside help, but it really does fall to me to work my job, do all the cooking, cleaning, childcare when I am not working. At the moment it is just at the point where I don't ever have time for anything for myself, and even the tasks on the list above I am not doing to my own minimum standards.

@Poontangle very true. I remember how much I hated being unemployed after I graduated from uni. It's more that this current balance does not seem to be working.

No, I wouldn’t, you’ll end up on your arse financially and you’ll probably just spend your time caring for H and the kids anyway. I don’t think the grass would be as green as you imagine it to be. You’ll end up skint annd knackered and you’ll find it more difficult to get a decent job into the bargain.

@PissOffKen yes that is a very real possibility

@Twillow unfortunately I can't take a break from work. I am on a fixed term contract, having recently got a new job hoping the pressure in my new role would be less (old boss was a nightmare and everyone was leaving), but now I basically need to impress in order to make new bosses think about keeping me once my contract ends. I'm applying for another job in the organisation, but even if I get it there is no way of knowing that my work/life balance would be better.