Not to understand why people who find their first child really hard and question whether they did the right thing

[Parpadew]

have a second one?

Are they hoping the second will make things easier?

And does that work??

Because it’s not shit all the time, and maybe the second will be easier (he is)

Well I found the first year incredibly hard and had many regrets. However the 6.5 years since he turned 1 have been an utter joy and I can now see that that first year is so short in the grand scheme of things.

Because all children are different?

My first was a dream and my second didn’t sleep for two years, I assume it can happen the other way around too?

Hormones
Pressure from society/ family/ dp
Guilt
Wanting a sibling

Fwiw...yanbu! I stopped at 1!

It’s like everything in life : first time is more difficult and you are less confident.

Because they think it will be different the next time round. Or because they have absorbed the idea that having one child is dreadful and selfish and will lead to them being selfish and miserable so have a second in order to ‘give’ the first a sibling.

I sort of agree with you buuuut:
Sometimes the second child isn't planned.
Sometimes they conceived in a moment of passion and pink clouds when they were feeling optimistic and now they won't abort.

People seem to constantly say subsequent kids are easier to me when I had my first. It's usually said by those who have multiples.

Because people are hopeful it will get easier. Because people say each child is different. Because people are sentimental and irrational and unless you are going through ivf etc it's pretty easy and fun to get pregnant.

People are rarely logical and sensible when it comes to love and sex. Had you not realised? 😜

My second is a dream, never been any trouble. They are 5 and 7 now and play so beautifully together, it's loads easier than having one.

Hormones and the desire to reproduce can be very powerful 😂😂 also a bit like giving birth your brain tricks you into forgetting the horrendous bits of newborn's/toddlers

I hated the first year both times but as the eldest grew you forget slightly about that awful baby period but also know it will end and that you might be better informed the next time around. I feel more for people who had easy first borns and end up with a terror the next time around (although it is quite satisfying seeing the smugness drain from them when they realise it wasn't actually their parenting that created the Unicorn child)

Probably because they want more than one child and either hope it's easier second time round or decide it's worth a difficult few years in order to emerge on the other side with two children and get on with the rest of their lives together.

Because as hard as she was, I still adored her, and wanted another little her.

We got a boy, as it happens, and he turned out to be the happiest, easiest and most chilled out little soul - as a baby. As they've gotten older she has gotten easier and easier - she's a really calm, well-balanced and hard-working individual - and he's much more challenging. To put it bluntly, he's a stroppy little diva.

Children are only babies for a short period of time. I know people who have (or want) multiple children who openly hate(d) the baby stage but love having children/young adults. Short term pain for long term gain, I suppose...

Because most people don't put any thought into popping out babies. Whether they can afford it, whether there is space, whether they have the time and mental capacity, whether they can give the child(ren) a decent quality of life etc etc.

Because people have always wanted the sort of family life you get with more than one child and so are willing to go through a few tough years to achieve that.
All kids are different and just because the first was hard doesn’t mean subsequent kids will be.

I soooo relate to this. The number of first-time parents to easy babies who would smugly tell my sleep-deprived self "this is what you need to do", only to discover that their "fool-proof parenting techniques" didn't work at all on their second born...!

Don't be a fanny and have four like I did🤪

Seriously though, you don't think of how hard things can possibly get. As they all grow up, life does get more predictable. You get more confident as a parent and know what you're doing each time (unless one is born prematurely then you are back to square one 🤦🏻).

I just think it's bonkers. I suppose they feel in for a penny but it seems like they just think "I want two children" regardless of the fact that having children isn't the thing they originally believed it to be.

All children/babies are different. Circumstances change.
My first was high needs from the day she arrived. My second was/is a delight (teenage moods swings aside.)
My third was the easiest and most calm. He changed a bit over time but has some additional needs.
I know a lot of people who had an easy first born and a high needs second dc.
In hindsight I’m relieved my first was the most difficult as the others were a very pleasant surprise.

You are relying on blind faith alone in these situations.

I always wanted more than one child and the urge for another didn't go away after one even though the first year was a real struggle. When my son was 9 months old I was barely sleeping at all and back at work full time but my biggest worry was when would my period come back so I could try for another.

The second has been much easier.

Just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's not worth doing .

All children are different and you live and learn, think it’s natural to want to have a positive experience of what you’ve always dreamed of. People hope with a different child and everything you’ve learned and sometimes different circumstances it will be a more positive experience and it often is. I know many parents where that had been the reality despite the fact they couldn’t love and cherish their first child more

My second one was different though, and was born just 11 months later.

My 1st one never slept and no one believed me unless they would babysit. He was a very demanding baby.

My second one was happy to sit in his bouncer with a toy, loved his sleep and would entertain himself.

Then they grew up together like twins and best friends.

BTW the 1st one still doesn't like sleep that much no matter what time he goes to sleep.